Real Life Dementors

For all of you Harry Potter fans out there, you totally get the title of this blog, but for all of you do not, feel free to check it out here.  For a quick summary, in the fictional story of Harry Potter, Dementors are these evil creatures that suck all of the good, happy, positive energy and feelings out of you.  This creature feeds on your positive vibes and leaves you drained with nothing but negativity and despair.  Sure, this might sound like a fictional creature, but if you think about it I am sure you can find some humans in your life that relate.

More specifically, I will relate it to . . . . you guessed it, DATING!  Everyone’s favorite topic, I know.  You may have a dementor in your life and not even know it.  Maybe it is a nagging ex that never seems to disappear, maybe it is the guy (or gal) you went on a few dates with that doesn’t seem to take the hint, perhaps it’s a one night stand that just keeps circling back into your life; whoever the cause, the end result is the same, no matter what you call it.  These people are lingerers.  They are the people that loiter around your life popping up every now and then, but always at the inopportune moments.   These lingerers never seem to play a big part in your present life, but they try to make their presence known with a 2am ‘hey you’ text [we all know what you’re getting at with that one, slick] or even the ex that only seems to pop up with the “I miss you’s” when social media has you living a seemingly happy life.  No matter what their specific role in your life is, these people need to give it a rest.  I’m sorry, but if we went on one date years ago and have had minimal/platonic contact since then, there is no reason to reach out with a “we are long overdue for a date night.”  No we are not, you can leave. 

I have one acquaintance I went on a few dates with back in the day that still, presently, to this day, will text me to make plans and then never follow through.  He has done this so much so in the past 3 years that I don’t even take him seriously.  I think I would have a heart attack out of shock if he actually set a concrete date into motion.  Instead it’s a vague “we should get together for dinner this weekend” with no follow-through.   I am perfectly fine with never going on a date with this person, what I am not perfectly fine with is him constantly reaching out with plans as if they are not completely delusional.  Who is winning by appeasing this charade? It’s like the ‘friend’ that says “we should go for coffee” and it never comes to fruition.  I’m fine without it, no need for the act.  As Don Draper would say “I don’t think about you at all.” 

My main problem with these lingerers, and readers please feel free to reach out if this is just a ‘Me’ thing (which I think it may be,) but it really just is annoying.  Even if these lingering dementors aren’t big enough players in your life to suck all the happy energy out of you for the day, it’s certainly an inconvenience.  I do not like having my life be a revolving door for people; door goes one way, so you have to choose, in or out.  I think the power with these lingerers lies with the fact that they do not want to be locked down, but they want you as an option.  For the specific happy-crushing ex, they probably just don’t want to see you happy with anyone else, but that is another story all of its own.  So short of waving a stick with wizard powers shooting out of it, how do you kill a dementor?  You cut off their source.  Stop chasing people, stop giving in and placating their insincere attempts at being in your life.  My new thing is either not responding at all, or calling people out on their absurdity.  Sure, it may not be the most polite approach, but neither is standing in the doorway of someone’s life.

So, readers, in spite of sounding very cliché, never treat someone like a priority when you are just their option.  Shed light on these lingerers and kick them right out of your life before they suck all your joy away.

Xoxo

“Don’t let unworthy people drag you down”

I named the title of my blog don’t let unworthy people drag you down because in a recent conversation with one of my longtime friends, he said this to me and it was like a slap of clarity.  While it makes sense that you should never let people bring you down, you certainly wouldn’t befriend people who make you feel less, sometimes that line gets a little convoluted.  Think about it; we all have that one friend that constantly makes nasty comments or is itching for an argument, and maybe we just shake it off and say ‘Oh that’s just Karen.  She’s always like that.’  Why do you keep this friend in your life? Why do we stand for this kind of behavior? Well maybe it’s because this friend has been part of your tribe for a long time, and you never considered the fact that they wouldn’t be in your life.

But if you think about it, you would never tolerate this behavior from a new friend, would you?  If the answer is ‘no,’ then you should not stand for it in your old friends either.  The way we do spring cleaning in our closets and throw out that sweater we love and had forever even though it no longer fits us right, you too are entitled to spring clean your friends.  When I say ‘spring clean your friends’ I do not mean a Facebook friend list overhaul (albeit liberating.)  What I do mean is to eliminate people from your life who no longer serve a purpose.  Sure, that sounds harsh, but your peace of mind should be your first priority. 

You do not need to apologize for outgrowing someone. You shouldn’t have to apologize for who you are, and if someone from your past cannot get on board with the new person you’re becoming (assuming you’re changing for the better) then cut your losses and move on.  You should not constantly need to defend yourself or your actions.  You are allowed to change; you are allowed to grow; you are allowed to shed your past and happily keep moving.  You do not constantly need to be the one fixing things, apologizing, making plans, reaching out. You are enough.  You do not need to lessen yourself for anyone.

The same way you are enough and you do not need to defend your own life choices, you do not need to justify anyone else’s.  If your ‘friend’ is constantly being a jerk to the point where you really don’t see any positivity in hanging out with them, well then stop hanging out with them.  You do not get any points for keeping toxic people in your life.  How many times can you say ‘oh they’re just having a bad day’ before you realize no, they’re just really a bad person.  Maybe they’re not even a bad person, maybe they just like to complain all the time and that really stresses you out.  I am a huge proponent of ridding myself of anything that does not make me happy or does not feed my soul.  If something or someone is making you miserable or just not bringing anything good into your life, you’re allowed to free yourself of it.  You are allowed to walk away from things, people, and situations.  You’re an adult (I’m assuming,) no one should ever tell you what you can or cannot do. 

So, my dear, sweet readers, please, I implore you to take a look at your life and eradicate anything and anyone that no longer suits your present lifestyle.  Like my friend Branno says, “Don’t let anyone drag you down, particularly those that are not considered worthy.”  Worthy is a completely subjective term, but it is what is worthy to you.  Think about the life you want to create, and who in your life supports and facilitates your dream life…those are your tribe.  Those people who come to mind are the people that are always going to be in your life.  People who help other people up instead of putting them down, people that nurture a loving and supportive environment (while still lending criticism and honesty,) those are the people that you should want around your life.  Never be afraid to let people go and say ‘I love you, but you are not what my life needs right now.’  Sure, it won’t be easy letting go of friends you have had for years, it isn’t easy with my favorite beat up sweaters either, maybe you will both grow in the future and your paths will cross again, but no matter what you need to do what is best for you.  Please don’t ever apologize for putting your own wellbeing and happiness first. 

Don't Call It A Comeback.

Hello again, BlogFam! Sorry for the radio silence, but I have been hitting the town doing due diligence on the dating scene to get you some material for great stories.  What have I come up with, you ask? Well . . . . the dating scene is still dismal, at best. 

I have opened my options up from the usual bar scene and dating websites and tried the sage advice of a matchmaker! What I discovered there, however, is to save your pennies.  It is entirely underwhelming.  I dealt with three people within the company and while they all made it seem like they were very interested in helping me with my search, their advice and ‘picks’ were absolutely not what we discussed.  The package I purchased was for an endless membership with several matches.

I try to keep all my interactions abiding by the baseball rule; three strikes and you are out.  Needless to say, after I knocked down a few of the matchmaker’s attempts as well as dislike the 3 dates I actually went on through them, we mutually gave up on each other.  They are not Masters at Matchmaking.  But, I digress, you came here for stories, and stories I do have!

The first gentleman (that is more of an ironic statement than an actual description) they set me up with was a man outside my age range, nearly 20 years my senior, working in the media industry.  From both his profile and his pictures I knew this was not going to end up with a second date, let alone warrant a first one, but for the sake of keeping an open mind, off I went.  First of all, he picked the coldest day of the year to go on a date, he also picked the day before Valentine’s Day, which I found extremely odd.  Now, I am not a girl that particularly acknowledges that ‘holiday’, but I do think it is odd to have a first date around that day.  Anyway, the bar he chose, despite my opposition, was roughly an hour and a half from my house.  After I FINALLY got to the bar he chose (which was WAY too hipster/ironically pretentious for my taste) he was EXTREMELY boring; Like, flat affect, wildly apathetic, boring.  Maybe it was just me, but after one drink he bounced and it took me longer to commute than the date actually lasted. 

Still, onward I went on my endeavor to give people a chance and not succumb to my fate as Crazy Dog Lady[1].  The second date they set me up with was a lawyer, also 20 years my senior, who proceeded to state the obvious about everything.  Not only was he on jury duty, but he was on the GRAND JURY--- and then asked me if I knew what that meant; not to fear though, he was going to explain it to me anyway! He then asked me what my favorite movie was; I reciprocated with asking about his favorite book (because I am a nerd and that is what I do) and his response? ‘I don’t read books, I read depositions.  Do you know what that means?’  FELLAS--- I am sure y’all are as great as your mother has been telling you for years, BUT there is never an excuse to insult a lady’s intelligence, especially if you are trying to court her.  Be a gentleman! I mean, really, you do not need to worship the ground she walks on (although that would be nice) but you DO need to be polite.

As a general rule of thumb, if people kept all of their interactions polite and kind, the world would be a much better place.  Remember, it is nice to be important but it is important to be nice.  Anyway, after several more condescending comments, I decided this date was an epic fail and I should cut my losses.  However, of course this knucklehead had to get one final insult in.  Over the course of the date he noticed I had a small tattoo on my wrist, covered by my watch.  As we were walking out he noticed another small one I have on my ankle, to which he stated, ‘how can you be so well read and plastered in tattoos?’  Now, my mother taught me not only to have an open mind, but if I had nothing nice to say, a closed mouth.  Clearly this man’s mother did not do him the favor of instilling him with some manners.  The great kicker is after that horrid interaction, he STILL called me for a second date. 

Although I adore you, dear readers, I was not subjecting myself to that insanity for one more second.  So I did what any other fed-up single woman would do when proposed with an undesirable date . . . told him I had to wash my hair that night.  Sure, that was admittedly pretty mean, but I am only as kind as the people I interact with.

 But let this be a lesson to you all, daters, even when you think a date is bombing miserably, you never know what the other person is thinking.  I could not imagine how anyone would want to go on a second date after an interaction like that.  I mean, how can someone be so condescending and insulting if they were actually interested in the other person, right?  Clearly that was incorrect information.  Some people are just wired differently.  You do not need to accept everyone and keep them around, especially if they are toxic to you, but you should know that it is not always you; some people are just crazy.

Well, I know I promised you THREE awful matchmaking dating stories, dear readers, but you will just have to wait until next time for the last story.  Don’t worry, I promise you, that one takes the cake. J

Later daters, and welcome back to my crazy dating life.

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[1] Dog lady, because cats are not my thing.

Be Strong, But Do Not Be Hard

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

That is my favorite quote from Kurt Vonnegut.  I happen to think it is hauntingly beautiful and quite profound. In a world that is constantly presenting reasons to be sad or hurt or hateful, you must still find the positive. In my opinion, this quote can be applied to all factions in life. . . for example, my favorite educational topic, DATING!

The dating game is a tough one because you need to learn from your past mistakes, but not let them make you hard, bitter and jaded for the next brave soul who comes around.  There is also another factor you need to be juggling; being strong vs. being mean.  Sometimes you meet people or you enter a relationship, and it is not what you need at the moment, and even though you care about person, you cannot stay.

Let’s say you meet someone and you want a relationship and they want something more casual, but they’ll send you mixed signals, treat you like a significant other, but then disappear for weeks or say they don’t want anything serious; this is when you need to be strong.  That does not mean they are bad and you should be mean, that just means they are bad for you and you should walk away.  You can have love for someone, they can be great, but that does not necessarily mean they are great for you.

I know firsthand, it is very hard to walk away from something you want, and I know a lot of friends that are in the same boat as me.  Unfortunately, and please heed this warning dearest daters, you cannot save people.  You need to love someone for who they are and where they are at the present moment, not who you can see them being.  That being said, when someone tells you they aren’t looking for anything serious or they don’t want to be with you, but they still reach out to you here and there, you need to believe them.  Be strong and ignore them when they reach out.  I’m not saying you need to be mean to that other person, but you need to be strong enough to walk away from anything that isn’t right for you. 

Some people I know would argue that you should wait around, continue presenting your best self, take care of the other person and hope they see how great you are and you win them over.  While that plan could work, my rebuttal is why on earth would you want to be with anyone whom you have to convince to be with you? We have all been in those unrequited love situations; where you are infatuated with someone and they are infatuated with the attention you give them so they give you just enough to keep you hanging on a line but not enough to think you have a chance. That is not fair to you, and really, do you want to be with such a narcissist?  Being in a relationship should not be means for an escape from yourself.  You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else, and the people that go around only loving others for how much they love them are people that do not love themselves; thus they can never truly love you the way you deserve. 

Everyone should love themselves and to have someone love them for who they truly are, not just how you make them feel.  Love yourself enough to not settle for anything less than someone who knows what they have when they have you.  Do not chase after someone hoping they will change their mind about you.  Go out there and be your best self and do everything you want to; be happy with yourself, and you will find someone to complement you.  You should be with your counterpoint who also loves themselves enough to be confident with their life and not look for an escape into another person.   

Be strong enough to walk away from anything or anyone that does not suit you, but soft enough to welcome the right person into your life.  Personally, I rather not play in the band at all than play second fiddle, so I know I will not wait around for anyone to change their mind about being with me.  Life is all about timing, and if you do not catch the prize the first time, you may not get another chance.  That is how I look at myself, and you should too.  Never let anyone be your priority when you are just their option; you are more special than that.  So go put yourself out there, embrace the beauty of the world and love, but do not waste your time on anyone.  You are unique and exceptional and magnificent, shame on whoever does not see that the first time.  Be strong, be soft, and gladly embrace every opportunity you are faced with, for better or worse.

‘Season of Love’: For the Single

With the impending heart holiday a few days away, it seems that most single people are running for the bars or sadly reflecting with their bloody battered hearts in hand.  Here’s my advice to you, STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Get it together, girls and boys, it is JUST another day.  Single/taken/married/question mark status, it does not matter, it is just another day.  If you are with someone, you should not need an overpriced commercial holiday to make you be romantic and try new things/restaurants/events.  You should try to make your significant other feel special daily, or at least not just on a designated ‘holiday.’  For those of you that are single, you are single the other 364 days a year too, what is the difference?  If people making out in bars/trains/public spaces doesn’t bother you on a normal day, why let it bother you on Valentine’s day?  Let us not make monsters out of a day that was created to sell extra candy.  While this may sound like the rant of some scorned woman, I can assure you it is not.  I have been in several long term relationships in my life and I have only gone out and did the whole ‘commercial valentine’s day’ experience ONCE in my life.  It was never something that really interested me.  Why do you need to blow all this money on roses (which remind me of funerals more than love) and dinner (which is raising the price and lowering the quality) on a day when you can get me my favorite sunflowers and a nice dinner any other day during the year?  But, I digress.

Valentine’s day also holds a stigma for single people; that they are somewhat unfit and need to rehash what went wrong in past relationships.  This time last year and this present 'love season' I have been faced with several single girlfriends who are in the ‘where did I go wrong/will this get easier’ phase of their singledom.  For those of you that are newly single (welcome!), or those that are still trying to navigate your way through the rubble of a breakup, let me be the first to tell you: it does get easier.

I guarantee it; all of this heartbreak will get easier.  You will get over your [in]significant other, this pain will make sense to you, and you will move on and meet the person that you are meant to, in due time.  I think of all the times I  had given my heart away, only to get it returned bruised and beaten, and how badly it hurt me; but looking back on it, and seeing how many of my girlfriends ask me for advice now (and you too, blogfam) it was obviously setting me up for something bigger.  All of my heartbreak was just a learning experience, and while that sounds completely cliché, it is entirely true.  My past tragedies have only made my future that much easier, for me and those I love. 

The problem with moving on is that everyone makes it seem like its the easiest thing in the world.  When you go through a breakup, all of your friends say ‘move on’ ‘move on,’ like it is as simple as that.  What no one tells you is it is not that simple.   I am not here to sugarcoat things for anyone; I have the distinct ‘talent’ of dishing out unrelenting honesty. I rather be given and hurt by the truth so I can plan accordingly than to be told a lie and blindsided later.  So let me tell you the truth, my dearly dedicated readers, moving on is really really tough; moving on takes a lot of hard work and conscious decision making on your part.  It is like putting yourself on a diet; you cannot avoid all of the donuts and chocolate (or couples/commercial love holidays paraphernalia/your ex), you see them everywhere, you want them, but you know they aren’t good for you. So you just have to cut them out.  Sure, you have your days of backsliding or you will stare at them lustfully, but eventually you just have to make the conscious decision to choose something else, something better, every day.  Eventually it will be second nature to just choose the ‘better for you’ option, but until then (it takes 60 days to form a habit) you will just have to deliberately make other choices.  You have to be tough on yourself and make yourself a promise; you deserve better and you will not settle for anything less. 

Going back to a past love rarely works out, after all, you did breakup for a reason.   If you find yourself sad and missing your ex and wanting to text them, go on Tinder/OkCupid or whatever dating app people use now and message someone else.  Every time you want to stalk his or her social media, friend a cute friend-of-a-friend instead.  Sure, this may stop you from stalking because who wants to look creepy and friend cute mutual friends they don’t know[1], but you never know, maybe you DO friend someone and you guys chat and things work out! Could happen, that is what we call a win-win.

Unfortunately though, the rumors are not true, all is not fair in love and war.  It hurts and stings and is tough, but you have to make the effort to change.  All great change is preceded by chaos, a quote that certainly rings true in love.  Things do not change unless you make changes, so if you have to move on (whether you like it or not), put in that work and move on.  Sure, it sucks and it’s difficult, but you know you deserve better.  So please, go out this Valentine’s Day and start your own Black Hearts Club and cause some havoc! Go makeout with a stranger or two, go eat some ice cream and watch bad movies, have lots of wine and deliciously bad-for-you food.  This is your time, live it up! Do not mope and wallow, because you know the ex-object-of-your-affection is not sitting at home ruining their life over losing you.  That being the case, why on earth would you want to give anyone else that power?  You are a great, important, special, unique little snowflake, and your ex is a jerk for not knowing it when they had you! So, shine on, little diamond, make them regret losing you and go on your way to find someone way better.  The best thing about being single is that the opportunities are endless, so go take advantage of the vast possibilities, no matter what day!

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[1] I would! Fortune favors the brave.

When A Song Changes Your Life-- Movie Review: Begin Again

There are some movies that come along just to entertain you; to bring you to a new universe for an hour or so, make you laugh, make you cry, and then move on.  Then, there are other movies that are so true to art, they touch your life in an entirely different way.  I am a huge fan of indie films, certainly ones that revolve around music.  There are the cult classics, of course, that are hugely influential, like Almost Famous or That Thing You Do, but then there are the lesser known films.  Films like Across the Universe or Once did not get much press popularity before their launch, but they now have their own following, both for their film and their amazing soundtracks. 

However, the real reason I am writing this blog is to discuss a movie that recently came out, pretty quietly, but it is definitely worth the watch.  Begin Again is an amazing indie film with an a-list cast, that you probably never heard of but you should!  Writer-Director John Carey, who also wrote ‘Once,’ was the genius behind this film.  Begin Again has something for everyone; it is a musical dramedy following a producer, a song writer, and the people who intersect their lives.  As someone who has always been into music and the industry, this movie definitely piqued my interest.  Not only did I find the storyline and actors compelling, but the soundtrack really is out of this world. 

The film is almost two hours long, but you will not notice the time pass at all.  At the end of the movie I found myself wanting more, so much so that I had to watch the movie a second time.  I felt completely entranced by the soundtrack even after the movie was over.  I turned the movie on at 11am yesterday morning, watched it twice, and have been listening to the soundtrack since I bought it [off of itunes] last night.  What I personally loved about this film so much (other than the obvious music) was how they portrayed the storylines of each character interweaving.  I also love the idea of how a song can save your life and change your course; a sentiment I know myself (and many of my friends) can strongly relate to.  It is no secret, as it has been discussed in my previous blogs, that I find some music (and books) to be transcendental.  Sometimes these things just find their way into your life at the right moment to help you through, or show you things previously unseen.  Begin Again definitely was a movie for me that went beyond the ‘entertainment factor’ and took me back to the music scene girl I loved being.

Even if the storyline doesn’t relate to you directly, it is a little hard not to be moved by the music.  With an all-star cast like Mark Ruffalo, Kiera Knightly (who is an amazing singer, by the way) and Adam Levine, this movie is a crowd pleaser.  There is music, romance, comedy; this movie has something for everyone. So if you find yourself with two hours to spare one evening, you should definitely check this movie out. If you don’t want to take my word for it right off the bat (because two hours is quite a commitment) maybe just check out the soundtrack[1], and you will be jonesing for more.  It takes a lot for a movie/soundtrack to move me, certainly if it’s about musicians, I am not easily impressed, but Begin Again left quite the impression.  Don’t just take my word for it, check it out for yourself and let me know what you think!

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[1] http://youtu.be/tKH23vQbwOw

Why You Should Walk Away From Wrecklationships

Relationships, when they are new, are always exciting.  You get to learn all about this new person, have them learn all about you; you get an automatic date to everything, you’re always entertained because you can just talk to your +1, new relationships are exciting.  As a general rule, in adulthood or even in your adolescence, being in a relationship should enhance you.  The object of your affection should be someone who adds to your life, makes you better, makes you happier; they are just the icing on the cake to your already amazing life.  What a relationship should never be, is something that makes you feel worse, turns you into someone else entirely, or tears you away from the things you love.  That, my friends, is called a Wrecklationship.

I am not passing any judgment at all; we all go through these kinds of relationships at least once in our lives.  Sure, when you’re in a new relationship, you usually fall off the face of the planet for a bit, safe and secure in your ‘love bubble,’ completely infatuated with your new boy/girlfriend.  Yet, in any healthy relationship, that need to be around each other 24/7 subsides, you come back down to planet earth and start being an active participant in your friendships. 

When you’re young and all relationships are brand new, you feel the need to hang on each other and do everything together; no one ever sees you alone, and there isn’t a moment in public where you’re not physically clinging to your insignificant other, making everyone else uncomfortable.  In your adulthood, that novelty wanes, and your better judgment steps in. I get that romance is great, and that new relationship feeling is amazing, but there is no reason why you need to make people around you uncomfortable with your PDA.  The only people that behave that way in their adulthood are people that are crazy insecure.  If you’re able to have a serious relationship, then you should be at a place in your life where you are secure enough in your relationship (and with yourself) to not need to be around your sig o[1] all the time, nor needing to physically ‘mark your territory’ by touching them constantly.  When I see this childish behavior being displayed by adult relationships, it actually makes me really uncomfortable and sad.  Not only do I get uncomfortable because they’re obviously not respecting each other’s boundaries or that of everyone else in the room, but I feel sad because they are obviously so insecure that they feel this unhealthy display of affection is positive.

Any relationship, no matter the age, that is all encompassing, prohibits you from doing what you like, impedes on your relationships with friends and family, or just generally dictates your behavior is unhealthy.  You’re a free person; you should be able to act like it.  A healthy relationship will never stifle the person you are, it will never ask you to not talk to your friends, it will never not let you have ‘alone’ time with your friends.  Those kinds of relationships are wrecklationships, and while there may be a reason you feel you need to stay with that person, in the long run, it will not be good for you. 

Think about it, would you want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t want you to have a life outside of them?  What would you have to talk about on a daily basis? Not to mention that it is just generally unhealthy to have zero interaction with anyone outside of your paramour.  I have been on both sides of the coin of losing friends due to relationships.  What I have learned with that is, 1) no one. No one should ever tell you who you can and cannot be friends with.  2) if you were really friends with the person you scorned, with enough repenting, they will come back to you.  But of course you have to do the heavy lifting with some serious groveling.

If you ever find yourself in a wrecklationship and you’re afraid to leave, DON’T BE.  Yes, they will make you feel guilty, and your graduation goggles[2] will come out in full force making you think they weren’t so bad . . . let me just stop you there; No one that cares about you, and I mean REALLY cares about you, ‘more than they care about themselves’ cares about you, would stop you from doing anything you love.  If you love singing, or dancing, or going out with your friends, heck, maybe you just love movie Sundays with your Momma, then whoever you date will love that too.  The things you love are part of you, and if someone who is claiming to love you is asking you to give all of that up for them, ‘in the name of love,’ then they don’t really love you for YOU.  They simply want you around to fill the void of insecurities in their own life. 

I am going to hit you with some hard but true advice my coworker and ‘snackshop mom’ Peggy[3] gave me back in the day: ‘you can feel more lonely with someone else than you ever could by yourself.’  It may feel like you need to be in a relationship or else you’ll be so lonely you’ll explode, but that is not true! You should wait for the right relationship, so you never need to feel alone or inadequate while being with someone.  So, dearest readers, if you ever feel that a relationship is not bringing out the best you, and not bringing the kind of positivity you need in your life, leave.  Just leave.  The decision is that simple.  And know, you will always have a supporter in this corner.  You deserve to be happy,  even if that means waiting for someone who catalyzes that  for you.

Hang in there, daters, the best is yet to come.J

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[1] ‘Sig o’: colloquialism for significant other.

[2] Graduation Goggles- Like when you’re in High School.  You hated it for 4 years, but come graduation time, you have rose colored glasses on and all the memories seem sweet and you miss them.

[3] Miss you, Peggy!! http://www.peggyfoundation.org/

Get Lost to Get Found

I had the amazing opportunity when I was in college to study abroad for a semester in Madrid.  For that four months I was able to easily hop all over Europe inexpensively and effortlessly.  But, being like any other 19 year old at the time, all the places I went to in Europe were the ‘popular’ destinations (Ireland, Italy, Paris, London..etc).  I did do my fair share of exploring and sight-seeing, experiencing each country to the fullest that I could at the time, but now, much older, my travel priorities are a lot different.

Partying, the local parades, pubs and brewery scenes are no longer something I put emphasis on.  Now when I travel I want to be able to see different things; cultures, architecture, food.  I want to experience different worlds every time I travel.  Sure, when I lived in Spain and traveled around Europe I was obsessed with architecture, appreciating it and seeking it out, but it was only if I happened to stumble upon it.  I am no longer interested in following the tourist path most traveled, I want to create my own path, see new things. 

One of my best vacations was when I went to Mexico as an adult (I had been there previously) but this time instead of doing excursions, we rented a car and drove around ourselves with just a map and a vague idea of a plan.  We managed to stumble across a local restaurant, in the middle of nowhere, that opened up to the ocean (great photo opportunity!)  We also found a sort of national park where we were able to walk around with a Mayan tour guide (who introduced us to his ‘friends’..wild crocodiles)  and climbed on rickety wooden towers in the middle of crocodile infested waters, and abandonded lighthouses in the middle of an eerily quiet beach. Yes, this probably wasn’t the safest idea (both because of Montezuma’s revenge and because we had no idea who/what was around) but it was an excellent adventure.  In my adulthood, I believe that vacations shouldn’t be escapes from your life, but they should be adventurous breaks.

My recent book obsession has been Wild, a story in which the author, Cheryl Strayed, backpacks the Pacific Crest Trail alone.  Unfortunately for me, I am not athletic enough to do that, nor do I have any inclination to spend several months walking through areas where both the wildlife and mother nature’s fickle temperature is trying to kill you; but I do like the idea.  I love the idea of taking a ‘soul journey.’ A trip in which you are alone with your thoughts, experiencing things that make you take a deeper look within yourself, questioning yourself, and helping you grow as a person.  While I do not have the luxury to be able to walk away from my life for several months (not that I would, even if I didn’t have a job  or mortgage) I am in love with traveling and think that’s something I should do more of.

I recently started my application submissions to graduate school, hoping to get accepted for the Fall semester.  The program I am applying to is extremely competitive, so I am managing realistic expectations.  However, I decided that no matter what happens, I am going to come out a winner!  If I do not get accepted in the fall, I will take a week (or so) and go traveling through the United States.  The downside of studying abroad in Europe was that I saw a lot of what other countries have to offer, and not enough of my own.  My experience with US travel is not as vast as I would like it to be; full disclosure, I think I’ve only been to 20 or so states! It actually makes me cringe that I have been to other countries’ capitals, and not my own (sorry, DC, you’re on the list!)  So if I have to save tackling grad school for another year, I might as well make the most of the free time I have before it gets trumped by school.

My plan would be to fly somewhere in the country, probably out West or Midwest, and then travel by train to several other cities.  I am thinking if I do a 9-10 day trip, I can definitely get a few landmarks/bucket list places done, or at the very least just have really interesting stories to tell.  So where do you think I should go? Fun things to see in your town, quirky villages you’ve stumbled across on your own travels, interesting places you’ve only read about in books . . . I want to hear everything! I am extremely elated by all the possibilities travel brings, and especially a trip like this.  Opportunities are endless, and your mid-late twenties seems like the perfect time to get lost to come home to yourself.