Social Sciences- Just keep Swimming.

Onward I go on my forever journey to find a suitable mate.  Just kidding, that sounds creepy, but that directly ties in to this blog, yet another installment on dating.

I just want to start by saying, I know I am no Queen of Sheba or anything, but I am a good catch.  I am dedicated, loyal, passionate, driven, smart, funny, I know my strengths; however, on the flip side, I know I have my flaws, which I can point out in a heartbeat [but I won’t. We’re not that intimate yet.]  There is absolutely nothing wrong with flaws, we all have them, that’s what makes us human, and they are beautiful.  But, what is wrong is not owning your flaws.  You can be stubborn or impatient or have a bad temper, those are flaws, but if you acknowledge it and either own up to it or try to maybe not do it as much, then it’s all gravy.  I know I am constantly noticing new flaws about myself and trying to change those behaviors, make them work for me and better myself.

That being said, being thrown back in to the world of dating has seriously shown me the kinds of people out there and let me tell you, IT IS SCARY!  Unfortunately, with the creation of internet dating, it is making it harder for people serious about relationships to meet.  It is just assumed at this point that almost everyone on internet dating sites are just trolling the interwebz[1] to do just that, be a thirsty[2] troll.  Serious relationships aren’t for everyone, that is fine, I don’t ever go in to something without getting to know the person first, but you cannot get involved with anyone unless you know yourself!  So, if this sounds like you, it is a flaw and you need to work on it before you try to work on someone else.  There is something that cannot be said enough, don’t be creepy!!  If you would not do something in real life, do not do it on the internet.  That also includes taking the previously said statement and turning it in to something inappropriate.  The internet is filled with creepy pickup lines and pictures of bodies or inappropriate areas; like listen, if you’re not going around pantless in public (naked cowboy aside) then don’t do it on the internet, that won’t help you find that ‘good girl’ you’re supposedly looking for!  Also, there should be an unwritten rule, if you are on a dating website and you see someone you know in real life leave them alone!  We are all on the site, it is embarrassing all around; unless you are looking for some romantic involvement, do not add them to your favorites or message them or say something in person.  Yes, it is awkward you found them, but you are on there too!

If internet trolling is not your thing, thankfully, there are real life dates! Real life dating is still equally as difficult in deciphering intention and also has a lot of technology play.  For instance, I am not a phone person, the only people I talk to on the phone are my immediate family and that is it, anyone else can text me.  The problem with texting is a lot (like sarcasm) gets lost in translation and things you meant to sound flirty and funny come off sounding arrogant and disinterested.  Like life, this is a delicate balance!  Don’t sweat it, if you make a mistake, try to explain yourself and keep going; if the person can’t get over it, well then ‘keep it movin’[3] plenty more fish in the sea.  But, try to read social queues, even via text.  If someone isn’t answering your texts, don’t send a bunch asking what they’re doing or if they’re busy, especially if your ‘relationship’ is new and not really a relationship at all.  Chances are your love interest is either away from their phone and will get back, busy and will get back, or just does not want to talk at that particular moment.  Any of those options come to the same result, let it be, they will text you when they are ready, and then you can play the waiting game to get back at them.

Another thing that has always confused me is the whole ‘dating’, ‘talking’, ‘seeing each other’, ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ titles.  My thing with titles is, if you have not discussed it, then you are not exclusive, end of story.  Do not ever assume that you are exclusively with someone just because you talk to him or her all of the time and you are intimate.  If you do not want your love interest seeing anyone but you romantically, then you need to sit them down and talk to them about it.  There is nothing to be afraid of, because one of two things will happen, either they will say 1) ‘yes, lets be exclusive.  I don’t want to see you with anyone else’ or they will say 2) ‘I am not ready yet and this really isn’t what I want. It’s over.’  While you may be afraid it will go in the latter direction and you are not quite ready to let go just yet, this conversation still needs to be had.  It gives a lot of clarity and really stops you from wasting any time and looking silly when you are giving your all to someone who is running around with several someones.

If the conversation goes in your favor and you do end up in a committed relationship, do not suddenly be clingy.  Scratch that, even if you aren’t in a committed relationship that advice is especially pertinent, I repeat: Do Not Be Clingy.  Know your place on the hierarchy.  If your interest is out with his/her friends partying and not really doing anything other than just dancing or sitting at a bar, don’t show up alone, unannounced and looking crazy.  Play it cool.  Sure, if you want to introduce your girls to his guy friends and all hang out together, that’s cool, being a team player and an excellent wingman is always appreciated, but make sure it is planned.  There is nothing worse than when you’re just trying to have a low-key night with friends and then the person you [thought] you really liked [notice how it’s past tense] comes in acting crazy territorial.  Nobody likes a stage 5 clinger.  This goes back to reading social queues; sometimes it is cute to show up unexpected, but if you’re showing up like hell on wheels being all touchy feely and not leaving that person’s side, well then you have overstayed your welcome.

Every situation is different; sometimes what could come off as creepy to strangers is something your interest would love for you to do.  It all depends on your relationship, so make sure to read the signs and play it cool.  Good luck out there daters, heads up and temperatures down. 

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[1] Colloquialism for Internet.  All the kids are saying it these days.

[2] Thirst: To only have intentions of promiscuity

[3] Thank you Tahitz for such amazingly life changing advice ;)

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

I have always been an old soul.  While I am young in both age and appearance, everything about me screams geriatric.  When I was a child I would always love ‘strange’ things; I liked to wear my grandmother’s jewelry, loved to listen to music of older generations like the Rat Pack or anything that is attributed to the Woodstock era.  I’ve always loved braids, flowers in my hair, floor length dresses, ‘vintage’ furniture [currently in my house is a 40 year old white and gold couch]; but my affinity for these things happened long before the ‘everything that’s old is new again’ craze.

From this brief description of myself, it is clear that I am 1) living in the wrong era but more importantly 2) march to the beat of my own drum.  Now I would identify with being a hippie, but I am more conservative in my political views, I love to shave and shower daily, I wear deodorant, I am not a fan of ‘free love’ (icky!), I do not do drugs and I work a 9-5.  In this sense, some people can say I am a ‘sell out’, but to me I am a different kind of ‘hippie’; I am a free spirit. 

Not too long ago someone called me a free spirit as an insult.  Originally I defended myself and then I thought well maybe I am too old to be so carefree and passionate about the ‘little things’ [finding art in every day, stopping to take pictures of flowers or clouds, getting lost in thought of nature, living life based on passion.] That was the time period where I doubted myself and tried to change, to conform, which goes against everything I really believe in.  Once I acknowledged that was happening, I promised never to lose myself again.  I reflected, got back to my roots and realized that there is only one me; full of love for life, zest, wonder for the world, hungry for knowledge and experience and just zeal.  I am the kind of person who does not wait for anyone.  I can go my own way and meet you there, I can show up alone and still be the life of the party, I am me, and no one can ever and will never make me forget that again. Alas, I digress.

What this person took as a negative quality, a free spirit, is something I hold as an ideal.  I see the world differently than most [cynically jaded] people, not through rose-colored glasses, but through glasses of retrospect, analysis and curiosity.  I take experiences, quotes, or anything I take in and analyze it, figure out what it means to me from the past and present.  Every experience, relationship, new fact that comes in to my life, I breathe in.  I feel every contact/situation was put in to your life for some small reason and that reason is discovered by recognizing and analyzing.  While this may seem a little ‘flower child’ way of thinking, a little out of ‘left field’ and not the norm, that sums me up in a nutshell.  This way of thinking is my very essence.  I am not outside dancing for rain to come or lighting incense to realign my aura; I’m not that kind of hippie, but I am the kind of free spirit that thinks far outside the box.  I am clear and concise, but I am a little quirky and this way of thinking keeps me sane.  It shows me that I am different and special and that my purpose on this earth is to be as helpful as I can and leave everyone I meet better than I found them.  That is all I want from life; to help.

When I was younger, I thought the only way you can make a difference in this world was to be a big shot Doctor; I was devastated when that did not pan out for me.  As I am older and more set in my ways, I am realizing that there are so many ways to help.  You do not need to be a doctor or be some probono activist; you just need to find your strengths and use it.  I am a nurturer by trade, that has been engrained in to my very essence, I love taking care of people, I love helping people, I love just being there for people.  You can always depend on me; if you need me, I am there.  I have recently learned that being dependable and nurturing, knowing what to do or say in times of discomfort or chaos is a skill, it is not an attribute everyone is equipped with.  That is my purpose in life.  I can help people through words, literature, life experiences; everything I hold dear in life.  If my words can help even one person, then I can die having fulfilled an accomplished life.

So the next time someone who’s lips are dripping with venom calls me a free spirit, I will just smile and say ‘thank you’ because they don’t know how big of a compliment that really is.

To Live a Creative Life, We Must Lose the Fear of Being Wrong.

Doing makeup has always been a personal hobby and guilty pleasure of mine.  Any excuse to get dolled up, and I would be dressed to the nine’s with stunning makeup (if I don’t say so myself.)  When I was in college, everyone would come to my room before a night out and I would do makeup for the masses.  My specialty is experimenting with different eyeshadows, mixing colors, bringing out an individual’s natural beauty and making their features pop.

Now that I am no longer in college, I figured I could make a side business out of my passionate hobby.  With my loyal friends as my customer base and ready to give out references, Revel Makeup Artistry[1] was born. 

We have a nice sized portfolio for examples and do makeup for any occasion.  Whether it be themed parties, weddings, birthdays, showers, prom, Revel Makeup is there to help enhance your beautiful features and give your look a little out of the ordinary addition.  With a convenient location, affordable rates and a flexible schedule, Revel Makeup Artistry is a good start up local business.  I set up a Facebook page to showcase all of my work and a separate email address (RevelMakeup@gmail.com) to set up appointments.

While writing has always been my passion and something I am extremely proud of, to see people want to schedule appointments for makeup or have strangers compliment people on my work is amazing to me.  Something a simple as a silly little hobby I’ve been doing for years turned out to be a something I am incredibly proud of.  I have people I don’t know come up to me and say how they saw someone’s makeup I’ve done and they would like to schedule me for a party.  That kind of local celebrity is a small nod to my ‘talent’ and it is something I really appreciate, especially since I am a huge self doubter and very critical of myself; to get recognition is extremely humbling.  I have always been afraid to let people read my work or see my art, I have always been afraid of criticism when it came to my creations, but I have learned to be more confident and proud of my accomplishments.  So far, it has been working out for me.  Revel Makeup Artistry has a nice fan base and have been given reviews and referrals from the best clientele any business could ask for.  I am a huge support of local and small businesses and know that word of mouth reviews go a long way.  For this reason Revel is dedicated to taking care of our loyal customers and new customers alike.  With specials, discounts and deals, you are in good hands with Revel Makeup Artistry.

So if you, or possibly your special lady, have plans coming up that you want to be more than ordinary, email Revel Makeup or find us on Facebook!

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[1] Please find us on Facebook, Revel Makeup Artistry, or email us RevelMakeup@gmail.com

Girls are Witches. . .with a B.

There has been something that is on my mind for a while now, and it has to do with female friend dynamics.  Now, I am not a huge ‘girl power’ feminist, [not that there is anything wrong with it, just not me], I have a few close girl friends but that’s really it.  I find girls are way too competitive [for attention] and catty, and anyone who knows me knows I am a very straight shooter.  I am blunt and honest, and really, if I do not like you, I will not sugarcoat it or pretend to be your friend to your face, because life is too short to waste your time on anything, fake friends especially.  So in return for my honesty and ‘realness’, I expect people do the same; I do not need everyone to like or love me, nor do I want them to, but if they do not like me, I do not expect them to call me up or be friendly to my face.

That being said, that was just the preface of the blog, to add a little background and ground rules for the article.

I have several groups of friends; my close friends that I confide in, my every day all the time friends (which is a gender mix), my ‘party friends’ (which is a gender mix) and then acquaintances that call us ‘friends’ but we’re really not that close.  Now obviously there are friends that are in several of these groups, I am not popular to have so many different people closely in my life, but it is the last group, the ‘acquaintance friend’ that are the troublingly perplex.

The complexity of these people are that I have known them for several years, maybe we even shared good times/pictures/drinks/laughs, but we are not particularly close.  Now just because we are not close, does that mean that they are not obligated to be loyal?

If you are confused, I will paint a picture for you.  Several of my friends and I have been through the same scenario, so apparently this circumstance runs wild in the ‘friendly acquaintance’ female world.

I live in a town that no matter where you go, you see everyone and everyone knows you.  It’s perpetually like being on an episode of Cheers; you cannot go anywhere and have anonymity.  However, I have dated several gentlemen (as I know my friends can also personally agree) that have been new to the group and have benefitted and made new friends by meeting me.  Now when things go sour, I do not ever expect anyone to choose sides or not talk to someone just because we didn’t work out; that isn’t nice and I am not like that.  Nevertheless, I think that if I dated someone, as my ‘friend’, you really shouldn’t be skulking around them trying to hangout with them on a romantic level.

I have an ‘acquaintance friend’ that has done this with every new beau I have brought around for the past 3 years.  However, just recently it started to really upset me.  How can she consider herself my ‘friend’ yet be all up on my ex-boyfriend to hangout or subtly attack his Facebook page?! That brought me to the following only logical explanations; either a) we were never friends (hence the creation of the ‘acquaintance friend’) or b) she does not understand the gravity of how inappropriate she is being.  My ex-boyfriend swears there is not and was never anything going on and what I take as ‘flirting’ is simply her being ‘friendly.’  -_- I call Bull.  I am the friendliest person around, I can understand an occasional blurred line, but I cannot understand this.  I am extremely loyal as a friend in general, and while I am not holding up the feminist ‘girl power’ fist, I am loyal to my friends no matter what gender. 

I cannot comprehend how anyone can think that being friendly with someone whom you were never friends with, is normal and not flirty.  I like my friends to be friends with my boyfriend, and I like them to continue to act nice even after, because if he never did anything to you, why should you be mean? But to text or message that person, invite them to your parties, hang out alone, ‘like’ all of their social media updates?? That is a bit much, and quite honestly, you look CRAY[1]!

The best part of all this ‘new found friendship’ is that the girl never admits to the betrayal.  If the interactions are so honest and ‘friendly’, why not say something? Like ‘hey, I see your ex deleted all of your mutual friends except me, but we hangout a lot and it’s platonic. Is that okay?’ or ‘hey, I know you guys were never official, which is why I still talk to him, but are you okay with that?’ I do not even care if you curse me out to the high heavens and say it is none of my business; just own it! Whatever decision you make, shady, respectable, loyal, disloyal . . .just own it, admit to it, accept it.  Because sincerely, if you do not have strengths in your convictions, you have nothing. 

So to all of the girls who can relate to this as the betrayed half, you are not alone and I feel you. I hope you have some real girlfriends you can rely on to get through and over it.

To all of the girls who are all of a sudden thinking if this is about them. . . .Chances are it isn’t, but if you have to think about it, then you probably are being shady and not a good friend to someone.  Rectify that or don’t, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with who’s looking back at you, then that is all you need to worry about. . . but then you cannot be mad at the people who don’t like looking at you. 

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[1] Colloquialism for the word Crazy.  As made popular by Jay-Z and Kanye West