With the impending heart holiday a few days away, it seems
that most single people are running for the bars or sadly reflecting with their bloody
battered hearts in hand. Here’s my
advice to you, STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Get it together, girls and boys, it is JUST another
day. Single/taken/married/question mark
status, it does not matter, it is just another day. If you are with someone, you should not need
an overpriced commercial holiday to make you be romantic and try new
things/restaurants/events. You should
try to make your significant other feel special daily, or at least not just on
a designated ‘holiday.’ For those of you
that are single, you are single the other 364 days a year too, what is the
difference? If people making out in
bars/trains/public spaces doesn’t bother you on a normal day, why let it bother
you on Valentine’s day? Let us not make
monsters out of a day that was created to sell extra candy. While this may sound like the rant of some
scorned woman, I can assure you it is not.
I have been in several long term relationships in my life and I have
only gone out and did the whole ‘commercial valentine’s day’ experience ONCE in
my life. It was never something that
really interested me. Why do you need to
blow all this money on roses (which remind me of funerals more than love) and
dinner (which is raising the price and lowering the quality) on a day when you
can get me my favorite sunflowers and a nice dinner any other day during the
year? But, I digress.
Valentine’s day also holds a stigma for single people; that
they are somewhat unfit and need to rehash what went wrong in past relationships. This time last year and
this present 'love season' I have been faced with several single girlfriends who are in the ‘where
did I go wrong/will this get easier’ phase of their singledom. For those of you that are newly single (welcome!), or
those that are still trying to navigate your way through the rubble of a
breakup, let me be the first to tell you: it
does get easier.
I guarantee it; all of this heartbreak will get easier. You will get over your [in]significant other,
this pain will make sense to you, and you will move on and meet the person that
you are meant to, in due time. I think
of all the times I had given my heart away, only to get it returned bruised
and beaten, and how badly it hurt me; but looking back on it, and seeing how
many of my girlfriends ask me for advice now (and you too, blogfam) it was
obviously setting me up for something bigger.
All of my heartbreak was just a learning experience, and while that
sounds completely cliché, it is entirely true.
My past tragedies have only made my future that much easier, for me and those I
love.
The problem with moving on is that everyone makes it
seem like its the easiest thing in the world.
When you go through a breakup, all of your friends say ‘move on’ ‘move
on,’ like it is as simple as that. What
no one tells you is it is not
that simple. I am not here to sugarcoat things for anyone;
I have the distinct ‘talent’ of dishing out unrelenting honesty. I rather be
given and hurt by the truth so I can plan accordingly than to be told a lie and
blindsided later. So let me tell you the
truth, my dearly dedicated readers, moving on is really really tough; moving on
takes a lot of hard work and conscious decision making on your part. It is like putting yourself on a diet; you
cannot avoid all of the donuts and chocolate (or couples/commercial love holidays paraphernalia/your ex),
you see them everywhere, you want them, but you know they aren’t good for you. So you just have to cut them
out. Sure, you have your days of
backsliding or you will stare at them lustfully, but eventually you just have
to make the conscious decision to choose something else, something better,
every day. Eventually it will be second
nature to just choose the ‘better for you’ option, but until then (it takes 60
days to form a habit) you will just have to deliberately make other choices. You have to be tough on yourself and make yourself
a promise; you deserve better and you will not settle for anything less.
Going back to a past love rarely works out, after all, you
did breakup for a reason. If you find yourself sad and missing your ex
and wanting to text them, go on Tinder/OkCupid or whatever dating app people
use now and message someone else. Every
time you want to stalk his or her social media, friend a cute friend-of-a-friend
instead. Sure, this may stop you from
stalking because who wants to look creepy and friend cute mutual friends they
don’t know[1],
but you never know, maybe you DO friend someone and you guys chat and things
work out! Could happen, that is what we call a win-win.
Unfortunately though, the rumors are not true, all is not fair in love and war. It hurts and stings and is tough, but you
have to make the effort to change. All great change is preceded by chaos, a
quote that certainly rings true in love.
Things do not change unless you make changes, so if you have to move on
(whether you like it or not), put in that work and move on. Sure, it sucks and it’s difficult, but you know
you deserve better. So please, go out
this Valentine’s Day and start your own Black
Hearts Club and cause some havoc! Go makeout with a stranger or two, go eat
some ice cream and watch bad movies, have lots of wine and deliciously bad-for-you
food. This is your time, live it up! Do
not mope and wallow, because you know the ex-object-of-your-affection is not
sitting at home ruining their life over losing you. That being the case, why on earth would you
want to give anyone else that power? You
are a great, important, special, unique little snowflake, and your ex is a jerk
for not knowing it when they had you! So, shine on, little diamond, make them
regret losing you and go on your way to find someone way better.
The best thing about being single is that the opportunities are endless,
so go take advantage of the vast possibilities, no matter what day!
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