For all of you Harry Potter fans out there, you totally get
the title of this blog, but for all of you do not, feel free to check it out here. For a quick summary, in the fictional story of
Harry Potter, Dementors are these evil creatures that suck all of the good,
happy, positive energy and feelings out of you.
This creature feeds on your positive vibes and leaves you drained with
nothing but negativity and despair.
Sure, this might sound like a fictional creature, but if you think about
it I am sure you can find some humans in your life that relate.
More specifically, I will relate it to . . . . you guessed
it, DATING! Everyone’s favorite topic, I know. You may have a dementor in your life and not
even know it. Maybe it is a nagging ex
that never seems to disappear, maybe it is the guy (or gal) you went on a few
dates with that doesn’t seem to take the hint, perhaps it’s a one night stand
that just keeps circling back into your life; whoever the cause, the end result
is the same, no matter what you call it.
These people are lingerers. They are the people that loiter around your
life popping up every now and then, but always at the inopportune moments. These lingerers never seem to play a big
part in your present life, but they try to make their presence known with a 2am
‘hey you’ text [we all know what you’re getting at with that one, slick] or
even the ex that only seems to pop up with the “I miss you’s” when social media
has you living a seemingly happy life. No
matter what their specific role in your life is, these people need to give
it a rest. I’m sorry, but if we went
on one date years ago and have had
minimal/platonic contact since then, there is no reason to reach out with a “we
are long overdue for a date night.” No
we are not, you can leave.
I have one acquaintance I went on a few dates with back in
the day that still, presently, to this day, will text me to make plans and then
never follow through. He has done this
so much so in the past 3 years that I don’t even take him seriously. I think I would have a heart attack out of
shock if he actually set a concrete date into motion. Instead it’s a vague “we should get together
for dinner this weekend” with no follow-through. I am perfectly
fine with never going on a date with this person, what I am not perfectly fine
with is him constantly reaching out with plans as if they are not completely delusional. Who is winning by appeasing this charade? It’s
like the ‘friend’ that says “we
should go for coffee” and it never comes to fruition. I’m fine without it, no need for the
act. As Don Draper would say “I don’t
think about you at all.”
My main problem with these lingerers, and readers please
feel free to reach out if this is just a ‘Me’ thing (which I think it may be,)
but it really just is annoying. Even if
these lingering dementors aren’t big enough players in your life to suck all
the happy energy out of you for the day, it’s certainly an inconvenience. I do not like having my life be a revolving
door for people; door goes one way, so you have to choose, in or out. I think the power
with these lingerers lies with the fact that they do not want to be locked
down, but they want you as an option.
For the specific happy-crushing ex, they probably just don’t want to see
you happy with anyone else, but that is another story all of its own. So short of waving a stick with wizard powers
shooting out of it, how do you kill a dementor?
You cut off their source. Stop
chasing people, stop giving in and placating their insincere attempts at being
in your life. My new thing is either not
responding at all, or calling people out on their absurdity. Sure, it may not be the most polite approach,
but neither is standing in the doorway of someone’s life.
So, readers, in spite of sounding very cliché, never treat someone like a priority when you
are just their option. Shed light on
these lingerers and kick them right out of your life before they suck all your
joy away.
Xoxo
