Whoever originally said that is clearly delusional. All is fair in war, correct…but all is fair
in love? Nothing about love is ever
fair. There is always one side that is
in too deep, too scared, too vulnerable, and always one person who gets hurt
most.
I never wanted to get hurt.
I always thought, in terms of relationships, the winner is whoever cared
the least. Well, if you protect yourself
so much that you need to talk yourself OUT of feelings, then you’re just
cheating yourself of something beautiful.
If you’re looking for something serious in life [a partner, someone you
can walk through life with forever], having one foot out the door in order to ‘protect
yourself’ is really just going to inevitably hurt you. You see, the other person will sense that and
either push you for more commitment or pull away. Either way the end result is the same; you,
alone, in a dark room with your good friends Ben & Jerry (or whatever your
poison of choice is).
Whenever I got involved with someone, I wanted to know
everything about them. Whether that was diligently
looking at their social media pages (please, we’ve all been there!) or asking them every question I could think of
about them, no piece of information was too big or too small. I wanted to know everything. However, one thing I would never do is ask
other people. You see, friend or foe, no
one wants to see other people happier than they are. For example, my mother always used to tell me
“no one will ever tell you ‘wash your
face, you look better than me.’” That may be an old Italian saying, but it
still holds true. No one ever wants to
see you doing better than them (I believe A Bronx Tale covers this too). So when you are happy, of course
haters are going to come out of the woodwork to make sure that ends. Misery does love company. Even something as simple as you getting a
significant other, your single best friend may give you shtick about it . . . ‘Jokingly’
of course. But even in jest, there is
still a little bit of truth.
So, does that mean you should adhere to every jel hater[1]’s
whisper? No. If you believe something, or want
something/someone, you should let yourself be happy. If I listened to everything people said, my
life choices would have been made very differently. That is not to say you don’t have an inner
council you consult with, but if you’re listening to every Tom, Dick and Harry
about your life decisions . . . well then, I hope your seat belt is on because
you are in for one heck of an unhappy ride.
Chuck Palahniuk says ‘that’s
the best revenge of all; Happiness.
Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good f—king life.’
I truly believe that. If you are too happy, despite your life
tragedies, people think you’re fake and have something to say about you. In this social media day and age, everyone
thinks they know you just because they can see a couple of pictures and
posts. I’m sorry, but my social media
does not reflect who I am entirely, no matter how many pictures I put up. However, genuinely I am a very happy and
bubbly person. I wear my heart on my
sleeve, I have a very terrible poker face with the people I trust, and I am
almost always smiling on a daily basis.
Some people see this as me not being real or honest, because who on
earth could be that happy all the
time? Me! What is the point of not being
happy? Having a sour puss on my face is going to solve just as much as me
having a smile, and at least it’s easier to get through problems with a
cheerful disposition.
Most people, however, cannot stand that. It is ‘unnatural’ to be positive and have
hope in the face of adversity. General
consensus is to wallow, weep and complain until enough bad things happen
(negative attracts negative) that you are forced to change. That being the mentality, of course no one
will be happy you are happier than them!
So to that I say, be careful who you put stock in. Make sure you have a tight circle that mainly has your best interest at heart. No matter how long you know people, some
people just aren’t that close. I’ve
known people for 20 years that I am very close with, but I’ve known people for
6 years that I am closer with. I have
known some people for almost 10 years now and I know that when the chips are
down and I need advice or assistance, I might as well call someone else,
because they are only party friends.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Just be aware of your relationship with people before you start making life
decisions based on their unsolicited advice.
You see, my dear friends, NOTHING is fair in love and
war. There is always one person on
either side playing with a malice heart.
Sure, it is your duty to protect your own heart from the outside world, but
at what cost? A heart of stone serves
just as much purpose as a broken one.
[1]
Jel Hater: A jealous person of the hater variety. Someone who is so envious of what someone
else has that they will just talk smack (or ‘hate’ on it) about whatever the
item is.
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