Real Life Dementors

For all of you Harry Potter fans out there, you totally get the title of this blog, but for all of you do not, feel free to check it out here.  For a quick summary, in the fictional story of Harry Potter, Dementors are these evil creatures that suck all of the good, happy, positive energy and feelings out of you.  This creature feeds on your positive vibes and leaves you drained with nothing but negativity and despair.  Sure, this might sound like a fictional creature, but if you think about it I am sure you can find some humans in your life that relate.

More specifically, I will relate it to . . . . you guessed it, DATING!  Everyone’s favorite topic, I know.  You may have a dementor in your life and not even know it.  Maybe it is a nagging ex that never seems to disappear, maybe it is the guy (or gal) you went on a few dates with that doesn’t seem to take the hint, perhaps it’s a one night stand that just keeps circling back into your life; whoever the cause, the end result is the same, no matter what you call it.  These people are lingerers.  They are the people that loiter around your life popping up every now and then, but always at the inopportune moments.   These lingerers never seem to play a big part in your present life, but they try to make their presence known with a 2am ‘hey you’ text [we all know what you’re getting at with that one, slick] or even the ex that only seems to pop up with the “I miss you’s” when social media has you living a seemingly happy life.  No matter what their specific role in your life is, these people need to give it a rest.  I’m sorry, but if we went on one date years ago and have had minimal/platonic contact since then, there is no reason to reach out with a “we are long overdue for a date night.”  No we are not, you can leave. 

I have one acquaintance I went on a few dates with back in the day that still, presently, to this day, will text me to make plans and then never follow through.  He has done this so much so in the past 3 years that I don’t even take him seriously.  I think I would have a heart attack out of shock if he actually set a concrete date into motion.  Instead it’s a vague “we should get together for dinner this weekend” with no follow-through.   I am perfectly fine with never going on a date with this person, what I am not perfectly fine with is him constantly reaching out with plans as if they are not completely delusional.  Who is winning by appeasing this charade? It’s like the ‘friend’ that says “we should go for coffee” and it never comes to fruition.  I’m fine without it, no need for the act.  As Don Draper would say “I don’t think about you at all.” 

My main problem with these lingerers, and readers please feel free to reach out if this is just a ‘Me’ thing (which I think it may be,) but it really just is annoying.  Even if these lingering dementors aren’t big enough players in your life to suck all the happy energy out of you for the day, it’s certainly an inconvenience.  I do not like having my life be a revolving door for people; door goes one way, so you have to choose, in or out.  I think the power with these lingerers lies with the fact that they do not want to be locked down, but they want you as an option.  For the specific happy-crushing ex, they probably just don’t want to see you happy with anyone else, but that is another story all of its own.  So short of waving a stick with wizard powers shooting out of it, how do you kill a dementor?  You cut off their source.  Stop chasing people, stop giving in and placating their insincere attempts at being in your life.  My new thing is either not responding at all, or calling people out on their absurdity.  Sure, it may not be the most polite approach, but neither is standing in the doorway of someone’s life.

So, readers, in spite of sounding very cliché, never treat someone like a priority when you are just their option.  Shed light on these lingerers and kick them right out of your life before they suck all your joy away.

Xoxo