Love, Loyalty, Friendship

Loyal: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Obviously, loyalty would be the act of being loyal, which is defined above.  Most people are reading that and rolling their eyes and saying ‘well thank you, Captain Obvious’, but nowadays, loyalty is very much lacking in our society.  You see, once again we can blame the social media obsessed generation our society has found themselves plummeted into, but more than that, people are just selfish beings that have no interest caring about someone else more than themselves.

The Irish have a claddagh ring in which they depict 3 important values; love, loyalty and friendship.  Those 3 values are held high in most societies, even if not publicly worn as ornaments. What the claddagh ring is a great example of, though, is how in any relationship you have [friendship, courtship, partnership, etc] you make a silent contract with that person.  Essentially when engaging in a relationship, as defined, you are pledging your allegiance to this individual. While loyalty is not always so cut and dry, sometimes you need to play the game of chess, it is rather strict on certain social stigmas.

For example, when you are dating someone, you should never let anyone talk about your person.  Sure, maybe there are things you and your friends joke about, things you would say to your significant other’s face, but you should never let someone sit there and badmouth them.  Not only is that disloyal, but it’s disrespectful and blatantly shows disregard for that person’s feelings.  If you are letting someone who does not know your significant other, or is not a fan of theirs, sit there and bash them, well then you really do not care about their feelings.  My view on talking about other people is, if you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all; but if you are going to say something, make sure it is something you have already said to their face.  No one likes a cricket that only makes noise in the shadows and immediately stops chirping when that person comes into the light.  Grow up.

Yet, it is not just courtships that demand loyalty, friendships are very much the same.  I do understand that when there are multiple personalities in play, people get into arguments and maybe not all of your friends like each other, that is understandable! Not everyone is meant to like each other, but you can still be loyal to everyone (see above paragraph about not talking about your person/s.)  There is a huge issue running rampant in the ‘girl world,’ and that is cattiness.  Cattiness is for those basic girls who are all sweet to your face, hugs/kisses/’aww I missed you, girl, we should hang more!’ and then talk about you before you can even turn your back.  Maybe you are thinking of a girl in your group of friends that does that to someone else you know, maybe someone does that to you, who knows, but it is uncalled for and ridiculous.  We are all adults, you should be confident enough in your own assessment of people that if you do not like them, you do not deal with them.  That is it.  There is no need to put on this whole façade and fakeness.  Not everyone is meant to interact on a friendly basis, not a big deal, there are billions of people in this world, it happens. 

However, if you do find yourself in the middle of a group of friends who may not like each other, you may ask how you can be loyal to all sides? Well the thing with that is, never talk about the other parties, not even as simple ‘how is so and so doing?’ great. Shut that down.  The bigger issue that comes into play is social media.  I see a lot of people who blatantly admit to hating someone, but then go and like every picture he/she puts up on their social media outlets.  Now, I don’t know about everyone else, but I have a very hard time playing that game.  I do not do it.  If I do not like you, there is no reason for me to be in your life at all, in any way, shape or form.  While I do understand the need for diplomacy and politics, especially in a small town setting, there is no need to bash someone and then hound their social media under the guise that you are friends.  Something is to be said about the person who can so easily wear that mask; and the thing that is being said is that they are extremely untrustworthy.  If someone will talk about someone else to you, they are talking to someone else about you. 

This goes for men and women alike, there is no reason to be fake.  Being loyal does not only apply to your external relationships, but it applies to yourself as well.  Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, and don’t take advantage of yourself.  Be proud of the person you are, have strength in your convictions, and make sure your word means something.  Because believe me, when you are loyal to someone, you are giving them your word, and that should be enough for them to trust you. 

Stay In The House, Carl

There is pretty much only one television show that I follow religiously, making sure I am home for all the new episodes, patiently waiting every week for them to air.  That show is, of course, The Walking Dead.  Being the self-proclaimed zombie aficionado that I am, I have been a faithful ‘Dead’ fan since the series’ conception.  The series always keeps me on the edge of my seat, constantly applauding the writers [both of the graphic novel and of the series].  However, there has always been one constant in the series that I strongly disliked . . . and that would be the character of Carl Grimes.

Now, I know I am going to lose a lot of people on this, especially the young teenyboppers that adore him, but it needs to be said.  I have never been a Carl fan.  Recently I re-watched the series, so I got to watch Carl grow as a person[1], and I stand by my statement.  I really really really dislike that child. 

‘How can you dislike a child?’ Well for one, he is extremely whiny.  I understand that it’s the zombie apocalypse and he is still a child, but really, it is the zombie apocalypse!  There is no time for conventional morality, social norms, love and especially not childhood innocence.  In the zombie apocalypse it is kill or be killed; you do what you have to for survival.  That being said, Carl needs to grow up fast.  Sure, that sounds harsh, I mean, after all he still has his parents around and they should be able to protect him.  But as the tale of Sophia can attest, sometimes parents just cannot watch their kids and said children should have some basic defense/survival skills.  SPOILER ALERT, Sophia had neither, so she died, and that was the day her mother grew a backbone and became the BAMF[2] she is today.

While Carl certainly has had his fair share of kills and guts [ie: killing Lori, helping Rick clear the prison when the fences caved, etc.] he has still continuously proven to be a child.  While I mainly want to focus on Season 4 of the series, we do need to give Carl some character background.  In the first few seasons it is fair to say he is a child and we should put up with his whining, because the gravity of the zombie apocalypse had yet to sink in.  Nevertheless, Carl’s naïve, careless and childish actions not only endangered himself, but they got other people killed as well.  If it was not for Carl’s carelessness around the mud pit near Hershel’s farm, Dale would not have died.  Sure, Dale was not a character favorite, he was a ‘know it all’ and an unwanted moral compass, but he did not deserve to get his innards ripped out by some mud riddled zombie.  Additionally, it can be argued that he was the cause of Otis’ death.  If he did not get enamored by a deer and consequently hit with the shotgun buckshot that pierced the deer, Shane would not have killed Otis as revenge fueled murder.  Also in this season, no one could ever find Carl.  Anyone who watches The Walking Dead knows to turn it into a drinking game, ‘where is Carl’ became the best one.   The adults would say ‘stay in the house, Carl’ when all hell was breaking lose with zombies, and then all of a sudden everyone turns around and Carl is flirting with the jaws of death somewhere!  Kid is reckless!

Sure, Carl has gone through a lot, but that should make him hard, not ridiculous.  Every time the camera pans over to him I want to get up and shake him.  For instance, in this season Carl prides himself on being an adult and being able to take care of himself . . . Let’s discuss what he did when Rick was in a coma.  He told Rick (albeit an unconscious Rick) that he killed three walkers.  Well, is that true? Sure.  Is it entirely true? No.  He did not kill those three walker[3]s heroically, he almost got himself killed several times in the process, and he threw up afterwards.  You see, Carl was smart in luring the two walkers banging on the doorstep away from his house [I won’t even get started about how they were drawn to the house because of his shouting, reckless!] but in luring them away he encountered a third walker.  This third walker was able to sneak up behind him because he was walking backwards.  Sure, anyone sneaking up behind you is alarming, but during the apocalypse in which the undead are trying to eat you alive, you probably should not be walking a mile backwards luring these two flesh eating creatures with you. 

He used too many bullets (they were supposed to be rationing shots) and was able to take down all three, only by being pinned underneath them.  His main problems here, other than walking backwards with murderous zombies in tow, he used a lot of bullets which are a scarce resource and he also made such a commotion, any nearby zombies would have been attracted to the noise.  After this ordeal, Carl then went on a supply run to a nearby house, where he encountered a zombie.  Every time Carl comes into contact with a zombie he gets flustered and childish, which is understandable.  However it is not understandable since he continuously says how he is not a child.  After a lot of close calls with this zombie, which result in him losing his shoe and almost getting his leg chewed off, he was able to lock the zombie in a room and write a snarky note on the door.  Carl, how about you write ‘Do Not Open: Dead Inside’ instead of ‘Got my shoe, didn’t get me.’  Way to go on the prose, Carl, it is obvious schooling went out the window. What infuriated me most about this scene is that he has zero hand to hand combat skill.  That is just as important as knowing how to wield a gun! You should not be completely defenseless without your weapon, and Carl is.  In the house scene he was grabbing at anything to hit this zombie with and even once he had something, he had no idea how to use it.  Michonne once killed a zombie with twine, Andrea killed a zombie with nothing but pliers while she was handcuffed to a chair; how can you have a lamp, a set of golf clubs and a bat readily available and you still cannot kill it? 

I just don’t get it.

Maybe instead of being mad Carol was teaching the children how to defend themselves with knives instead of reading them stories during story time, he should have paid attention.  Even then, he did not see the importance of what Carol was doing, instead he just ran to his dad and tattled.  That was a childish move, Carl, but that was okay.  What was not okay was the 15 minute rant he went on to unconscious, dying Rick, about how he wishes he were dead.  Then, of course, in true Carl fashion, when he believes Rick comes back as a zombie, he starts crying and breaks down.  You cannot have it both ways, Carl, either be a man or be a child.  When the going gets tough, Carl gets to being a baby.  That really annoys me.  I understand he is stuck between a rock and a hard place, having to grow up quicker than he is ready, but that still does not excuse that he is growing up to be a hooligan. 

The Walking Dead has had several villains (I’m looking at you, Shane) and anti-heroes (hey, Merle) that I have disliked or rooted for, but Carl is by far the worst.  Shane went from being a good guy to a bad guy, Michonne went from being a hard/stand-offish character to being lovable, and even Merle had redeeming qualities; this is all character growth.   Unfortunately for Carl, the only ‘growth’ his character goes through is puberty and severe teenage angst.  We get it, Carl, life is rough for you.  You know who else it is rough for? EVERYONE.  Man up, shut up and quit your bellyaching! There is no crying in the zombie apocalypse! So from now until however long it takes, I will begrudgingly sit in front of my TV every Sunday night hoping this is the night Carl gets bit. 

Sorry, I’m not really sorry.

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[1] I’m going to speak as if he is real and not just a character, so be prepared.

[2] Badass Mother F. . . you get the idea.

[3] The Walking Dead's term for a zombie.

I Waited My Whole Life For You

There are some people you meet in this world that seem like the complete package.  They are the very personification of everything you have ever wanted in another human being; for you, they are perfect.  At least that is the romanticized view of soul mates we tell ourselves we will find whenever we start a new courtship.  The problem with this, however, is that it makes us have tunnel vision and really makes our judgment convoluted. 

Just because you want to find your counterpoint, does not mean that person exists in your world.  As cynical as that statement sounds, I do think that there is one person for everyone.  I believe that each person has a complement that is absolutely perfect for them in every way.  The kicker is, I do not think everyone finds their person; which, I feel, is a true shame and injustice in life. Whether they are not near you geographically, or maybe the timing is just off, they might not exist at the time you need them to.  Yet, I still like to tell myself that there is a person I will find, but that is something we tell ourselves to give us comfort.  Because really, the world is so gigantic and ever changing, who knows where your person may be.

However, when you do find a person, and you think they’re perfect and you love all their flaws and you see all their crazy nuances and love them anyway, how can you be sure?  What if they are perfect for you in that moment, does that mean they will be perfect forever?  I like to think I am an accepting person as a whole, but I know I have met a lot of people in my life and have not fallen in love with their flaws.  Yet when you meet that person you waited your whole life for, you do love even their worst qualities; because that is part of what makes them, them.  I think the true goal in life is to find someone who does not just put up with you, but wholly accepts, nurtures and loves you.  They will challenge you to grow, bring out the best in you, but also love you still even when you fail or stumble or throw a childish fit the Froyo place doesn't have your favorite flavor.  The person you are meant for will see all the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul and love you anyway.  That, to me, is true love.  That is what I wish to find.  Sure, they will still get impatient with you and you will fight and whatever, but at the core, they see your scars and they will not want to erase them, they want to nurture them and show you that whatever your past may be, it brought you to them.

But what if you feel that way about someone who does not feel that way about you? Does that mean they were never truly yours to begin with?  Well, lovers, my feeling on that is, they were a lesson.  They were planted into your life to show you that not all that glitters is gold, everything comes with strings and stipulations.  Just because you love someone, potentially with your whole heart, in spite of themselves does not mean that they are ready to do the same.  That is o.k.  I take the stance that it is better to experience and feel everything life has to offer . . . happiness, pain, disappointment.  These are all rites of passage.  Put yourself out there.  Get Hurt! That is part of life.  Make mistakes.  Just make sure you learn from them.

 If you think you waited your whole life for someone, let them in.  Chances are, they will hurt you; maybe a lot, maybe a little, maybe not at all, you never really know.  But each person you come into contact with teaches you something, and for that, you should be forever grateful.  Someone once told me ‘have as much fun as you can, don’t take anything personal and leave everyone better than you found them.’  I still think about that all the time.  Unfortunately, not everyone plays by the same rules, but that is what I love about love.  Love is not fair and it is not easy, it is a full time job and it takes hard work. 

Each time you encounter love or a new person, they show you more about yourself and what you want and can handle or tolerate (or not) in relationships.  Sometimes you think you find this magical unicorn that you waited your whole life to meet, and sometimes they do not feel the same way about you.  That’s okay, do not get discouraged.  When the timing is right you will find your counterpoint.  That’s the lie I tell myself anyway.  I’m just another single lady looking for a good partner for the impending zombie apocalypse.

But seriously, while I think life is far from fair, I do not believe in coincidences.  Sometimes you cross paths with people just to help you grow into a better person for the next love that comes along.  Life is a forward motion, after all.  Never regret anyone in your past, for they showed you something new about yourself.  That is, at least, how I see it.  I have met some great men in my life, and while they were not meant to stay forever, they have each opened my eyes for many different reasons.  Still, I am waiting my entire life, just to meet that right person.

You'll Thank Me Later. My PSA for Professionals and Social Media

In this ever expanding era of social media squashing all ideas of anonymity, it is hard to keep a professional image.  Yet we all have figured it out at this point, either have a clean social media account you can be proud of, abstain from the platforms all together, or use a pseudonym or alter ego.  However, there are some social media platforms that are solely for professional networking purposes. This, of course, means LinkedIn.

For those of you that do not know, LinkedIn is like Facebook and your resume colliding.  In creating a profile, you display all of your accomplishments, past work experiences, interests and skills, just like would be found on your resume.  The social media part of this equation is that you add a picture and then ‘add’ other people you know to your ‘network’.  The more connections you have, the more people can see your profile and can contact you with potential job opportunities.  That being said, you should want your absolute best foot forward on this site, because you never know who is watching with possible prospects.

My LinkedIn profile has a picture of me, my job history, my education history, my interests, references and a link to my blog [for writing samples].  The picture of me is from a personal dinner I went to, but it is still appropriate, and all information listed on my profile is appropriate, accurate, and up-to-date.  I solely use my LinkedIn to network, and keep my resume relevant.  This is a tool to sell yourself to potential employers; you want to market yourself as best as possible.

While casually searching the ‘people you may know’ tool, I noticed a lot of people are not quite sure how LinkedIn works . . . or how the ‘real world’ works, for that matter.  This being the case, I felt it was my civic duty to educate the masses a little bit and write this blog.

In terms of uploading a picture, you should absolutely upload one.   As all jobs do not deal with clients directly face to face, but over the phone, it is nice to be able to put a face to the name/voice.  However, make sure the picture is appropriate.  If you would not want your boss to see the drunken pictures from you and your ‘Frat Bros’ trip to Vegas, do not put them as your picture.  This is not Facebook, you can only upload one picture, and it is your one and only attempt to make a first impression.  That being said, you want the picture to be of YOU, not you and someone else.  The picture should also not be so cropped and distorted you are indistinguishable, or there are other people’s body parts in the picture.  It takes 5 minutes, put on a clean shirt, stand alone and take a picture for LinkedIn.  The exception to this rule is that you can take a picture of you doing something in your field.  For example, if you’re a teacher, maybe your picture would be you in front of your class.  But mainly, just stick to a regular headshot; and if you must do a selfie[1], please do not take one in a mirror.  You are not a child [I hope]. 

Try to keep your profile up-to-date.  If there are volunteer opportunities you’ve been working on, find somewhere to add it.  If you studied abroad several times, add those schools and programs under education.  All work/professional experiences you have accumulated should be listed on your profile/Resume because that will give people a well-rounded picture of who you are and hopefully open more opportunities.  While you may have done some side projects or volunteer efforts that were not relevant to your current job, a potential future employer may see this as an asset.  Keep your resume and your profile as recent as possible; you never know who you may impress.

While you may be very happy at your current job, I know I am, LinkedIn is still a good source to have.  It is not just for potential new employers, but with making new connections you could pick up new possible vendors or clients.  In this day and age, social media is a very powerful tool and it is everywhere.  Although there is no reason to air all of your dirty laundry on the internet, it is also not a good idea to completely abstain from it; use it to your advantage.  If you do not want to meet a new employer, perhaps you can bring in a new client for your company or at the very least make some new connections to help others.  Even if you just use this forum to keep people current with your professional whereabouts, it is a good thing to be a part of. 

I mean really, isn't it the rule of thumb nowadays that if you do not have a social media thumbprint, you do not exist at all?  Do not fear technology, my dear professionals;  embrace it.  Just remember, once you put something on the internet, it is eternal.  So be wise, because with great power comes great responsibility. 

Good luck out there!

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[1] Selfie: Colloquialism.  A picture you take of yourself.

Okay. Okay.- Obligatory ‘The Fault in our Stars’ Blog

It seems that every blogger I know who reads this book feels the need to write a blog about it.  In this instance, I am no exception to the rule.  There are some books that mean so much to us, it is a betrayal to share them[1], but The Fault in our Stars [by John Green] is too good not to share.

I am a huge nerd, but I am very picky with books.  I can finish a book in a day if it engulfs my interest . . . but if it does not, it will be a struggle and I will eventually put the book down.  Many moons ago one of my favorite UFC fighters, Kenny Florian, wrote on twitter how he was reading this book and then later messaged me to recommend it[2].  As there were a few things in my queue at the time, it took me a while to get to it.  However, I felt with the impending release of the movie, now was as good of a time as any.

I should preface by saying I had just finished reading Lone Survivor a few days before I started TFIOS[3], and was absolutely overcome with emotion.  That book, while a dense read, was an amazing historical account and a book that really touched me deeply.  That being said, now moving to a teen-esque fiction, I was a little skeptical.  But alas, it was on my bookshelf and I need to start getting to all my eager book purchases.

Once I started TFIOS, I tore through it like wildfire.  I could not get enough of the story, the characters, their plight . . . I ate up each and every word John Green laid out and I looked for more.  Every day I would take out my book during my commute and would be so engrossed in the story, I would barely notice when it was my time to get off.  While the subject matter of the book [two, oddly old for their age, adolescents inflicted with cancer meeting at a support group and fall in love] may seem a little heavy and dark, Green navigates through the story with such humor and lightheartedness, that you cannot help but fall in love.  While the book is over 300 pages, I did not want it to end.  I kept wanting to see more of the story, although the ending was great, I just did not want to give up on the new friends and new world I found myself surrounded in.

That’s what I love about a good book; it takes you and transcends you into the world and subject matter you are reading about.  John Green definitely hit the nail on the head here.  While I did call the ending from a few hundred pages out, he did not fail to disappoint.  The story was written absolutely beautifully, that it ensured it was an easy read but was also overridden with emotion.  I felt the pain of the characters, their happiness, everything they were enduring, even if I did not have the same exact experiences to draw from, I was able to empathize.  Once the book ended, I was, unapologetically admittedly, crying on the train.  The book invokes many emotions, and really makes you think about your life beyond the story.  Kenny Florian classified it as a ‘philosophical novel’, which I can understand why he would say that.  Regardless of if you just want to read it for the story or for its effect to invoke profound thought, you should definitely pick up a copy.

That being said, I am eagerly anticipating the movie debut.  I am hopeful that the mixed cast (of veteran and newer actors) will be able to make John Green's brilliant story proud.  It is common knowledge that this book has a huge fan following, so I have high hopes that while the movie will never live up to the book (they never do), it will still bring a new facet of light to the profound novel.  So while the weather is still snowy, and the movie is tightly locked up in some Hollywood warehouse, go to your nearest [hopefully local] bookstore and get your hands on The Fault in our Stars.  I promise, you will not be disappointed!

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[1] This is a reference to a quote from the aforementioned book.

[2] Yes, this really happened.  And yes, I did save the message. . .  SWOON

[3] The Fault in our Stars. I will not only be referring to the book in shorthand, it’s a long title.