When You Put Yourself First..

I have always heard of a quarter-life-crisis; from books, media, my friends, it was not a foreign concept to me.  However, I was never totally sold on the idea . . . that is, of course, until it happened to me.  Funny how that always happens, you never think things exist or could actually happen until you get smacked in the face with reality. 

My quarter-life-crisis really just consists of a few difficult years each bringing their own obstacles, but leading me ever closer to where I am meant to be.  It is very easy to spiral out of control when you are overwhelmed, stressed, nothing seems to be going your way and there is no end in sight.  I won’t lie, some days that is me, happily plunging down the rabbit hole of self-pity, but most days I try to accept that there IS a plan and what lies ahead is far better than what lies behind me.  So, I am just trudging through the mud and biding my time until all this hard work pays off. 

The great thing about this time, though, is that I am learning a lot.  I am working, studying, managing my house, friends, family, daily nonsense, all by myself.  This is the longest I have been single in my adulthood (the whole 2 years), but for the very first time, I am completely alone.  I do not live with my significant other or my parents or even roommates.  If I don’t make my bed in the morning, well I come home to a messy bed at night.  If I don’t take something out to be defrosted in the morning, then it looks like Seamless for dinner for me!  With all these curve balls life has thrown me in the past few years, living on my own has actually made it easier.

When I say easy, I do not mean that it is easier to go through everything alone, but it forces me to depend on myself.  Sure, I do have bouts where I call my parents and brother and make them cook me dinner or watch a movie with me, but 90% of the time I am alone.  I get to know myself in a way that I previously haven’t been able to.  Have you ever lived by yourself? I mean completely alone, I can’t even keep a plant alive let alone a pet.  It is just you and your thoughts 24/7.  You get to do what you want, when you want, and really learn about what it is you want. 

Living on my own for two years now I have discovered tons of things about myself.  So much so that when people do come into my space and start trying to take over I notice that I really like MY way better than anyone else’s.  The great thing about this time is that I do get to learn more about the person I am, and be strong and confident enough in her that I will never surrender her for another person’s happiness again.  I was always the ‘people pleaser’ in relationships.  I like to do nice things for people in general, and I am a good character reader, so I would always bend over backwards and inconvenience myself to appease others.  All that led to was me losing the person I was, being sad and lost, and the other person caring more about their own happiness than mine.  This was where my 2 year search really kicked off.  I knew that I need to be happy with me, and really figure out what I liked and wanted out of life.  I got to blast the music I wanted to blast, read the books I wanted to read, record all the silly TV shows I want.  I am just completely enamored with the little life I’ve built for myself. However, like with all great things, a downfall must follow . . . I am so happy in my own solitude that I am not openly welcoming to share that.  Sure, if you’re great then I will accept you and want you in my life, but you are going to have to be pretty darn great to make me want to let you in to the Fortress of Solitude.

My advice to you, ladies and gents, is that no matter how old you are---take some time for yourself.  Even if maybe you cannot completely live on your own just yet, learn to be happy in your own company.  Because really, you cannot love anyone else until you know who you are and love yourself first and foremost.  So bring it on, quarter-life-crisis, as long as I have myself, I have this under control!

What College Means to Me; And Why I Will Forever Be A Jasper

Anyone that meets me for longer than 5 seconds knows I am a New Yorker, through and through.  I was recently at a wedding where the Bride’s father described me as ‘New York’ to every passerby.  I wasn’t mad at the fact, it is true.  I have New York engrained in my core, and I could not be prouder to call it my home.  However, despite the NYC skyline making my smile on a daily basis, my real home(s) are the boroughs.  Not going into too much detail, I have pretty much lived in or pledged my allegiance to 4 of the boroughs (sorry, Staten Island, no thanks.)  But the Bronx homes my school, and for that I will forever be grateful.

College is a defining moment in everyone’s life.  It is where they spend 4 years, exiting adolescence, and start to become transcended into the adult they are meant to be.  As my peers could attest, some lucky men and women meet their soulmate in college.  This was something my mother always hoped for me, I think.  Unfortunately for me, my school was so small that by the beginning of Sophomore year I had already befriended who I wanted and gave up on everyone else for a long term paramour.  Still, years later, I do not regret that decision.  While my mother may have expected me to meet my soulmate in the form of a husband, she wasn’t entirely wrong about me meeting my soulmate. 

I believe that a soulmate is your soul’s counterpart; someone who understands the darkest, dreariest corners of your soul, loves you for your flaws, and complements your being.  For me, I found that in college on my first day; my down the hall neighbor, or ‘wingmate’ as our annex of the floor so had it be.  I met her on the very first move-in day in 2006, and despite her being 2 years older than me, we were inseparable.  Life may have taken us in many different directions; different states, different study aboard opportunities, different careers, even presently living in different countries, but throughout everything, I never doubted her dedication to my life…and I hope she never doubted mine.  You see, although I met Nicole (that’s her name. hey best friend!) nearly 10 years ago, I know that she will always be a permanent fixture in my life.  Not only because she has entirely too much dirt on me, and it would be too exhausting at this point to ‘break in’ a new bestie (halfjoking!) but because even when life gets in the way and we go a bit without talking, I could never picture her not being there for some random point in my life. 

It has been the better part of 10 years since we met, and this past weekend was her wedding day.  A wedding in which I was a part of the bridal party.  I was extremely humbled to be ask to be her bridesmaid.  I was humbled to play such an important role in her special day.  But mainly, I was taken aback by what an absolutely stunning bride she made.  This girl that I met at 20 years old was now this gorgeous, striking woman who was going to marry the man of her dreams (an amazing fairytale story all on its own.)  I have never had a prouder moment as a friend in my life.

So whenever I get my college’s newsletter and see all my fellow graduates marrying our other peers (some of whom married their exboyfriend’s roommate…awkward!) I laugh.  Because while I may not have found the love of my life in form of a husband, I found something better, a sister.   For many reasons, whenever people talk to me and ask me about my educational background, I always have a special place in my heart for Manhattan College.  While it gave me a great education and a firm foundation to grow on, it introduced me to some of the most amazing people.  People I know I cannot shake from my soul no matter how many years have passed.  This is why I get so passionate about my Alma Mater, and this is why I am profoundly grateful for MC.  

 
Forever and always, 1 will mean home.