No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

I have always been an old soul.  While I am young in both age and appearance, everything about me screams geriatric.  When I was a child I would always love ‘strange’ things; I liked to wear my grandmother’s jewelry, loved to listen to music of older generations like the Rat Pack or anything that is attributed to the Woodstock era.  I’ve always loved braids, flowers in my hair, floor length dresses, ‘vintage’ furniture [currently in my house is a 40 year old white and gold couch]; but my affinity for these things happened long before the ‘everything that’s old is new again’ craze.

From this brief description of myself, it is clear that I am 1) living in the wrong era but more importantly 2) march to the beat of my own drum.  Now I would identify with being a hippie, but I am more conservative in my political views, I love to shave and shower daily, I wear deodorant, I am not a fan of ‘free love’ (icky!), I do not do drugs and I work a 9-5.  In this sense, some people can say I am a ‘sell out’, but to me I am a different kind of ‘hippie’; I am a free spirit. 

Not too long ago someone called me a free spirit as an insult.  Originally I defended myself and then I thought well maybe I am too old to be so carefree and passionate about the ‘little things’ [finding art in every day, stopping to take pictures of flowers or clouds, getting lost in thought of nature, living life based on passion.] That was the time period where I doubted myself and tried to change, to conform, which goes against everything I really believe in.  Once I acknowledged that was happening, I promised never to lose myself again.  I reflected, got back to my roots and realized that there is only one me; full of love for life, zest, wonder for the world, hungry for knowledge and experience and just zeal.  I am the kind of person who does not wait for anyone.  I can go my own way and meet you there, I can show up alone and still be the life of the party, I am me, and no one can ever and will never make me forget that again. Alas, I digress.

What this person took as a negative quality, a free spirit, is something I hold as an ideal.  I see the world differently than most [cynically jaded] people, not through rose-colored glasses, but through glasses of retrospect, analysis and curiosity.  I take experiences, quotes, or anything I take in and analyze it, figure out what it means to me from the past and present.  Every experience, relationship, new fact that comes in to my life, I breathe in.  I feel every contact/situation was put in to your life for some small reason and that reason is discovered by recognizing and analyzing.  While this may seem a little ‘flower child’ way of thinking, a little out of ‘left field’ and not the norm, that sums me up in a nutshell.  This way of thinking is my very essence.  I am not outside dancing for rain to come or lighting incense to realign my aura; I’m not that kind of hippie, but I am the kind of free spirit that thinks far outside the box.  I am clear and concise, but I am a little quirky and this way of thinking keeps me sane.  It shows me that I am different and special and that my purpose on this earth is to be as helpful as I can and leave everyone I meet better than I found them.  That is all I want from life; to help.

When I was younger, I thought the only way you can make a difference in this world was to be a big shot Doctor; I was devastated when that did not pan out for me.  As I am older and more set in my ways, I am realizing that there are so many ways to help.  You do not need to be a doctor or be some probono activist; you just need to find your strengths and use it.  I am a nurturer by trade, that has been engrained in to my very essence, I love taking care of people, I love helping people, I love just being there for people.  You can always depend on me; if you need me, I am there.  I have recently learned that being dependable and nurturing, knowing what to do or say in times of discomfort or chaos is a skill, it is not an attribute everyone is equipped with.  That is my purpose in life.  I can help people through words, literature, life experiences; everything I hold dear in life.  If my words can help even one person, then I can die having fulfilled an accomplished life.

So the next time someone who’s lips are dripping with venom calls me a free spirit, I will just smile and say ‘thank you’ because they don’t know how big of a compliment that really is.

To Live a Creative Life, We Must Lose the Fear of Being Wrong.

Doing makeup has always been a personal hobby and guilty pleasure of mine.  Any excuse to get dolled up, and I would be dressed to the nine’s with stunning makeup (if I don’t say so myself.)  When I was in college, everyone would come to my room before a night out and I would do makeup for the masses.  My specialty is experimenting with different eyeshadows, mixing colors, bringing out an individual’s natural beauty and making their features pop.

Now that I am no longer in college, I figured I could make a side business out of my passionate hobby.  With my loyal friends as my customer base and ready to give out references, Revel Makeup Artistry[1] was born. 

We have a nice sized portfolio for examples and do makeup for any occasion.  Whether it be themed parties, weddings, birthdays, showers, prom, Revel Makeup is there to help enhance your beautiful features and give your look a little out of the ordinary addition.  With a convenient location, affordable rates and a flexible schedule, Revel Makeup Artistry is a good start up local business.  I set up a Facebook page to showcase all of my work and a separate email address (RevelMakeup@gmail.com) to set up appointments.

While writing has always been my passion and something I am extremely proud of, to see people want to schedule appointments for makeup or have strangers compliment people on my work is amazing to me.  Something a simple as a silly little hobby I’ve been doing for years turned out to be a something I am incredibly proud of.  I have people I don’t know come up to me and say how they saw someone’s makeup I’ve done and they would like to schedule me for a party.  That kind of local celebrity is a small nod to my ‘talent’ and it is something I really appreciate, especially since I am a huge self doubter and very critical of myself; to get recognition is extremely humbling.  I have always been afraid to let people read my work or see my art, I have always been afraid of criticism when it came to my creations, but I have learned to be more confident and proud of my accomplishments.  So far, it has been working out for me.  Revel Makeup Artistry has a nice fan base and have been given reviews and referrals from the best clientele any business could ask for.  I am a huge support of local and small businesses and know that word of mouth reviews go a long way.  For this reason Revel is dedicated to taking care of our loyal customers and new customers alike.  With specials, discounts and deals, you are in good hands with Revel Makeup Artistry.

So if you, or possibly your special lady, have plans coming up that you want to be more than ordinary, email Revel Makeup or find us on Facebook!

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[1] Please find us on Facebook, Revel Makeup Artistry, or email us RevelMakeup@gmail.com

Girls are Witches. . .with a B.

There has been something that is on my mind for a while now, and it has to do with female friend dynamics.  Now, I am not a huge ‘girl power’ feminist, [not that there is anything wrong with it, just not me], I have a few close girl friends but that’s really it.  I find girls are way too competitive [for attention] and catty, and anyone who knows me knows I am a very straight shooter.  I am blunt and honest, and really, if I do not like you, I will not sugarcoat it or pretend to be your friend to your face, because life is too short to waste your time on anything, fake friends especially.  So in return for my honesty and ‘realness’, I expect people do the same; I do not need everyone to like or love me, nor do I want them to, but if they do not like me, I do not expect them to call me up or be friendly to my face.

That being said, that was just the preface of the blog, to add a little background and ground rules for the article.

I have several groups of friends; my close friends that I confide in, my every day all the time friends (which is a gender mix), my ‘party friends’ (which is a gender mix) and then acquaintances that call us ‘friends’ but we’re really not that close.  Now obviously there are friends that are in several of these groups, I am not popular to have so many different people closely in my life, but it is the last group, the ‘acquaintance friend’ that are the troublingly perplex.

The complexity of these people are that I have known them for several years, maybe we even shared good times/pictures/drinks/laughs, but we are not particularly close.  Now just because we are not close, does that mean that they are not obligated to be loyal?

If you are confused, I will paint a picture for you.  Several of my friends and I have been through the same scenario, so apparently this circumstance runs wild in the ‘friendly acquaintance’ female world.

I live in a town that no matter where you go, you see everyone and everyone knows you.  It’s perpetually like being on an episode of Cheers; you cannot go anywhere and have anonymity.  However, I have dated several gentlemen (as I know my friends can also personally agree) that have been new to the group and have benefitted and made new friends by meeting me.  Now when things go sour, I do not ever expect anyone to choose sides or not talk to someone just because we didn’t work out; that isn’t nice and I am not like that.  Nevertheless, I think that if I dated someone, as my ‘friend’, you really shouldn’t be skulking around them trying to hangout with them on a romantic level.

I have an ‘acquaintance friend’ that has done this with every new beau I have brought around for the past 3 years.  However, just recently it started to really upset me.  How can she consider herself my ‘friend’ yet be all up on my ex-boyfriend to hangout or subtly attack his Facebook page?! That brought me to the following only logical explanations; either a) we were never friends (hence the creation of the ‘acquaintance friend’) or b) she does not understand the gravity of how inappropriate she is being.  My ex-boyfriend swears there is not and was never anything going on and what I take as ‘flirting’ is simply her being ‘friendly.’  -_- I call Bull.  I am the friendliest person around, I can understand an occasional blurred line, but I cannot understand this.  I am extremely loyal as a friend in general, and while I am not holding up the feminist ‘girl power’ fist, I am loyal to my friends no matter what gender. 

I cannot comprehend how anyone can think that being friendly with someone whom you were never friends with, is normal and not flirty.  I like my friends to be friends with my boyfriend, and I like them to continue to act nice even after, because if he never did anything to you, why should you be mean? But to text or message that person, invite them to your parties, hang out alone, ‘like’ all of their social media updates?? That is a bit much, and quite honestly, you look CRAY[1]!

The best part of all this ‘new found friendship’ is that the girl never admits to the betrayal.  If the interactions are so honest and ‘friendly’, why not say something? Like ‘hey, I see your ex deleted all of your mutual friends except me, but we hangout a lot and it’s platonic. Is that okay?’ or ‘hey, I know you guys were never official, which is why I still talk to him, but are you okay with that?’ I do not even care if you curse me out to the high heavens and say it is none of my business; just own it! Whatever decision you make, shady, respectable, loyal, disloyal . . .just own it, admit to it, accept it.  Because sincerely, if you do not have strengths in your convictions, you have nothing. 

So to all of the girls who can relate to this as the betrayed half, you are not alone and I feel you. I hope you have some real girlfriends you can rely on to get through and over it.

To all of the girls who are all of a sudden thinking if this is about them. . . .Chances are it isn’t, but if you have to think about it, then you probably are being shady and not a good friend to someone.  Rectify that or don’t, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with who’s looking back at you, then that is all you need to worry about. . . but then you cannot be mad at the people who don’t like looking at you. 

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[1] Colloquialism for the word Crazy.  As made popular by Jay-Z and Kanye West

Home is Where you Make It

Today I took the same walk to work that I have been taking for the past 6 months.  Every day I pass a golden lab in a loading dock (with his owner of course) and today I noticed two things about him that I have never noticed before.  The first revelation was that there is not just one golden lab, there are two of them! As if that was not shocking new information enough, there was another; the aforementioned golden labs, albeit sweet and cuddly, are in fact bomb sniffing dogs ‘working’ at the loading dock.

While this probably should have made me a little uneasy, as my office is across the street, it made me extremely proud.  I am a New Yorker, through and through.  My city has had some travesties and taken some hits over the years, but we have character, charisma, spunk, and a drive that says ‘no matter how hard you hit us, we will get up, dust ourselves off and hit harder.’ I know as a nation we have completely changed our demeanor and outlook in a post-terrorism world, but it gives me pride to be part of a city that is so strong and [in a sense] badass. We do not let anything stop our city; because, as we all know, everything changes in a New York Minute.

When I say I have pride for my city, I do not mean I am just happy to live here.  What I mean is, I tell people I am American when they ask my nationality and I fight with people from other states about what football team is the best.  It doesn’t matter where I go in my life, I will always be a New Yorker. A lot of personal characteristics I posses, that I think are rather common sense, are 99% of my upbringing but also because of my surroundings.  New Yorkers are tough; we are resilient, quick on our feet, and always willing to fight for what is ours and what is right. I do not think I would be the same person I am today if I was raised in any other city this Great Nation has to offer.  Being 100% honest, I do not think my parent’s would be the same people either.  As New Yorkers we are not like other states, we are very fast paced and impatient in life, as a whole.  But being part of the 5 boroughs really puts us in a league of our own.  We are impatient and driven to the max; and that is something that I love about myself and my fellow compatriots.    I bleed red, white and blue, and I bleed this city.  Passing the Freedom Towers every day on my commute home, and the Brooklyn Bridge, makes me really happy, gives me a sense of belonging, and reminds me that if we can get through the monstrosity of 2001 [and B. Spears can get through 2009] I can handle anything life throws at me.  

We are America Strong, and I, am a proud New Yorker.

Make life daring

Several weeks ago I had a very ‘Good Friday’ (the pun is that it was on Good Friday) and decided to go skydiving.  This decision was something I always wanted to do but never thought would actually happen, as I am not the fondest of heights.  However, with some coercion from one of my friends and a nice deal from Google offers, I decided to take the plunge and find a plane to jump out of.

First, they make you sign the most horrifying waiver I have ever seen in my life; pretty much giving away any right you have to sue after your impending death.  Then this ‘video’ they make you watch is pretty much the same thing as the waiver, saying all the horrible things that may happen but also telling you that when they fit you for your harness you may be touched inappropriately.  But don’t worry, it’s all protocol.   While this may be a deterrent to you [I totally froze while signing the waiver] I felt I didn’t drive 2 hours to Pennsylvania for nothing so I continued on.  You meet your instructor, who will be buckled to you for your first jump, and of course in true fashion, I get the kooky one.

They get you suited up in the harness and take you up in this little dinky aluminum plane.  I was the third person to jump which scared me because I knew if I saw anyone else, I would freeze and not want to go.  So up we go in the plane and look down at all the little people driving their little cars out of their little houses.  The farther up we go, naturally, the more nervous I get; we go up and up and the houses look smaller and smaller until all I can see are clouds.  It is there, at 17,000 feet, that they open the rickety door of the plane and proceed to jump out.  First off goes the videographer, then a woman, then her boyfriend, and then it is my turn.  As we slide down the bench and stand at the edge of the plane I start to have a change of heart…instead of getting ready to push off the plane and jump, I start pushing backwards and telling my instructor I no longer want to go.  My instructor, being the kind, understanding person he was, tells me it is ‘okay’ and then proceeds to jump out of the plane anyway, with me attached. 

Horrified, I closed my eyes for a brief second as we freefell for 60 seconds.  Knowing I spent good money and this is a once in a lifetime experience, I pried open my eyes and really experienced the fall.  That had to be the longest 60 seconds of my life.  We fell through clouds, which tasted like chemicals by the way, and fell for what seemed like forever, overlooking all of Pennsylvania in it’s glory.  Once the parachute was pulled, and I stopped freaking out from the shock of the jerk, we got to hover in the sky for about 7 minutes.  It was so quiet up there and everything looked so tiny and irrelevant, it really got you thinking how small the world really is, and how insignificant our daily routines really are.  From up in the air I could see the earth was really round (seriously), and it just made me think that this was probably one of the most life affirming things I have ever done, and it was certainly the biggest thing I have done in a long time.

It’s funny, jumping out of a plane at 17k feet can really get you thinking.  Instead of thinking about how scary what I was doing was or how horribly wrong this could go, I was thinking about how I need to take more risks in life.  Life should be truly lived.  We get so stuck in our daily routine; wake up, shower, get dressed, go to work, work, come home, go to sleep.  Every day, like clockwork, at least that is how my life is.  So to do something so out of the ordinary and so out of character was really, peaceful.  I was proud; I stepped deep out of my comfort zone and got to do something amazing [albeit simple] that I can tell my children and grandchildren, and anyone willing to listen, for years to come.  You do not need to shatter the world to have a great story, but you should try to have a great story at least once in a while.  And that is the reason I had a very good Friday. 

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Whoever said the aforementioned quote clearly did not live in the Twenty First Century.  There is a lot to fear now a days, ignoring all diseases/cancers/accidents that have plagued man since the beginning of time, there are new dangers.  For the past 12 (okay, 11.5) years Americans have been living in a post terrorism era.  This is an era I have known from my teenage years until present, and which has shaped me more than I really was aware of.

I am one of those people that are very nostalgic and hypersensitive to the attacks on September 11^th.  I can tell you exactly where I was, where my family was, what I was wearing, what happened in the week that followed; I remember everything about that day.  While I remember carefree life before 9/11, I know that tragedy has influenced me more than I cared to believe.

While watching the news footage of the attacks at the Boston Marathon yesterday, I immediately started recalling the news 12 years ago.  I started shaking and wondering how on earth I could get home while avoiding mass transit (pretty impossible, by the way).  I received several text messages from close friends and exboyfriends who were concerned with my level of neurosis on the matter. That’s really when it dawned on me; despite being an adolescent at the time of the attack, not being in the city at the time, but having a perfect view of it from my bedroom window, and having the ash on my car, I have suffered and have some sort of [while self-diagnosed and probably minor] PTSD to such tragedy.  Even today, while I was getting ready for work, I was standing in my bathroom starring myself in the mirror wondering how ridiculous it would be to call out of work.

The NYPD is doing a great job of showing a strong police presence, and ensuring our streets are safer, even though there is no threat.  However, I still feel uneasy.  It is not that I do not trust them, because I know Ray Kelly has the finest and bravest out there on patrol today and every day, it is just that I fear what is uncertain.  You see, there is a lot to fear, and at the end of the day it is always the same thing.  We fear what we do not know will happen.  I know my city is safe, and no matter what we are strong, we will band together and carry through just as we always have, just as Boston is doing now.  Yet it is still the ‘what if’ that puts a chill down my spine, raises all my hairs, and scares me so much I second guess all my routine and daily choices (ie-going to work, taking the subway or bus, going out for lunch, etc). 

The thing with fear is, it’s natural.  It is okay to be afraid of the unknown, the uncertain, the endless possibilities good and bad that can infringe themselves upon you and uproot your life at any given moment.  Life in general is scary.  Fear does not make you weak, it makes you human, keeps you humble and grounded.  However it is letting fear stop you, paralyze you; change your life that is the real cowardice act.  There is a lot to fear in the world, but we  need to band together and trudge on; keep moving forward, pick up the wounded and battered hearts and fight back.  New York learned that lesson many years ago and unfortunately, now it is Boston’s turn.  The people of America are resilient, we know pain and we know we are greater than any coward terror that tries to get one over on us while we are seemingly preoccupied.  We are better than this.  Better days are ahead.

Crescent City- an ode to my new favorite band. Dirty Bourbon River Show

Over the weekend, I was lucky enough to see a New Orleans jazz/funk/ska/circus/rock band play twice.  The Dirty Bourbon River Show is one of the best bands I have seen in a very long time.  They are lively, full of energy and genuine love for what they do, they have a theme and stick to it [which speaks to my persona and I appreciate it]. As musicians [certainly not starving artists] they just have so much fun with the music and each gig and that really relates to the audience.

Noah, Dane, Jimmy, Matt and Charlie are each very talented and bring their talents together in a fun and whimsical way.  The band play numerous brass and unique instruments as well as the standard electric instruments.  Their circus theme and funky song titles and lyrics speak true to their home city, New Orleans Louisiana.  The brass, funk, circus inspired music is something unique to Dirty Bourbon River Show but can be traced back to New Orleans as a carefree party feel.  Each song is so different from the next both in vocals and instruments, there are opera hooks, light pyrotechnics, and impromptu instrumental drum solos that makes the audience keep guessing in wonder as to what will come next. 

This band makes me miss the city of New Orleans, as I have not been there in nearly 10 years.  However my weekend spent at 2 of their stops on their nation wide tour made me really appreciate their city, their music, and what it means to be a traveling musician.  These men have been on the road for several months with no end in site couch surfing just to pursue their love for music and share their talent with the world.  They are not looking for fame and fortune; they are just showcasing their homegrown talent with the rest of the country.  This is true love for the art.  They are away from their families and former lives all for the sake of music and doing what you love.  I can absolutely respect that, and they definitely evoked more emotions than I’m sure originally anticipated.  Their sets made me miss NoLa, book my formerly tentative trip, and make me really question why anyone should focus on money for a living.  We really should focus on what we love, and have money be a secondary issue.  These 5 friends travel the country with nothing more than what they can pack in their van and haul to the next city, and they have more memories, fun, stories and life experiences than many of us can ever have in a lifetime. 

If you have not already done so, go to dirtybourbonrivershow.com and check out their upcoming tour dates and check them out.  They are really something else.