In the 21st century it seems traditional dating
has become a thing of the past, as it has now been replaced with ‘hangouts’ in
an attempt to be detached. The ‘winner’
in the game of dating is whoever cares the least, right? Wrong! Or at least I
think it’s wrong, but apparently I always lose, because while I think caring
comes gradually, I do care enough about my dating life that I want to be
courted a bit. Thus brings me to my
perpetually problematic dating life.
When I say I want to be courted, I do not mean I expect
lavished gifts or someone to profess their love for me via skywriting (although
I would not be opposed to those things, fellas!) but I mean more in the little things. I am a very low maintenance person; you give
me a book, some sunflowers or something shiny and I am distracted and content
for hours. While some girls look for
gifts, I rather look for attention or little tokens that you’re thinking of the
other person. For example, I am a huge
texter; I’m not one to talk on the phone too often, but in the ‘getting to know
you’ stage of dating, I find texting to be extremely imperative. I know everyone is busy during work hours,
but it takes nothing to quickly rattle off a text just to let the object of
your affection know you’re thinking of them.
Trust me, ladies and gents, the smallest gestures are often the biggest
impacting.
So that being the case, when someone takes enough interest
to ask me on a date and schedule it days (or sometimes even weeks) in advance,
I expect to hear from them in the interim.
Alas, not everyone was raised the same way and have different ideas of ‘etiquette’
than I do. I am finding that the new ‘trend’
in the dating scene amongst mid-twenty to mid-thirty-somethings is to ask
someone on a date in advance, and then not check in until early evening the day
of. Are you JOKING?! Personally, this is
a huge turn off. Basically by waiting to text me til 4pm [or
after] the day of the date seems to me like you were expecting me to be pining
away, thinking about this date, and not make any other plans. Not to be mean or anything, but my ‘free time’
is way too limited to wait around for anyone, so if you do not follow up, I
assume the date is off. Because really,
it is just inconsiderate to think that someone is waiting around for you; why
are you so special?
I want to be excited about a date, anticipating seeing the
person in a new [romantic] light (if you already know them) or getting to know
someone new entirely. Dates are supposed
to be fun, scary, but fun nonetheless, filled with anticipation and hope. You’re supposed to want to get dressed up,
present your best self, and talk to someone, even if you know them, in a way
that you have not previously done so.
On the flip side, with all this ‘textual aloofness’ trending
in my generation today, I tend to get easily discouraged and instead of looking
forward to the date, I actually dread
it. If there is no excitement going into
the date, then there is no hope of a relationship because it is evident that
there is no spark. I mean, if you’re not
even going to take the time to text someone or, let’s say, get a little dressed
up for a date, then why would I think that you would be a suitable mate? Again,
I’m not looking for something grand, but if you show up for a date in a white
Hanes (under)shirt, khaki shorts and a hat that you casually mentioned you
picked up from your female friend’s house, I am going to assume you do not want
to pursue a romantic relationship since you clearly couldn’t even bother to
muster up the energy to throw on a polo and brush your hair.
It is much tougher for girls to get ready for a date; we don’t
know if we should dress casual or fancy, or if we dress ‘fancy casual’ in which
it looks like we look so effortlessly cute, but in reality it took a lot of effort. Then there is the ‘do I wear comfortable
shoes or heels?’ meanwhile all a boy needs to do to look fancy is throw on a
polo or a flannel. You’re telling me a
Hanes shirt that is meant to wear UNDER things is the best you could do, and I’m
supposed to want to go on a
second date? No thank you, I am out. I’m not looking for a Prince Charming, but a
little romance would be nice.
With that in mind, if you’re not looking forward to a date,
is there even a point going? There have
been plenty of times where I have dreaded a date in which my friends force me
to ‘suck it up and go’ and my gut always ends up being right. If there is no spark, no cat and mouse
flirting, no communication prior to the actual date event, then is there a
point attending the date at all? I’m genuinely
asking, because I’m not quite sure if I am giving the universe too much credit
here. My viewpoint on dating is if I do
not feel something for that person, and there’s not even enough of an
attraction to want to communicate a little before a date, then they probably
aren’t the person for me. I assume (here’s
where giving the universe too much credit comes in) that when I find someone
who I am supposed to give a chance, I
will know it and feel something,
anything other than apathy, really. However,
I have a friend[1]
who tells me I should give everyone a chance.
Actually what she really says is ‘if their face doesn’t make you vomit,
try them out and go on a date.’ So is
dating more of a numbers game than a cosmic pull? Do you just race through life and love going
on as many dates as possible, even when you don’t want to, in hopes that the
numbers will be in your favor and you’ll eventually stumble across your ‘one in
a million.’ I am hoping someone
has the answers to this life secret, because I am definitely stumped and on the
fence about this one.
As I read through this I had some questions from an interested old man who probably was never involved with the dating scene:
ReplyDelete- You meet someone, you set up a date a few days or weeks in advance. Why do either of you not really communicate beforethe date? I thought the date is just an extension of the whole process of getting to know someone, especially in teh world of phones and social media. Am I missing something?
- Have you been on a number of dates where the male has not made the effort too dress up or just one? As you know about me I am not a well dressed man. However, seems like common sense if you are meeting someone for something important whether romantic or professional you want to impress them.
- I guess this is an extension of the previous question, are all men you have been meeting on dates like this. I know you find more crazy people than most but seems like the people you meet are just idiots who don't understand basic common sense and ignoring any education in creating a good impression and why it is important. Find it difficult to believe that the whole male dating pool is like this.
Finally, came up with a (crappy) suggestion when you are not feeling motivated to go on a date with someone. Tell them in a polite and respectful way, that you are not feeling it and whether they are too. Maybe something about that you been on a string of bad dates and questioning why should you take the risk/effort to meet with them. The 3 responses I can think of you will get back:
a) They get insulted call you a bunch of mean names, you hang up and move on glad you never have to deal with them again
b) They agree with you, both of you cut your losses and you can plan a night of reading and crappy movies
c) They realise they are about lose their true love, turn up on a white horse and both of you ride of into the sunset which is even more amazing considering it was 4pm when you sent the message :)
MATT!! I am so sorry that I am JUST seeing this comment now (way to fail, blogspot!)
DeleteEXACTLY! that was my point. No one wants to communicate prior to the date. Why? If we met and we set up a date, why is it radio silence til that date? Are we going to spoil something? People are WEIRD nowadays.
You're not not a welldressed man. There is a difference between going to a bar on a Friday night and dressing casual, and showing up on a date in an undershirt. I have had guys dress up a little too casual for my taste, but an UNDERSHIRT?! that was a new low. I always meet the winners! lol
I am sure the whole male dating pool isn't like this (or at least i'm hoping). Unfortuantely for me I am going through A LOT of Frogs (sorry, fellas) to find a prince. And by Prince I mean someone who cares more about me than he does himself, knows how to put on a shirt and comb his hair, and doesn't ask me to marry him on the first date. These are things that should be easy, right?
Hahahhaha. 1) that actually sounds like GREAT advice that could work. Worth a shot. and 2) I love all your scenario options. Definitely have to test these out soon :)