Serendipity—it’s not like the movies.

Like stated in previous blogs, I am a cynic.  I am probably a horrible girl; all the ‘rom coms,’ ‘princess movies’ and ‘chick flicks’ I’ve watched don’t reassure me that love will find me, it just reassures me that life is not like the movies! When all my friends talk about soul mates, serendipity[1], love at first sight and things being ‘meant to be,’ well I just know that scenarios like that are completely unlikely.  I do not believe in love at first sight, the jury is still out on soul mates, and as far as things being ‘meant to be’ and serendipitous, well, I feel like that is really just an opinion.  Sure, maybe the universe is bringing you to someone, but if BOTH parties do not see it, then one of you is a creep and the object of your love gets weirded out and does not want to be near you.

A few weeks ago I went to a concert with my friends in the city.  We were all looking forward to it, and being musically inclined, we knew to stand in the middle of the floor instead of going up close.  As we were all standing there waiting for the headliner to begin after the opening act I noticed someone in the crowd that looked very similar to my college roommate’s friend.  After some gawking I realized it was not him, but I did find myself in an ‘eye flirtationship[2].’ Shortly after we made googley eyes at each other, the concert started and he preceded to the front while my friends and I firmly planted ourselves in the best acoustic area, the middle.  Several weeks later I was futzing around on one of my many social media accounts and stumbled across him.  I remember saying ‘wow this kid looks familiar, probably can’t be the same person, that is TOO random.’  But I decided to message him and ask if he was the kid from the concert and how he is; usual pleasantries. I mean, he was a good looking kid, and clearly this was an opportunity, so why not be friendly? The few friends of mine I shared this ‘ironic’ encounter with (both men and women, by the way) decided that it was the universe specifically getting us together.  As if, for some reason, we were meant to meet and fate was having us meet again to make a move this time.  Although I do not agree with this at all, who am I to not jump on an ironic situation; for the main reason that I know I will have a good story to tell later[3].

After messaging back and forth, then taking the conversation to text, we discovered something . . . He looks like my college roommate’s friend because his TWIN BROTHER went to my college.  Apparently us having so many connections (a la- 10 degrees of Kevin Bacon) was creepy and our quick flirtationship ceased and desisted abruptly.   You see, even if the universe does [and I’m not saying it does] bring two people together; they need to both be open to seeing that fact.  If they are not, then it is just a missed opportunity and a chance encounter.  I was slightly bummed out by this fact; not for the reason of missing a cosmic connection (insert eye roll here), not even for the fact of it turning into more, I think I was most disappointed by the fact that, while I do pride myself as a cynic, I still hold a tiny bit of hope for things like ‘destiny’ and ‘true love’, and that is not an idea most males my age are open to. 

Romance, like chivalry, is a dead art.

While there may be no counterpoint for me that also holds out hope for these naïve notions, it was nice to see that there may be some cosmic pull drawing people together.  I am beginning to learn that, unlike the movies, destiny and soul mates aren’t always referring to your love life.  My destiny lately is career oriented, and I love that.  As for soul mates, I am sticking to that being the group of friends I have in my life, that I know were put there for a big reason.  As far as the ‘love’ aspect of my life, maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t; I have far bigger things to worry about than pulling up my horoscope and mapping my days around when it says I will find love.  The best part of where my journey is taking me now, is that I am extremely positive and happy in my everyday life.  Live a life so amazing that it will only attract the best people.  That will bring around a serendipitous person. J

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[1] A situation happening by luck, as if it were meant to.

[2] A flirty ‘relationship’ in which you engage a potential love interest by making eyes at them.

[3] I rather have a ‘bad’ story (which ends up being good) than no story at all.  Make life interesting!

40 days. Or My monthly Challenge.

One of my friends is very religious, but also very spiritual.  She loves to constantly find new things out about herself, the purpose for which she is on earth, and how far she can push/test herself.  For this reason, she put herself up to a challenge; every 40 days she will try something new. 

Why 40?

Well in the Bible 40 is a reoccurring and significant figure.  It signifies a period of testing, trials and tribulations, yet always ends with enlightenment.  Also, science says it takes 40 days to break a habit, or in this case, create a new one.

Her first test was to stay off the alluring devil, Facebook, for 40 days.  Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think I could stay off of it for 40 minutes of free time let alone for 40 days, so I’m out.  That being said, she passed that test and even after reactivating her Facebook, no longer feels the need to check it or be as dependent on it for entertainment as she used to be.   As much as I would love to say I’m not, I am totally a social media addict [as this blog can attest to.]  But I guess the first step to beating any addiction is to admitting it, right? 

My name is Gabrielle and I am addicted to Social Media.

 That being said, I cannot give up on it just yet; also because then what else would you good people have to read in the interim??

So that test is not applicable to me, on to the next one.  Her next test was to keep her hair up/pulled back for 40 days, as that is something she is not used to.  I hate my hair up and it doesn’t flatter me, so really what am I accomplishing by attempting that one?  Not that I want to take her experiments, but I am always up for something new to push myself.  That got me thinking, while picking up/letting go of something for 40 days is a great idea, it should really challenge or change you. 

Yesterday I had an epiphany; it was August 1^st and I was going to start challenging myself.  I’ll start with a month since that’s just easier for me to keep track of in my hectic lifestyle and doesn’t add as much pressure.  Back in March I got a ‘let it be’ tattoo because the song has always been close to my heart, and I also wanted the daily reminder to not get so crazy over things I cannot change.  Well, it’s been 5 months and I still let things get to me just as much as I always did. 

It’s not that I’m sensitive, because in most ways I am not, but I tend to take things to heart and get hurt or hotheaded on things that do not matter or because of people who are of no consequence to me.  That being said, in the past two weeks I have had several run-ins with people who make no mind yet it still left me irritated and ruined my night.  After a very convincing pep talk from my mother and my Fundip[1], I decided to just let it go.  That started my epiphany.  There are way too many real problems in this world, things that can go wrong, chance and circumstances beyond my control, that I do not need to give power to those people who really do not matter to me.  So that was my first monthly challenge, Ignore people.  Sure, that seems really easy and it doesn’t seem like a ‘challenge’, but for me it is.  And I know I will be better for it at the end of this month.  So let’s hope this and my mantra bring me some serenity in the next upcoming weeks . . .and forever since this is going to be a life changing project.

As I am on a 5 month intense workout program, working out and my health are some things I am really obsessed with and have been keeping on top of.  While they aren’t exactly ‘new’ in terms of this monthly challenge, they are important tests I am going to stick with.  That being said, I need more things to keep me on track for being a ‘zen’ person and constantly push my boundaries and try new things. 

If anyone wants me to write blogs about specific things, try something new and humiliate myself, here is the chance to tell me!!  I will be accepting all new challenges per month for a limited time, and since this month is more of an internal challenge to better myself, I would like to pick up some fun new challenge to test myself.

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[1] Fundip: A very honest and levelheaded friend of mine who, if you go against her, will leg lock you into submission until you calm down and see it her way.

Breakup. Breakdown.

In my 25 years of life, I have never had a bad breakup.  I have been sad, obviously, but I have never been devastated or crippled for a long period of time[i].  Earlier this year I went through a bad breakup; whirlwind romance, started quickly, madly passionate, strong connection, ended abruptly.  Although it was not my longest relationship, it certainly left me shattered and shaken to my core once it was over.  I felt like I lost my best friend, all the effort I put in was not enough and my future was suddenly a blank canvas, which always scared me.  I never didn’t have a plan in life; I was always working towards some goal, even if it didn’t pan out, I would just switch focus and would be just fine.  Yet this time, this time, I was left a little shell shocked. 

I have never been broken hearted for long, so this put me in a new spot.  It was February and my favorite celebratory month, March[ii], was quickly approaching.  As I was going through what most people go through in their late teenage college years, I acted in that kind of mindset; I put on my ‘big girl’ pants, head out and proceeded to ‘paint the town red' for a month, because ‘fake it til you make it’ seemed like grand advice.  At the end of a very eventful and fun month, I began to feel even sadder than I did before.  Apparently drowning your emotions in Green Bagels and Cider isn’t the best cure for heartache.  Alas, my friends, being the amazing support system they are, tried to distract me with conversations and fun new adventures for us to go on.  These are things girls do when their friends suddenly become single, they swoop in with fancy outfits and nights out or wine, makeup and movies, and I am lucky to have such amazing friends.  Yet at the end of the day (and several months later) I realized the best thing that really could help me was time alone; crying alone watching movies, drinking wine alone whilst crying and watching movies, doing laundry alone and whimpering about the oversized clothes that found their way back into my life, this was really what I had to go through all along.  Heartbreak is a rite of passage, and something I have always avoided.  Usually my ‘quick fix’ was to hold my head high, dance it out and carry on.  This time, that plan failed me miserably . . . or did it?

The best thing about a breakup (and the ensuing breakdown) is that you get to build yourself up.  Like a phoenix you have no choice but to rise from the ashes and really get back to yourself from the ground up! Once I accepted the fact that this is the first time I am utterly alone in a while, I was able to get myself into a routine and make all the decisions I always wanted.  I picked up a workout routine, I was at a different position at work, I picked new colors for my house, started cooking the foods that best fit my schedule and dietary restrictions—this was all about me.  And anyone that knows me [or anyone in my family] knows how much I [we] like the spotlight[iii].  Many years ago one of my friends was reading Eat Pray Love and decided to paraphrase the following quote for me:

‘Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace.’

Now, as I have many things [like a job, family, friends and a mortgage] keeping me in the place that I am, I felt the book was a little . . . fictional for me.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a good story [for the parts of the book I actually read, before getting overwhelmed with her complacency] but I just felt I couldn’t really relate to it.  Again, that was years ago.  Now in my life, while still not running away from my problems, I understand a little more of what she meant.  All in the same month I ended a relationship, started a new position at work and completely overhauled my house ‘décor’ in order to gain some control back into my life.  While I was feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed, [I hate change. I HATE change], looking back now I realize I was in the best possible place.  No, that place was not India.  Instead, that place was just, hope.  I was standing smack dab in the middle of infinite possibilities; my life was a blank slate, I could do anything I wanted to.  And so I did.

Being as that was 6 months ago, I can now happily say that where I am may not exactly be where I want to be in the end, but I am so much happier and closer to getting there.  I am enjoying my journey of life and have really learned a lot about myself, my goals, my loved ones, and what I want from the world that I may not have previously known before.  All kinds of people have come in and out of my life over the years, but I am lucky enough to say the ones that have trooped it out with me from last year to this year are really the best.  They are troopers, veterans of life and soldiers of wisdom and fun; they are my backbone, my friends and my family.  I know they always have my best interest at heart, even when they have to fight me to see it, and they will be there when the lights go out and chips are down.  And for that, I am forever grateful.  I know the people in my life now will be there in 5, 10, 15 years, because, well, we’ve been through it all now and they can’t get rid of me that easily!

While this time period has taught me a lot about the company I keep, this time has also taught me a lot about myself.  I learned what I will tolerate in relationships, what I can compromise on, what I can’t, where I’m going in life and who would be a suitable fit to take that trip with me, what I deserve and most of all what I can’t live without.  Experiencing heartache and going on hilariously awful dates has really taught me more about myself than I could’ve known before.  Sure, I probably should have been taught this lesson in my younger years, since I am not new to the relationship scene, but my priorities have changed a lot from my childhood to my adulthood and my focus has greatly shifted.  I have learned that some issues are extremely important to me, such as religion or politics.  Those things have never really been a topic of conversation or issue before, but recently I am growing to realize that, obviously not everyone has the same opinion as me, that isn’t a new revelation, but also that I don’t think I could really be with anyone who’s views were so drastically contradictory to mine. 

But so it goes, life is always a learning a process; and just when you think you have gone through all the lessons life has to offer and it is smooth sailing from here on out, well, that’s just another lesson life is teaching you at the moment.

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[i] A long period of time being more than a week or so.

[ii] St Patty’s is designated to a MONTH of shenanigans, not just a day.   Don’t be an amateur.

[iii] This statement is a half joke….or a half truth.