My mother seems to think I’m joking when I compare dating in
2016 to the Hunger Games, but I’m sure my fellow singles can back me up. The
dating scene is a giant competition while you’re also constantly avoiding crazies
trying to kill you (or at least kill your vibe.)
The issue that I find with the dating scene, is that it’s
really confusing. Dating in 2016 is
based in ambiguity and apathy. You’re
never supposed to know where you stand with someone, the winner is whoever
cares less, and if you do care about someone, you’re just supposed to play it
off like you don’t. If all of that isn’t
bad enough, no one goes on dates anymore.
Everyone just asks each other to “hang out” so you’re constantly
guessing if the person of your [secret] affection is interested in you
romantically or just wants to be friends.
My PIC[1]and
I started calling these kinds of ‘hang outs’ “Figs.” Partially because of
a meme we saw of two ants eating a piece of fruit and the female ant asks the
boy ant “is this a date?” and he says “no, it’s a fig.” The other meaning I
took out of it is also because you’re “FIGuring out” what it all means. So with all of this confusion, not to mention
“competing” with your own gender for other people’s affection, it’s no wonder I’m
equating dating life to a hostile game-like environment.
One of the things that really bothers me about dating
nowadays, is that there is no consistency.
Since everyone is trying to be the most apathetic and not catch real
feelings, there is all of these empty promises and plans, and ambiguous
intentions. Listen up, boys and girls,
follow-through isn’t only for your golf stroke.
Call me old fashioned, but if I want to see someone, I make a definitive
plan to do so.
I have been in this situation many times in the past month,
where a guy asks me on a “fig” for a
certain day, but then never follows up.
Why am I specifying that it’s a fig? Because Heaven forbid someone
actually asks you on a date anymore.
What happened to the good ol’ days where someone says “hey, I like you
and would like to take you out for dinner or drinks to get to know you better?” Well apparently that doesn’t happen in 2016. Instead, chivalry has been replaced with “we
should get drinks on Friday” and then you never hear from them until after
Friday with a “way to hang out.” Or an indefinite plan that get moved
throughout the course of the day, slowly but eventually ending in it's cancellation.
What is up with that? How hard is it to be clear with your
feelings and direct with your intentions? When did it become uncool to want to
settle down?
I’m not sure if it’s my town or just the very large dating
waters I’m wading in, but it appears men in their late twenties-mid thirties do
not want to settle down. Instead they
want to continue this charade of unclear dating. The real message I want to leave this blog
with, is that if you want to stand out in the dating scene, be clear. Make your intentions known. Ask a potential paramour on a date directly,
follow up with them that day by confirming, make a real plan, and be honest
with your feelings. The flip-side to that is you don’t want to lay everything out all at once,
maybe get to know the person before you start professing your undying love
(another dating mishap I run into a lot.)
But there obviously has to be a middle ground. I think more people should date out of
feeling instead of obligation. Not that
a first date should be the most serious thing in the world, but it should be
more exciting than just a plan you make to fill your calendar until something
better comes along.
There are so many trying and mediocre things in life, why
should finding a mate be one of them? Dating is supposed to be the fun
part. So get out there, daters, and find
your person. You may need to kiss a lot
of frogs before you find them, but make it known you will not settle for
anything less than a real date and some certainty.
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