Onward I go on my forever journey to find a suitable
mate. Just kidding, that sounds creepy,
but that directly ties in to this blog, yet another installment on dating.
I just want to start by saying, I know I am no Queen of
Sheba or anything, but I am a good catch.
I am dedicated, loyal, passionate, driven, smart, funny, I know my
strengths; however, on the flip side, I know I have my flaws, which I can point
out in a heartbeat [but I won’t. We’re not that intimate yet.] There is absolutely
nothing wrong with flaws, we all have them, that’s what makes us human, and
they are beautiful. But, what is wrong
is not owning your flaws. You can be
stubborn or impatient or have a bad temper, those are flaws, but if you
acknowledge it and either own up to it or try to maybe not do it as much, then
it’s all gravy. I know I am constantly
noticing new flaws about myself and trying to change those behaviors, make them
work for me and better myself.
That being said, being thrown back in to the world of dating
has seriously shown me the kinds of people out there and let me tell you, IT IS SCARY! Unfortunately, with the creation of
internet dating, it is making it harder for people serious about relationships to
meet. It is just assumed at this point
that almost everyone on internet dating sites are just trolling the interwebz[1] to
do just that, be a thirsty[2]
troll. Serious relationships aren’t for
everyone, that is fine, I don’t ever go in to something without getting to know
the person first, but you cannot get involved with anyone unless you know
yourself! So, if this sounds like you,
it is a flaw and you need to work on it before you try to work on someone
else. There is something that cannot be
said enough, don’t be creepy!! If you would not do something in real life,
do not do it on the internet. That also
includes taking the previously said statement and turning it in to something inappropriate. The internet is filled with creepy pickup
lines and pictures of bodies or inappropriate areas; like listen, if you’re not
going around pantless in public (naked cowboy aside) then don’t do it on the
internet, that won’t help you find that ‘good girl’ you’re supposedly looking
for! Also, there should be an unwritten rule, if you are on a dating website and you see someone you know in real life leave them alone! We are all on the site, it is embarrassing all around; unless you are looking for some romantic involvement, do not add them to your favorites or message them or say something in person. Yes, it is awkward you found them, but you are on there too!
If internet trolling is not your thing, thankfully, there
are real life dates! Real life dating is still equally as difficult in deciphering
intention and also has a lot of technology play. For instance, I am not a phone person, the
only people I talk to on the phone are my immediate family and that is it,
anyone else can text me. The problem
with texting is a lot (like sarcasm) gets lost in translation and things you
meant to sound flirty and funny come off sounding arrogant and
disinterested. Like life, this is a
delicate balance! Don’t sweat it, if you
make a mistake, try to explain yourself and keep going; if the person can’t get
over it, well then ‘keep it movin’[3]
plenty more fish in the sea. But, try to
read social queues, even via text. If
someone isn’t answering your texts, don’t send a bunch asking what they’re
doing or if they’re busy, especially if your ‘relationship’ is new and not
really a relationship at all. Chances
are your love interest is either away from their phone and will get back, busy
and will get back, or just does not want to talk at that particular moment. Any of those options come to the same result,
let it be, they will text you when
they are ready, and then you can play the waiting game to get back at them.
Another thing that has always confused me is the whole ‘dating’,
‘talking’, ‘seeing each other’, ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ titles. My thing with titles is, if you have not
discussed it, then you are not exclusive, end
of story. Do not ever assume
that you are exclusively with someone just because you talk to him or her all of
the time and you are intimate. If you do
not want your love interest seeing anyone but you romantically, then you need
to sit them down and talk to them about it.
There is nothing to be afraid of, because one of two things will happen,
either they will say 1) ‘yes, lets be exclusive. I don’t want to see you with anyone else’ or
they will say 2) ‘I am not ready yet and this really isn’t what I want. It’s
over.’ While you may be afraid it will
go in the latter direction and you are not quite ready to let go just yet, this
conversation still needs to be had. It
gives a lot of clarity and really stops you from wasting any time and looking
silly when you are giving your all to someone who is running around with
several someones.
If the conversation goes in your favor and you do end up in
a committed relationship, do not suddenly be clingy. Scratch that, even if you aren’t in a
committed relationship that advice is especially pertinent, I repeat: Do Not Be
Clingy. Know your place on the hierarchy. If your interest is out with his/her friends
partying and not really doing anything other than just dancing or sitting at a
bar, don’t show up alone, unannounced and looking crazy. Play it cool.
Sure, if you want to introduce your girls to his guy friends and all
hang out together, that’s cool, being a team player and an excellent wingman is
always appreciated, but make sure it is planned. There is nothing worse than when you’re just
trying to have a low-key night with friends and then the person you [thought]
you really liked [notice how it’s past tense] comes in acting crazy
territorial. Nobody likes a stage 5
clinger. This goes back to reading
social queues; sometimes it is cute to show up unexpected, but if you’re
showing up like hell on wheels being all touchy feely and not leaving that
person’s side, well then you have overstayed your welcome.
Every situation is different; sometimes what could come off
as creepy to strangers is something your interest would love for you to
do. It all depends on your relationship,
so make sure to read the signs and play it cool. Good luck out there daters, heads up and temperatures
down.
Holy shit that is a blog post, two thumbs up.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can think of adding is try and push your comfort zone. First impressions are important and unfortunately that might be all you can do, leave a mark, stand out for fuck's sake. Just not in a creepy way :)
Thank you!! I like to think I stand out. But apparently being bubbly, charismatic and smiley leads to intimidating the right people and drawing in the creepos. Le sigh. Life in Love is a silly dance.
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