I have always been an old
soul. While I am young in both age
and appearance, everything about me screams geriatric. When I was a child I would always love ‘strange’
things; I liked to wear my grandmother’s jewelry, loved to listen to music of
older generations like the Rat Pack or anything that is attributed to the Woodstock era. I’ve always loved braids, flowers in my hair,
floor length dresses, ‘vintage’ furniture [currently in my house is a 40 year
old white and gold couch]; but my affinity for these things happened long
before the ‘everything that’s old is new again’ craze.
From this brief description of myself, it is clear that I am
1) living in the wrong era but more importantly 2) march to the beat of my own
drum. Now I would identify with being a
hippie, but I am more conservative in my political views, I love to shave and
shower daily, I wear deodorant, I am not a fan of ‘free love’ (icky!), I do not
do drugs and I work a 9-5. In this sense,
some people can say I am a ‘sell out’, but to me I am a different kind of ‘hippie’;
I am a free spirit.
Not too long ago someone called me a free spirit as an
insult. Originally I defended myself and
then I thought well maybe I am too old to be so carefree and passionate about
the ‘little things’ [finding art in every day, stopping to take pictures of
flowers or clouds, getting lost in thought of nature, living life based on
passion.] That was the time period where I doubted myself and tried to change,
to conform, which goes against everything I really believe in. Once I acknowledged that was happening, I
promised never to lose myself again. I reflected,
got back to my roots and realized that there is only one me; full of love for
life, zest, wonder for the world, hungry for knowledge and experience and just zeal. I am the kind of person who does not wait for
anyone. I can go my own way and meet you
there, I can show up alone and still be the life of the party, I am me, and no
one can ever and will never make me forget that again. Alas, I digress.
What this person took as a negative quality, a free spirit, is something I hold as an
ideal. I see the world differently than
most [cynically jaded] people, not through rose-colored glasses, but through
glasses of retrospect, analysis and curiosity.
I take experiences, quotes, or anything I take in and analyze it, figure
out what it means to me from the past and present. Every experience, relationship, new fact that
comes in to my life, I breathe in. I
feel every contact/situation was put in to your life for some small reason and
that reason is discovered by recognizing and analyzing. While this may seem a little ‘flower child’ way
of thinking, a little out of ‘left field’ and not the norm, that sums me up in
a nutshell. This way of thinking is my
very essence. I am not outside dancing
for rain to come or lighting incense to realign my aura; I’m not that kind of
hippie, but I am the kind of free spirit that thinks far outside the
box. I am clear and concise, but I am a
little quirky and this way of thinking keeps me sane. It shows me that I am different and special
and that my purpose on this earth is to be as helpful as I can and leave
everyone I meet better than I found them.
That is all I want from life; to help.
When I was younger, I thought the only way you can make a
difference in this world was to be a big shot Doctor; I was devastated when
that did not pan out for me. As I am
older and more set in my ways, I am realizing that there are so many ways to
help. You do not need to be a doctor or
be some probono activist; you just need to find your strengths and use it. I am a nurturer by trade, that has been
engrained in to my very essence, I love taking care of people, I love helping
people, I love just being there for people.
You can always depend on me; if you need me, I am there. I have recently learned that being dependable
and nurturing, knowing what to do or say in times of discomfort or chaos is a
skill, it is not an attribute everyone is equipped with. That is my purpose in life. I can help people through words, literature,
life experiences; everything I hold dear in life. If my words can help even one person, then I
can die having fulfilled an accomplished life.
So the next time someone who’s lips are dripping with venom
calls me a free spirit, I will just
smile and say ‘thank you’ because they don’t know how big of a compliment that
really is.
So what changed, I think you have always been like this, well as long as I have known you. However, am I wrong in thinking that there was a dark time recently. Seems like you have learned lessons or reflected on events recently that has helped shaped make you more of a positive free spirit.
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