Time is of the essence.

It’s that time of year again, yet another PSA on dating protocols! I know, I know, you’re very excited.  Well for the men I seem to find myself on dates with, and all the rest of you love lost daters, I am going to hit you with some truth.  It does not matter how rare or special or great you THINK you are, no one is going to wait around for you.

It is an unfortunate truth that we are in the era of internet dating, countless ‘selfies’ and attention mongers, so there are endless opportunities.  Sure, they may not be the most fruitful dating opportunities, but we, as a society, are constantly flooded with internet compliments (comments of praise, ‘likes’, pokes, etc) that we begin to feel we are more special than we are.  The truth is, while the grass is greener where you water it, people will always feel the grass is greener on the other side, and everyone is easily replaceable.  That being a truth, the whole ‘waiting game’ of dating is a thing of the past.

If someone gives you their number (regardless of the gender) it is because they want you to reach out and ask them out.  That is not to say you need to text them before they even walk out of your sight, but you do not need to wait several days before reaching out.  Furthermore, there is a statute of limitations on contact.  I met someone over the summer, gave them my number, chatted for a little but nothing ever came of it.  Flash-forward several months later and he reaches out.  Now, you know it was well passed the statute of limitations, because upon receiving the text I had no idea who ‘X name Y Bar’ was in my phone.  Even after texting back and forth for several messages I was getting a vague idea of who he was, I thought I knew, but I wasn’t 100% sure.  That means you waited way too long to reach out and are not only irrelevant, but look desperate as well.  Unfortunately this is relatively common, as I had someone text me this past summer that I met LAST summer.  I’m sorry, what were you doing for an entire year?! Luckily I was not interested at all, but I don’t even want to be bothered with your nonsense.

The flip side of this coin is that not only do you need to initiate contact quickly, but you do need to act swiftly as well.  If you do not ask someone on a date right away you get stuck in that conversation limbo.  Yes, it is plausible that people get busy with life and it takes you a while to find a mutually convenient time in your schedules to meet, but if you are not trying then you are in danger of going into the friend zone.  I have been in situations where I am talking to someone and it’s nice, but we can never seem to get a date together, or rather, the guy feels the need to chat all day long but never wants to make a move.  All of that is fine, I am happy to make the first move, but when you sidestep all of my attempts to reach out and say you’re busy, you cannot get mad (or ‘miffed’) when I am disinterested and no longer feel the need to hang out with you.  Despite what your mother tells you, or what your facebook likes and Instagram followers lead you to believe, you are not special.  You are not special enough for someone to wait around for you and miss all other opportunities. 

I’m not saying that you are utterly ordinary, maybe deep down when someone gets to know you, you are special; but there is no way for someone to know that right off the bat, so there is no reason for them to wait for you.  So here is my advice, blogfam, if you want something (or someone) take it! Right then and there, if you want something, go for it.  You never know who is going to come along and sweep your person off their feet, so there is no time like the present to make a move.  Even if they don’t meet someone else in the interim of your slow movement, the worst place in the world to be is on the receiving side of apathy.  That is a very hard one to come back from.  So, onward and upwards, take fate into your own hands and make a move! Don’t let fear of rejection (or the potential of finding something better) keep you from action, because that will just leave you closer to ending up old and alone…or at least bored on a Saturday night. J

How Much Fight Do You Have In You?

I am a perpetual pessimist.  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop or planning for things to go in the completely opposite direction as I want them to, because they always do.  Well . . . that is not entirely true.  Yes, I am always prepared for the worst.  Yes, I usually get thrown about a dozen curve balls to every one thing I want to accomplish.  However, all of the effort [the blood, sweat and tears] that goes into everything I do (and believe me, it is everything) just makes me that more confident.

You see, dear readers, anytime I set out on a new journey or devise a plan to accomplish a new goal in my life, a giant monkey wrench gets thrown into my life.  It does not matter what the goal is or how big the obstacle is, one always appears.  ALWAYS.  [You can ask my mom[1] for proof.]  So that being the case, before every great movement in my life, I am faced with a brief (and usually profound) sense of anxiety.  I easily get overwhelmed with the negative ‘what ifs’ and usually condemn myself to failure before I even begin. 

While that is pretty much the worst thing I can do to myself, I almost relish in the pre-failure.  It’s pretty masochistic, really, and I’m only realizing I do it now that I’m writing it out to myself (and after today’s unforeseen victory) but I love being the underdog.  There is something about coming back in the final hour and just kicking butt; once everyone has already counted you out, you rise up and win the series.  That is pretty much my life in a nutshell.  Yes, my life is like the (seldom ever) World Series Mets . . . except I win way more than I lose.

So what I’m really trying to say is; never count yourself out.  When you want something in life, doesn’t matter what obstacles are in your way, give all the fight you got left.  Give all of your fight, and then give more.  Keep fighting until you reach your goal.  I have been applying to grad school for three years now.  Correction, I have been applying for the pre-requisites for grad school for three years now.  After some acceptances/schedule conflicts, denials/meltdowns and then a final acceptance to a program that fits my schedule (ya see what I mean about obstacles?) I got into the pre-req program.  So what is next to continue my forever journey to a masters degree?  The GRE, and then back to the application process.  You see, I’m one of those people that hate wasting time, so I pile everything onto my plate, have a breakdown when it’s too much, but end up accomplishing everything I set out to.  So despite having many a meltdown about this GRE and feeling wildly mal prepared, I took it.  And do you know what? I did pretty okay.  Sure, I did not pass with flying colors, but for someone who hasn’t taken a test like that in 10 years and did the bare minimum of preparation, I did pretty darn good.

Basically what my whole point of this is, give everything you got.  Semper Ad Meliora.  Always towards better things.  That is what I remind myself every single day.  Sure, my life takes wildly unpredictable twists and turns, and I hit a bump on the road almost every day of my life, but I genuinely would not be a quarter of the person I am today if I didn’t have to fight to become her.  While I do end up mainly victorious, every victory is an uphill battle; and quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  All of my trials and tribulations make me realize how strong I am.  How tough I can be.  How resliant I am in the face of adversity, and really just how much I can take to achieve my goals.  Nothing will stop me from creating the life I see and the woman I want to become.  Although a lot of things have tried to hinder that process, I can happily say that I hit back way harder than I have been hit; life never gets me down for too long. 

So whenever you’re feeling down in the dumps or thinking that life just isn’t going your way, just remember that life is going your way.  It is knocking you down and setting you up for the greatest comeback in the books.  Classic underdog.  Classic phoenix story.  Take the hit, fall of that horse, brush yourself off, rise from the ashes and continue on your way.  It is not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep fighting[2].  Stay in the fight, dear readers, life is so much more beautiful when you have to work hard for it.

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[1] Hi Mom!! (although she doesn’t read this.)

[2] Sure, I just paraphrased Rocky.