Tuesday, December 23, 2014

How Much Fight Do You Have In You?



I am a perpetual pessimist.  I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop or planning for things to go in the completely opposite direction as I want them to, because they always do.  Well . . . that is not entirely true.  Yes, I am always prepared for the worst.  Yes, I usually get thrown about a dozen curve balls to every one thing I want to accomplish.  However, all of the effort [the blood, sweat and tears] that goes into everything I do (and believe me, it is everything) just makes me that more confident.

You see, dear readers, anytime I set out on a new journey or devise a plan to accomplish a new goal in my life, a giant monkey wrench gets thrown into my life.  It does not matter what the goal is or how big the obstacle is, one always appears.  ALWAYS.  [You can ask my mom[1] for proof.]  So that being the case, before every great movement in my life, I am faced with a brief (and usually profound) sense of anxiety.  I easily get overwhelmed with the negative ‘what ifs’ and usually condemn myself to failure before I even begin. 

While that is pretty much the worst thing I can do to myself, I almost relish in the pre-failure.  It’s pretty masochistic, really, and I’m only realizing I do it now that I’m writing it out to myself (and after today’s unforeseen victory) but I love being the underdog.  There is something about coming back in the final hour and just kicking butt; once everyone has already counted you out, you rise up and win the series.  That is pretty much my life in a nutshell.  Yes, my life is like the (seldom ever) World Series Mets . . . except I win way more than I lose.

So what I’m really trying to say is; never count yourself out.  When you want something in life, doesn’t matter what obstacles are in your way, give all the fight you got left.  Give all of your fight, and then give more.  Keep fighting until you reach your goal.  I have been applying to grad school for three years now.  Correction, I have been applying for the pre-requisites for grad school for three years now.  After some acceptances/schedule conflicts, denials/meltdowns and then a final acceptance to a program that fits my schedule (ya see what I mean about obstacles?) I got into the pre-req program.  So what is next to continue my forever journey to a masters degree?  The GRE, and then back to the application process.  You see, I’m one of those people that hate wasting time, so I pile everything onto my plate, have a breakdown when it’s too much, but end up accomplishing everything I set out to.  So despite having many a meltdown about this GRE and feeling wildly mal prepared, I took it.  And do you know what? I did pretty okay.  Sure, I did not pass with flying colors, but for someone who hasn’t taken a test like that in 10 years and did the bare minimum of preparation, I did pretty darn good.

Basically what my whole point of this is, give everything you got.  Semper Ad Meliora.  Always towards better things.  That is what I remind myself every single day.  Sure, my life takes wildly unpredictable twists and turns, and I hit a bump on the road almost every day of my life, but I genuinely would not be a quarter of the person I am today if I didn’t have to fight to become her.  While I do end up mainly victorious, every victory is an uphill battle; and quite frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  All of my trials and tribulations make me realize how strong I am.  How tough I can be.  How resliant I am in the face of adversity, and really just how much I can take to achieve my goals.  Nothing will stop me from creating the life I see and the woman I want to become.  Although a lot of things have tried to hinder that process, I can happily say that I hit back way harder than I have been hit; life never gets me down for too long. 

So whenever you’re feeling down in the dumps or thinking that life just isn’t going your way, just remember that life is going your way.  It is knocking you down and setting you up for the greatest comeback in the books.  Classic underdog.  Classic phoenix story.  Take the hit, fall of that horse, brush yourself off, rise from the ashes and continue on your way.  It is not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep fighting[2].  Stay in the fight, dear readers, life is so much more beautiful when you have to work hard for it.


[1] Hi Mom!! (although she doesn’t read this.)
[2] Sure, I just paraphrased Rocky.

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