Before you say Goodbye, Hold Onto Hope.

It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to Robin Williams, who was always a favorite actor of mine.  Unfortunately he was found dead in his home yesterday after losing his battle with depression.  When people hear the news, all they can think of is ‘he committed suicide.’  No, it is not that simple.  He did not just commit suicide, that was an effect of a deeper cause; he lost his battle with depression.

Depression is an ugly monster.  It is not just a temporary feeling of sadness that one can quickly shake off; it is an all-encompassing feeling of worthlessness, sadness beyond belief, and overwhelming pain, be it physical or emotional.  Whenever it comes to victims who succumb to suicide, there are always people who are disgusted and call that person ‘selfish.’  I am sorry, but that absolutely enrages me; so much so that I felt compelled to write an article about it.

I have lost several people in my life to suicide, and never once did I think they were selfish.  Yes, I wished they stayed with us, sought help, saw how great they were like we all did, but I was never mad at them for choosing what they did.  People who suffer from depression suffer; it is an illness just like any other.  Suicide is not a choice a rational minded person makes; it is what some victims of depression feel as a compulsion.  Imagine the worst day you have ever had and multiply that by 100 and that is a glimpse of what depression is like.  Depression victims do not just get ‘sad’ or ‘down on themselves,’ they are filled with such a self-deprecating feeling of hatred that they actually think their existence is a disservice to their loved ones; that being alive brings the people they love grief and pain.  Depression can make you feel so worthless that you not only can’t see how anyone would love you, but you don’t want the people you love to be around such a horrible person.  That is how depression makes you view yourself.  To regularly think that the world would be a better place without you in it, and to feel so isolated, it is no wonder why so many people succumb to the disease. 

As a society I think we need to stop blaming people who have suicidal thoughts and try to help them.  Depression is an illness and when we are sick we take care of ourselves and have others take care of us, this is no different.  Instead of pointing the finger at victims of suicide and calling them selfish, let us get to the root of the problem and try to help them before it is too late.  All lives are precious and especially important to the people we hold dear, they should know that.  No one should ever feel so isolated and unloved, especially when they are surrounded by people that love them.  There are plenty of suicide prevention companies[1] but many victims feel they can do it on their own or that no one understands them.  I happen to think they are right in the latter thinking.  Society is so quick to turn a blind eye to the gravity of depression and when the worst arises, no one takes responsibility that it could have been prevented.  I do not think it can be prevented all the time, but it never hurts to try and be the helping hand, the friendly lifeline, the shoulder that someone might be dying to have.  So as a society let us lose the stigma of suicide and depression, and let us acknowledge it as an illness like any other and talk about the root of the problem in order to find a solution.

There is always hope.

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[1] www.Suicidepreventionlifeline.org , www.TLOHA.com

Girl At The Rock Show

Over the weekend I spontaneously went to a concert at the Forrest Hills Tennis Club.  If you have never been there and you get the opportunity to check out a concert there, definitely do it!  That is now one of my favorite venues ever.  For an outdoor stadium, the sound was good, all seats had a good view of the stage (although we had particularly good seats) and the vibe of the concert was just intimate and fun; granted that may have had something to do with the band.  That brings me to the real reason of the article, the concert I went to was for the band Brand New.  If you don’t know who they are, you should google them right now, I’ll wait! 

But for a quick background, they are a Long Island based band that started in 2000.  They are currently working on their fifth album, and with every new album they released, the band has tweaked their sound (vibe) somewhat.  While they always stick within the genre of rock, they have grown from pop punk to indie to emo and now are in alternative.

Although Brand New may not be known by everyone, they have a really big following, and as the occupants of the crowd at the Tennis Club could attest, they are loved by rockers/bros/sorority girls/young and old people alike.  Brand New amongst a few other bands got me through a lot of my adolescence, and looking around the crowd at the Tennis Club, it looked like many of people could say the same.  The minute they took the stage, the crowd roared with excitement and praise, and from the very first note of their very first song, it was evident I would be boarding the nostalgia train for the evening. 

Every song they played transported me, and the rest of the audience, to a different time and place.  I sat in my seat swaying to the music, belting out every song, as did the rest of the crowd; it was really a transcendental experience.  I have gone to several concerts in my adulthood, but I really used to go to a lot through my youth and in college.  If I went to one show a month, it was a slow month.  However now, as I am older, the same shows I used to go to are hit and miss.  Sometimes they’re a lot of fun, and other times I’m annoyed I’m being squished behind a mosh pit and some smelly/sweaty 20 year old is too deeply in my personal space. 

However, seeing Brand New Saturday night made me realize how great concerts and shows can be when the music really means something to you.  Listening to Jesse Lacey and his band and being in that environment, surrounded by music and people who loved it as much as I do, made me extremely happy to be there.  I was happy to be in the moment, my soul was calm and content, and I was filled with an abundance of love for the universe.  That show reminded me why my first love was music, which apparently was something I needed to be reminded of since I thought I was getting too old for shows.

Brand New and a few of the other indie bands of my youth always spoke to me in a way that doesn’t happen every day.  In college I once turned in a 5 page paper that revolved around one Brand New song and it’s meaning to me.  I am a firm believer that anything can have personal meaning, but music should most definitely be one of those things.  So I guess the lesson I learned Saturday was you are never too old to see your favorite band or to relive memories that always had such a huge impact ony our life.  

Is This A Date?

In the 21^st century it seems traditional dating has become a thing of the past, as it has now been replaced with ‘hangouts’ in an attempt to be detached.  The ‘winner’ in the game of dating is whoever cares the least, right? Wrong! Or at least I think it’s wrong, but apparently I always lose, because while I think caring comes gradually, I do care enough about my dating life that I want to be courted a bit.  Thus brings me to my perpetually problematic dating life.

When I say I want to be courted, I do not mean I expect lavished gifts or someone to profess their love for me via skywriting (although I would not be opposed to those things, fellas!) but I mean more in the little things.  I am a very low maintenance person; you give me a book, some sunflowers or something shiny and I am distracted and content for hours.  While some girls look for gifts, I rather look for attention or little tokens that you’re thinking of the other person.  For example, I am a huge texter; I’m not one to talk on the phone too often, but in the ‘getting to know you’ stage of dating, I find texting to be extremely imperative.  I know everyone is busy during work hours, but it takes nothing to quickly rattle off a text just to let the object of your affection know you’re thinking of them.  Trust me, ladies and gents, the smallest gestures are often the biggest impacting.

So that being the case, when someone takes enough interest to ask me on a date and schedule it days (or sometimes even weeks) in advance, I expect to hear from them in the interim.  Alas, not everyone was raised the same way and have different ideas of ‘etiquette’ than I do.  I am finding that the new ‘trend’ in the dating scene amongst mid-twenty to mid-thirty-somethings is to ask someone on a date in advance, and then not check in until early evening the day of. Are you JOKING?!  Personally, this is a huge turn off.  Basically by waiting to text me til 4pm [or after] the day of the date seems to me like you were expecting me to be pining away, thinking about this date, and not make any other plans.  Not to be mean or anything, but my ‘free time’ is way too limited to wait around for anyone, so if you do not follow up, I assume the date is off.  Because really, it is just inconsiderate to think that someone is waiting around for you; why are you so special? 

I want to be excited about a date, anticipating seeing the person in a new [romantic] light (if you already know them) or getting to know someone new entirely.  Dates are supposed to be fun, scary, but fun nonetheless, filled with anticipation and hope.  You’re supposed to want to get dressed up, present your best self, and talk to someone, even if you know them, in a way that you have not previously done so. 

On the flip side, with all this ‘textual aloofness’ trending in my generation today, I tend to get easily discouraged and instead of looking forward to the date, I actually dread it.  If there is no excitement going into the date, then there is no hope of a relationship because it is evident that there is no spark.  I mean, if you’re not even going to take the time to text someone or, let’s say, get a little dressed up for a date, then why would I think that you would be a suitable mate? Again, I’m not looking for something grand, but if you show up for a date in a white Hanes (under)shirt, khaki shorts and a hat that you casually mentioned you picked up from your female friend’s house, I am going to assume you do not want to pursue a romantic relationship since you clearly couldn’t even bother to muster up the energy to throw on a polo and brush your hair. 

It is much tougher for girls to get ready for a date; we don’t know if we should dress casual or fancy, or if we dress ‘fancy casual’ in which it looks like we look so effortlessly cute, but in reality it took a lot of effort.  Then there is the ‘do I wear comfortable shoes or heels?’ meanwhile all a boy needs to do to look fancy is throw on a polo or a flannel.  You’re telling me a Hanes shirt that is meant to wear UNDER things is the best you could do, and I’m supposed to want to go on a second date?  No thank you, I am out.  I’m not looking for a Prince Charming, but a little romance would be nice.

With that in mind, if you’re not looking forward to a date, is there even a point going?  There have been plenty of times where I have dreaded a date in which my friends force me to ‘suck it up and go’ and my gut always ends up being right.  If there is no spark, no cat and mouse flirting, no communication prior to the actual date event, then is there a point attending the date at all?  I’m genuinely asking, because I’m not quite sure if I am giving the universe too much credit here.  My viewpoint on dating is if I do not feel something for that person, and there’s not even enough of an attraction to want to communicate a little before a date, then they probably aren’t the person for me.  I assume (here’s where giving the universe too much credit comes in) that when I find someone who I am supposed to give a chance, I will know it and feel something, anything other than apathy, really.  However, I have a friend[1] who tells me I should give everyone a chance.  Actually what she really says is ‘if their face doesn’t make you vomit, try them out and go on a date.’  So is dating more of a numbers game than a cosmic pull?  Do you just race through life and love going on as many dates as possible, even when you don’t want to, in hopes that the numbers will be in your favor and you’ll eventually stumble across your ‘one in a million.’  I am hoping someone has the answers to this life secret, because I am definitely stumped and on the fence about this one.

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[1] Hey, Tahitz!

My Year Thus Far in Books

Hello fellow Lit Nerds!  I know I write book reviews for some of the books I’ve read in the past, but I figured I would give a quick summary of all the books (I can remember) I’ve read this year, especially since some of them didn’t make it to a full review.

It’s Just a F***ing Date[1]- I won’t sugarcoat it, this is a ‘self-help-esque’ book about dating. It’s a fun read full of good points and helpful advice, but it definitely loses steam midway through.  While at parts the book seems preachy and almost sexist against the male population, as a whole the first half of the book was fun and easy to read.  The second half of the book, however, completely missed the mark.

Lone Survivor- If you’re into military books or just history in general, this is a great read.  This is the story of Marcus Luttrell, Operation Red Wing and Seal Team 10.  What I liked about this book is that it is a piece of history that my generation actually lived through, so I was familiarized with some of the events.  You are forewarned though, it is a little lengthy, as Luttrell goes very much into depth about his BUDS training.  But, if you are between this book and the movie, I would say to read the book first.  I know a lot of people did not agree with me on this, but I think the movie did not do the book justice, as some event depictions are just more heart wrenching and detailed in the book.

The Fault in Our Stars- There is a blog[2] about this, so I will be short, but of course this book is now a cult classic and YA phenomenon.  John Green manages to rip our hearts out and fill us with hope as we follow the story of two young lovers battling their way through cancer and falling in love along the way.

Looking for Alaska- I made the mistake of reading this right after The Fault in Our Stars.  I say that was a mistake because it took away from Looking For Alaska as its own book.  There were similarities between the two books, but that can really just be attributed to Green’s writing style.  Alaska is a darker book than The Fault, filled with shenanigans and a little more dark/adult humor.  This is the story of a young outcast who transfers schools in his senior year in search of ‘The Great Perhaps’ and makes an interesting group of friends along the way.  The book follows Pudge and his new found friends as they play pranks and create havoc on their school, all which leads up to this big event.  Alaska is not as dreamy and loving as The Fault, but it is a great read in its own right.

Girls in White Dresses- If you have seen my previous blog post[3], you know that I am in love with this book.  This book follows four friends as they navigate through life post-college in a sea of weddings, bridal showers, and love lost.  I read it at a time in my life where I could absolutely relate, as all of my friends are getting married and all my weekends are filled with wedding festivities, but it is a great read.  I recommend this to everyone I talk to books about.  This book, while talking about weddings and marriage in a satirical manner, filled me with hope for the future and kept me entertained until the end.

If I Stay- Oh the things that I can say about this book.  I recommended it to one person who found it too depressing and put it down before reaching the end of the first chapter.  I loved this book; I read it in a week.  It was sad, because of the subject matter, but I never felt that it depressing.  Depressing insinuates that there was no sign of hope.  If I Stay is about the protagonist, Mia, who is driving in a car with her family when they get into a fatal car accident which takes the lives of her family and leaves her hanging on by a thread with a choice to make; stay or leave. Gayle Forman writes this sad youth novel in such a way that you find yourself rooting for Mia and wanting to know what she decides more than feeling sorry for all that she lost.  I am not the strongest person when it comes to reading, my mood for the day very much changes depending on the subject matter I am reading (I do not read, I crawl inside books and live there) but this book never made me sad enough where I had to put it down.  That’s not to say I didn’t have some tears through some parts, but I would read this book again.

Slaughterhouse Five- One of Vonnegut’s classics, and for a reason! This book was a dense read, but I never once felt overwhelmed by it.  It is a little hard to describe this book, as it starts as a WWII novel and turns into a story following Billy Pilgrim and his life in the war and being a time traveler who was kidnapped by aliens.  I had no previous knowledge of the subject matter, nor a particular interest in Dresden, but this was an interesting read.  There were a ton of good quotes that I loved, and each chapter made me more and more intrigued to see where this story was going.  It isn’t an easy read, in the sense that if you’re looking for something mindless you are better off with another book, but it is not a difficult book to get through or understand.  This is just a read that does require your attention.

Where’d You Go Bernadette- I could talk for days about this book!  Where’d You Go is the latest subject of my blog article[4], and my newest favorite book.  This is an absolutely amazing summer read, as it is a fun read, both captivating and carefree.  This is the story of Bee Branch whose eccentric mother, Bernadette goes missing after a series of whirlwind events. Where’d You Go has bombshells and gems hidden behind every corner, that will keep the reader guessing until the end.

I am currently (and frantically) ravaging through reading lists to see which book will be a good next read to bring with me on vacation and follow up Where’d You Go.  I am still in mourning of exiting that great world, but I am sure the next book I read will distract me from my mundane activities and transport me to another world [as any good book should do!]  So if you have any recommendations or books you would like a blog written on, feel free to write it in the comments, I am always open for book discussion!

Xoxo,

Nerd Girl

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[1] http://lctranette.blogspot.com/2014/05/book-review-its-just-fing-date.html

[2]  http://lctranette.blogspot.com/2014/02/okay-okay-obligatory-fault-in-our-stars.html

[3] http://lctranette.blogspot.com/2014/05/because-i-am-nerdbook-review-girls-in.html

[4]  http://lctranette.blogspot.com/2014/08/book-review-whered-you-go-bernadette.html

BOOK REVIEW: Where’d You Go Bernadette

For months my mother has been recommending a book to me; every time I would tell her what I was currently reading, a mix between sad YA[1] books (If I Stay, Gale Forman) or random classics (Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut) my mother would roll her eyes and tell me to read a ‘happy book’, to which she would recommend Where’d You Go Bernadette.  Despite me shouting it from the rooftops and recommending it to everyone with ears whenever I fall in love with a book, I know I am a very picky reader and usually do not take recommendations easily.  If I do not like a book, it will be painful for me to read and within the first chapter I will put it down, so I learned to be selective with what I pick up.  Only a few people have recommended books that I really enjoyed, so needless to say I was a bit skeptical when my mom kept pushing this book [we read different genres].  Alas, after finishing my sad YA book, I went to my local[2] bookstore and purchased Where’d You Go Bernadette amongst others.

I won’t lie, despite the beautiful color and inviting artwork the book cover had to offer, I read another book first.  However, once I picked up Where’d You Go, I could not put it down!  That book captivated me from the first sentence.  Sure, there were some parts of the book that were better than others, but by the middle of the book I found myself frantically reading just to find out exactly what happened to Bernadette Fox.  This book is a fun, lighthearted, quick read, but do not be confused, it will fill you with emotions.  Upon opening the book I felt like I was plucked from New York City and immediately transplanted and immersed into Seattle.  I grew a bond with each of the characters that filled me with emotions which wavered between love, hate, more love, confusion, and just genuinely not knowing what to make of their true motives. 

Where’d You Go Bernadette constantly kept me guessing and playing with my heartstrings.  There were twists, turns and surprises around every corner, I could never see what was coming next and therefore was left in perpetual suspense. Unlike several books I have read in the past where you get halfway through the read and can accurately pinpoint how it ends, Where’d You Go keeps you guessing until the final page.  Even after the perfectly surprising ending I found myself looking for more pages at the end of the book just so I could continue reading, because that is how engulfed in this book I was.

Whenever I fall in love with a book I find myself tearing through the pages wanting to know what happens next, but being utterly heartbroken once I finish the book.  I am not heartbroken because I think the book ended poorly (it absolutely did not!) but because I feel like I just lost a bunch of new friends.  I lost my little Seattle world and now am left mourning and unable to pick a secondary read, a problem in which I have not had in a while since I just went on a reading binge.  But this book was definitely special.  After reading this book in several days, Where’d You Go Bernadette made it to my top two favorite books of all time[3].  If you are looking for a fun, carefree book that will also captivate you and make you forget your surroundings until you finish it, then I strongly suggest you pick up Where’d you go Bernadette . . . you won’t regret it!

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[1] YA: Young Adult

[2] Shop Local, support small business!! The BookMark Shoppe. http://www.bookmarkshoppe.com/

[3] My first favorite being Mystic River by Dennis Lehane