Why You Should Walk Away From Wrecklationships

Relationships, when they are new, are always exciting.  You get to learn all about this new person, have them learn all about you; you get an automatic date to everything, you’re always entertained because you can just talk to your +1, new relationships are exciting.  As a general rule, in adulthood or even in your adolescence, being in a relationship should enhance you.  The object of your affection should be someone who adds to your life, makes you better, makes you happier; they are just the icing on the cake to your already amazing life.  What a relationship should never be, is something that makes you feel worse, turns you into someone else entirely, or tears you away from the things you love.  That, my friends, is called a Wrecklationship.

I am not passing any judgment at all; we all go through these kinds of relationships at least once in our lives.  Sure, when you’re in a new relationship, you usually fall off the face of the planet for a bit, safe and secure in your ‘love bubble,’ completely infatuated with your new boy/girlfriend.  Yet, in any healthy relationship, that need to be around each other 24/7 subsides, you come back down to planet earth and start being an active participant in your friendships. 

When you’re young and all relationships are brand new, you feel the need to hang on each other and do everything together; no one ever sees you alone, and there isn’t a moment in public where you’re not physically clinging to your insignificant other, making everyone else uncomfortable.  In your adulthood, that novelty wanes, and your better judgment steps in. I get that romance is great, and that new relationship feeling is amazing, but there is no reason why you need to make people around you uncomfortable with your PDA.  The only people that behave that way in their adulthood are people that are crazy insecure.  If you’re able to have a serious relationship, then you should be at a place in your life where you are secure enough in your relationship (and with yourself) to not need to be around your sig o[1] all the time, nor needing to physically ‘mark your territory’ by touching them constantly.  When I see this childish behavior being displayed by adult relationships, it actually makes me really uncomfortable and sad.  Not only do I get uncomfortable because they’re obviously not respecting each other’s boundaries or that of everyone else in the room, but I feel sad because they are obviously so insecure that they feel this unhealthy display of affection is positive.

Any relationship, no matter the age, that is all encompassing, prohibits you from doing what you like, impedes on your relationships with friends and family, or just generally dictates your behavior is unhealthy.  You’re a free person; you should be able to act like it.  A healthy relationship will never stifle the person you are, it will never ask you to not talk to your friends, it will never not let you have ‘alone’ time with your friends.  Those kinds of relationships are wrecklationships, and while there may be a reason you feel you need to stay with that person, in the long run, it will not be good for you. 

Think about it, would you want to spend your life with someone who doesn’t want you to have a life outside of them?  What would you have to talk about on a daily basis? Not to mention that it is just generally unhealthy to have zero interaction with anyone outside of your paramour.  I have been on both sides of the coin of losing friends due to relationships.  What I have learned with that is, 1) no one. No one should ever tell you who you can and cannot be friends with.  2) if you were really friends with the person you scorned, with enough repenting, they will come back to you.  But of course you have to do the heavy lifting with some serious groveling.

If you ever find yourself in a wrecklationship and you’re afraid to leave, DON’T BE.  Yes, they will make you feel guilty, and your graduation goggles[2] will come out in full force making you think they weren’t so bad . . . let me just stop you there; No one that cares about you, and I mean REALLY cares about you, ‘more than they care about themselves’ cares about you, would stop you from doing anything you love.  If you love singing, or dancing, or going out with your friends, heck, maybe you just love movie Sundays with your Momma, then whoever you date will love that too.  The things you love are part of you, and if someone who is claiming to love you is asking you to give all of that up for them, ‘in the name of love,’ then they don’t really love you for YOU.  They simply want you around to fill the void of insecurities in their own life. 

I am going to hit you with some hard but true advice my coworker and ‘snackshop mom’ Peggy[3] gave me back in the day: ‘you can feel more lonely with someone else than you ever could by yourself.’  It may feel like you need to be in a relationship or else you’ll be so lonely you’ll explode, but that is not true! You should wait for the right relationship, so you never need to feel alone or inadequate while being with someone.  So, dearest readers, if you ever feel that a relationship is not bringing out the best you, and not bringing the kind of positivity you need in your life, leave.  Just leave.  The decision is that simple.  And know, you will always have a supporter in this corner.  You deserve to be happy,  even if that means waiting for someone who catalyzes that  for you.

Hang in there, daters, the best is yet to come.J

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[1] ‘Sig o’: colloquialism for significant other.

[2] Graduation Goggles- Like when you’re in High School.  You hated it for 4 years, but come graduation time, you have rose colored glasses on and all the memories seem sweet and you miss them.

[3] Miss you, Peggy!! http://www.peggyfoundation.org/