I was recently watching an old episode of Parks & Recreations where
Ron told Leslie that her boyfriend was a ‘…tourist.
He vacations in people’s lives, takes pictures,
puts them in his scrapbook and moves on. All he’s interested in are stories.
Basically, Leslie, he’s selfish.” Upon watching that, I knew it made sense in regards to the episode, but
after much deliberation, I decided I did not know anyone like that in real
life.
Let me tell you, not to blow up anyone’s spot or
anything, but I am noticing now how wrong I really was. I'm sure we all can think of someone who is the tourist
in our lives; maybe that person is just the nosy part time friend who only
surfaces to prod into the worst moods of your life and make themselves feel better
about their own, or perhaps it’s just that ‘friend’ who only comes around when
they want to complain or have no one better to hang out with. If you think hard enough, there will always
be at least one person like that for everyone, even if they were only around
for a short period of time.
For me, really thinking about it, I have a few
people that came to mind for the above examples, however one person very clearly stands out above the rest. This person is the quintessential tourist; I
will go months without hearing a peep and then BOOM, a text, a facebook
message, a social media ‘like’, he always finds a way to make a comeback. Then it is a few days or weeks of interaction
until he disappears and I remember why
we never talk to begin with.
He is a tourist who only vacations in someone’s
life, not for the story, but for the entertainment. It is never in the good times I hear from
him, it’s not even to check up on me and ask how I’m doing. No, instead it is
just interaction so he is entertained until the next big thing comes
around. This person can never be alone or bored for long, he is constantly reaching out to someone from his past until someone new appears.
This is irritating for so many levels, but if you’re
my friend, you don’t just come in and out of my life at your convenience. I understand people get busy and don't speak as much as they would like, thus is
life. I have a best friend with whom it
is not an uncommon occurrence if we go weeks without speaking. You do not need to talk every day to be a
friend, and I understand that. However,
you can tell when you don’t speak to someone because the days escape you, or because
they brought nothing positive into your life and your relationship disintegrated.
I rather have quality friends over quantity friends, but not
everyone thinks that way. If they don’t,
that’s fine, but I do not need to keep opening the door for you whenever you
feel compelled to traipse into my life. Certainly more so if you make a mess every time
you’re back in it.
The actual problem with these tourists, however,
is not that they come in your life when they’re bored, turn it upside down, and
then leave unscathed, but how they
come back into your life. I was told
that I am too hard on people and everyone deserves a second chance. So, against my better judgment, I always try
to give people more chances. But, let’s
all just agree here, people don’t change!
I repeat, people do not change. The only way they change is because they
become better at lying and hiding their true colors, but eventually, it all
comes out.
These tourists will sing you sweet lullabies and
promise you the world if only you donate an ounce of your time. That sounds like
a pretty sweet deal for you, right, a renewed friendship with minimal effort on your part? Score! No.
Anything too good to be true, is. People may want to change, but essentially if
they are just a selfish person at their core, that will never go
away. That isn’t something they can just
change, it is in the foundation of who they are. Everyone has their selfish moments at times,
it happens to all of us, but to live your entire life only caring about and
looking out for yourself? Well, if that
works for you, that’s all well and good, but I know for a fact that does not
fly in my life. I have too many people I
care about and I am too giving of a person to be only looking out for myself
all the time. Maybe I should be more
selfish, but that is a reflection for another time.
For that reason, I know why this person only
vacations in my life. It must be
difficult to be around someone who is constantly thinking of other people and
making sure they are happy before worrying about themselves. That is not necessarily a great quality to
have either, as too many people take advantage of it, but that is the kind of flower
child I am . . . but I digress. I am all
for the rambling man, the rolling stone, the free spirit who cannot be tied
down to anyone, these are some of my favorite people. However, I just cannot condone people
who come into other people’s lives and use them as puppets for their own
enjoyment. Sure, maybe they do not
notice that's what they're doing, but wouldn't that be the bigger issue? To be so unaware of how you go through
people and the fact that you find relationships of any kind expendable?
Let’s all have a little self-awareness. You are responsible for the energy you bring
into a room and the energy you bring into someone’s life. Embrace it, be proud of it, and try to use it
for the better; it is a powerful tool.
You alone have the power to [even if only momentarily] brighten or
darken someone’s day, and as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility[1]. So please, be aware of what you put out into
the universe, and save the tourism for actual vacationing.
No comments:
Post a Comment