Round Peg, Square Hole.

Sometimes someone comes into your life and you think ‘This could be it.  This person is amazing!’ You click on every level, your thoughts/beliefs/hobbies/ dislikes, everything is the same.  You two seem to be on the same page in every sense of the word.  However, you notice after some time your relationship begins to disintegrate.  Now, this relationship does not need to be purely romantic, it can be friendship as well.  Something you once thought was so perfect and serendipitous is now crumbling around you with no real reason as to why.  Well, dear reader, let me let you in on a little secret; Life, in all of its glory, comes down to one driving force . . . Timing.

Timing is a cruel mistress.  You see, the universe can put you in front of everything you have ever wanted but if the timing is off, you best kiss that new prize of yours goodbye.  I am a firm believer of what’s meant for you will not pass you, but it is hard to believe in better things to come without succumbing to sounding naïve.  Letting go of things/people/relationships are difficult because you know what you are giving up but you do not yet know what you are getting, and the devil you know is better than the devil you do not know. 

Over the past year I have had several people I thought were key players step in and out of my life.  Hindsight and experience tell me that they were not.  Experience has also told me to go with my gut reaction and initial feeling when reading people.  While I am not saying to shut everyone new out of your life, but if your first take on someone is to not like them or not want them close, stick with that.  The more you force relationships, even if you think it’s giving them ‘the benefit of the doubt,’ the more you are going to drag out and prolong the inevitable.  Good things, of any kind but certainly good relationships, do not need to be forced.  They are good on their own, pure and effortless.  Sure, all relationships take work in one way or another, and nothing worth having ever comes easy; but if you’re finding that you’re forcing things or just going through the motions, then it’s time to reevaluate this new thing you found. 

Any time I have ever forced a relationship it has later came back to bite me.  Timing has a way of working out, one way or another.  While you think you may be losing this great amazing thing, in reality you are just being propelled into the life you are meant to have.  Don’t lose hope.  Don’t spend so much time wading through shallow, familiar waters.  People come into your life for all types of reasons, that does not mean they are meant to stay forever.  I am grateful for everyone I have met in my life, because they have helped get me to the amazing life I love now.   

But timing, timing never fails.  If you find someone suddenly out of your life, there is a reason.  Sure, maybe they will make a comeback down the line.  Maybe they are just a little lost at the moment and they will come to their senses and return better to your life, but they need to fight like hell to get there.  Trust the system, whatever is meant to happen will in fact happen.  At least that’s one of the pretty little lies I tell myself to get through the day. 

“When is it going to be your turn?” The tale of: ‘all of my friends are getting married.’

It has finally happened; I have come to the age where all of my friends are getting married.  This year I am going to 4 weddings, 2 of which I am in the bridal party, 5 bachelorette parties, and 6 bridal showers.  While I do love the honor of being in the bridal party and I do enjoy all of the festivities and weddings as a whole, I do not like the influx of questions. 

I have gone to weddings before, I have been in bridal parties before, both while I was in a relationship and while I was single.  However, this was in my youth.  What I am discovering now, in my mid-twenties, is that it does not matter if I am in a relationship or not, I will get inundated with questions.  Last Friday kicked off my first wedding for the season, in which I was a bridesmaid.  Despite going to the wedding alone, happily, and being single for months [again, happily], the question of the night was “when is it going to be your turn?”  Thus starting the theme, ‘let me find someone for you.’

Let me just stop everyone there.  Going to a wedding alone does not mean you are lonely, unhappy or on your way to being a crazy cat lady, the same way going to a wedding with a date/significant other does not mean you are happy and on a path to marriage.  While I do not mind other people ‘keeping an eye open’ for potential matches for me, I do not need people blindly setting me up.  I am not a fan of people just setting me up because well “he’s single and you’re single!” Oh, the commonalities! 

That apparently is the age in which I currently find myself. Everyone is wondering when I will get married and pitying my singledom.  Thank you for the pity, but I have a great job, a beautiful apartment I own, amazing family and pretty amazing friends; no need to pity.  And while I do not think I am close to becoming the crazy cat lady I may or may be destined to be, everyone’s haste and alarm to get me married off is starting to alarm me. 

I find the idea that people need to get married by a certain age not only ridiculous but also disconcerting.  Settling down is not the same as settling.  I repeat, settling down does not mean you have to settle. The fact that people hit a certain age and start getting asked the same questions I have found myself in a sea of, can be a little saddening.  But it is not a reason to throw yourself into the next relationship opportunity that presents itself just because you are scared.  Sure, maybe you will get married, maybe you won’t, but shouldn’t it be for the right reasons so you only have to do it once?  

You should get married for love, because you found your counterpart that makes you feel whole.  Someone who awakens every part of your being, makes you a better person and not only understands but loves all your quirks and annoying habits.  This person should bring out the best in you and you in them.  You should not just get married because you are lonely and are afraid to die alone.  Let me let you in on a little secret, everyone dies alone.  What you want is someone to go through life with, and life is a pretty long time! You should wait to find the right person instead of just rushing down the alter with the first shmoe that comes around promising you nicer tomorrows.

That’s how I feel, anyway.  So, to all the people that ask when it’s going to be ‘my turn,’ I will let you know once I meet someone who is worth spending forever with.  

SPOILER ALERT: [The Walking Dead] S4 Ep14- The Grove

I am not a fan of people who post spoilers, I actually loathe them, being as I live off my DVR.  But, Sunday’s episode of The Walking Dead was really something to write home about!  So if you have not already watched season 4, episode 14, named The Grove, you should go on the interwebz[1] and do that; it is streaming directly on AMC.  This blog is going to contain spoilers.  Basically, I am going to dissect the whole episode.  Really, it was too good not to! So, again, if you have not seen it, only continue reading at your own risk.  This blog is a little longer than usual, but I feel this episode had so much going on, it is hard not to acknowledge and give a preverbal head nod to every detail.

Now that the disclaimer has been put out there several times, let’s get to it.  Sunday’s episode left me completely stunned; mouth agape, can’t believe my eyes, stunned!  Ever since the prison was destroyed, the season has been off to a slow start.  I understand that each story needed to be told separately, as the group is no longer together, and not every story is exciting but does offer necessary details, however the season was inarguably slower paced than the others.  Yet with 3 episodes left in this season, TWD[2] is setting up for some giant cliffhangers and surprises.  What I am liking most about this season, is how all the stories are starting to coincide now and how they each play out simultaneously. 

The episode of The Grove is structured much differently than the others.  While it does see its fair share of zombies, it is less about the cheap thrill of ‘will they or won’t they get eaten by a zombie today’ and more about jaw dropping shock value.  We always knew there was something wrong with Lizzie, but this episode really brings it into perspective.  In the prison Lizzie and the other children were naming the walkers[3], and Lizzie defended her actions saying they weren’t dead, they were just different.  Well, Lizzie, people can be different, but those things just want to bite you to death and use you as their ‘life source.’ 

In The Grove, Lizzie tells Carol how she saved Tyreese’s life in the prison by shooting two people who were going to kill him first; she did specify, however, that her intention was not to shoot them in the head.  To me, that statement alone spoke more than what the words strung together depicted.  She did not want to shoot them in the head because she did not want to ‘kill’ them.  Lizzie believes that walkers are the same as people.   Carol ignores her statement and just commends Lizzie for being so strong and a fighter.  She also tells Lizzie’s sister, Mika, that she needs to be stronger and kill whoever she has to [walker or human] in order to survive.  Mother of the year, that Carol, but she has a very small point.  In the apocalypse, previous societal and moral norms are thrown out the window; like Darwin says, it is not the strongest that survive, but those most willing to adapt.  I am not saying that in the face of apocalyptic chaos you should go on a killing spree, there are still good people out there, but you do need to protect yourself at all costs. 

However, Carol trying to corrupt Mika’s values really annoyed me.  She should have spent more time trying to guide Lizzie, who was off playing with zombies and trying to smother poor baby Judith.  While I think Carol means well, her execution is FAR off.  She is trying to toughen Mika up because she ‘doesn’t have a mean bone in her body’ much like Carol’s deceased daughter, Sophia. . . . Hello, foreshadowing!!  Carol’s view is even if you can outrun a walker, you should know how to defend yourself, because much like Sophia, running is not always enough.  While I can understand and agree with that, Carol is really pushing the line blatantly bullying this little girl and trying to brainwash her into thinking killing people is okay.  Mika was not even comfortable shooting a deer!! Let the girl be soft, she can shoot walkers, something Lizzie cannot, that is good enough to expect from a child.

At the beginning of the episode they show you a ‘flash forward’ scene of a kitchen and outside the window, a girl playing tag with a walker.  It is obvious the only person cray[4] enough to think a walker is ‘playing’ with them is Lizzie, but that isn’t confirmed until later in the episode.  When Carol discovers what Lizzie is doing she runs outside and dispatches the walker, in which case Lizzie has a meltdown.  She goes into a rant how that walker was her ‘friend’ and how would Carol feel if Lizzie killed her?  Well, I don’t know about you, but that statement alone reeks of psychopath.  Still, Carol feels safe enough to leave Lizzie with Micah and Judith and go about her recon with Tyreese.  While they are gone, Lizzie wanders off to feed mice to a walker stuck on the train tracks and Mika follows her.  Not only is this reckless because Lizzie is feeding a walker, but who is watching Judith?!!! She is a defenseless baby! Does NO ONE in the zombie apocalypse have proper parenting skills[5]?! Reckless.

Back to my point . . . Lizzie and Mika are in the woods, exposed, playing with this walker when all hell breaks loose.  Mika is trying to ration with Lizzie telling her that walkers are not ‘different people’ they are just dead.  At this point Lizzie is dangling her hand dangerously close to the walkers mouth in hopes that he will make her ‘different’ and she can show everyone what she means, when several, burned to a crisp[6], walkers come out of the woods to attack.  As the girls go screaming back towards their house they [finally] catch the attention of Carol and Tyreese who now decide they will be of use. 

From the epic amounts of foreshadowing in the episode, and the episode teaser trailer, it was obvious Mika was not going to make it.  So, it was not surprising that as the walkers were advancing  the 2 running girls, Mika trips and her kicking leg is being yanked on by a walker.  Luckily the power duo of Tyreese and Carol (yes, this is complete sarcasm) intervene and [finally] save the day.  It is after this near death experience that Lizzie proclaims she ‘knows what she has to do.’  If you think she means in regards to the walkers, you are in for some more foreshadowing!! She gives Mika this little speech on how she only has to be mean ‘sometimes’…sometimes? SOMETIMES? What is that about?  Oh, don’t worry, you find out momentarily.

Once again, while Tyreese and Carol are out doing absolutely nothing, they leave Mika and Judith alone in the capable hands of Lizzie.  I am sure they regret that decision immediately when they get back to the house and notice Lizzie’s hands are covered in blood as Mika’s lifeless body is lying on the floor behind her.  But “don’t worry”, as Lizzie said, she didn’t hurt Mika’s brain.  Well as if this is not heart wrenching enough, Lizzie keeps shouting to ‘give her time’ and let Mika ‘come back’.  She also lets us know that she was just about to do the same to Judith.  Being as now at this point it is obvious to everyone that Lizzie is clinically insane [not just a sociopath and a zombie sympathizer, but clearly delusional] Carol and Tyreese make a silent pact that Lizzie cannot be around other people and therefore they need to ‘take care’ of her.  Carol, the self-made mercenary, takes a walk with Lizzie and in the middle of Lizzie apologizing and begging Carol not to be mad at her, she tells her to ‘look at the flowers’, which is part of Lizzie’s calming routine.  It is at that moment, mid sniffling apology, that Carol raises her revolver, and a shot is heard as the camera pans to Tyreese.  By the time the camera pans back to look at the field where Carol and Lizzie were standing, Lizzie is no longer standing. This is where all the conflicting views come about in the episode . . . did the writers go too far? 

Personally, if I was in Carol’s shoes, I would have never made sure Mika did not turn.  She should have tied Mika up like she told Lizzie she would do, and then let Mika have Lizzie turn.  I agree that Lizzie needed to be taken out, she was a liability to the group and a loose cannon, but I do think Carol’s way was a little . . . cowardly.  She shouldn’t have let Lizzie be crying and begging, going out thinking she was in trouble, she should have been like ‘you’re insane, try to give your zombie sister a hug and see what happens.’  While I disagree with Carol’s execution[7], I think the writer’s got the perfect response.  They kept us hanging on a line and obsessed with the show, as they always do.  The suspense of the kills, like held in every episode, was trumped by the sheer shock value of Lizzie’s manic downfall and Mika’s death.  For this reason I think The Grove may be the best episode in TWD history.  How do you feel about it?  Did the writers take it too far? Do you think Lizzie should have lived to die another day? Would love to get more opinions on this.

---

[1] Cute colloquialism for Internet.  This was noted in a previous blog. Get with it, people!

[2] Acronym for The Walking Dead

[3] Show term for Zombies

[4] Colloquialism for crazy.

[5] Carol HAD a daughter..HAD.  Lori died giving birth to Judith, but she certainly wasn’t the best mother for Carl.  Mika and Lizzie’s dad left them in the incapable hands of Carol, and what happened to their mother?

[6] Thanks to Beth and Darryl’s moonshine and bad memory induced house fire. (I love that the stories overlap)

[7] Literally and figuratively. (pun intended)

Every Action has a Reaction: If/Then Review

Life is full of choices; mundane choices you make every day, once in a lifetime choices, choices you do not think are important at the time, but every choice you make has an impact on your life.  Sure, whether or not you get an iced or hot coffee in the morning probably will not change your life, but perhaps stopping at a certain coffee cart may introduce you to the love of your life, and that is a choice.

I am a firm believer that all choices, no matter how small, have the potential to have a life changing effect on your life.  For that reason, I try to go with my gut at all times.  However, the thing that upsets me is that you never really know what would happen if you chose the other path.  Is there an alternate universe where you made a left instead of a right and your life is completely different?

Well, that may seem a little too crazy for most people’s thoughts, but the writers of Idina Menzel’s new play If/Then seem to have taken my train of thought. In an attempt to try new things, my writer friend Terri Ann[1] and I went to see this new play.  Terri was the first person who introduced me to the show, and after we purchased our tickets I started seeing a lot of commercials for it on New York 1.  First off, you would never be able to tell this show was just in its preview stage, the theater was jam packed with chatty theater goers eager for the show to commence.  Sitting in our seats waiting, I took a look around at the packed theater, and the stage.  The set was different; a modest urban setting with several movable pieces, but it was perfect for the play.

For those of you unfamiliar with If/Then and why I opened this piece with choices, I will give you some background.  The show revolves around Idina Menzel’s main character, Elizabeth, who just moved to the city to start a new life for herself.  The opening scene Elizabeth meets two friends in a park, new friend Kate, and old friend Lucas.  Both of these friends have completely different personalities, Kate being the carefree kindergarten teacher, and Lucas being the self-righteous activist.  Meeting these friends right off the bat gives Elizabeth two choices, does she go with Kate and become Liz, a lighthearted soul who follows love over her career, or does she go with Lucas and become practical Beth, a go-getter who puts her career and ambitions first?

What I liked most about this play is that it jumped right into the meat of the story within the first five minutes.  Idina’s character was given two choices, which may not seem like huge life-altering choices, but as the play continues it is revealed how much that first choice changed her life.  The play unravels in two tandem storylines, showing how her life would play out with either decision she made.  Because the story lines are going on at the same time, and she often switches from ‘Liz’ to ‘Beth’ in a moment’s notice, you may think it would be a little hard to follow, but I did not find that to be the case.  I did, however, find that it was hard to focus as there were so many fluid parts of the story going on, but it was easy to differentiate between the two lives she was living.

This play hit very close to both me and Terri Ann, as I am sure many others in the audience.  It was very realistic, relatable, and it is the second play ever to move me to tears [literally!]  If/Then was not only extremely interesting, but the storyline had so many unexpected twists and turns, it kept my full attention for the play’s entirety.  If you are going through a quarter life crisis, looking for a good date night play, or just something different to do, I strongly suggest going to see If/Then.  Fantastic storyline, great soundtrack, and perfect execution, If/Then is the play to go see this spring.  Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

---

[1] http://thegirlwiththeunoriginaltattoo.com/

Love, Loyalty, Friendship

Loyal: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

Obviously, loyalty would be the act of being loyal, which is defined above.  Most people are reading that and rolling their eyes and saying ‘well thank you, Captain Obvious’, but nowadays, loyalty is very much lacking in our society.  You see, once again we can blame the social media obsessed generation our society has found themselves plummeted into, but more than that, people are just selfish beings that have no interest caring about someone else more than themselves.

The Irish have a claddagh ring in which they depict 3 important values; love, loyalty and friendship.  Those 3 values are held high in most societies, even if not publicly worn as ornaments. What the claddagh ring is a great example of, though, is how in any relationship you have [friendship, courtship, partnership, etc] you make a silent contract with that person.  Essentially when engaging in a relationship, as defined, you are pledging your allegiance to this individual. While loyalty is not always so cut and dry, sometimes you need to play the game of chess, it is rather strict on certain social stigmas.

For example, when you are dating someone, you should never let anyone talk about your person.  Sure, maybe there are things you and your friends joke about, things you would say to your significant other’s face, but you should never let someone sit there and badmouth them.  Not only is that disloyal, but it’s disrespectful and blatantly shows disregard for that person’s feelings.  If you are letting someone who does not know your significant other, or is not a fan of theirs, sit there and bash them, well then you really do not care about their feelings.  My view on talking about other people is, if you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all; but if you are going to say something, make sure it is something you have already said to their face.  No one likes a cricket that only makes noise in the shadows and immediately stops chirping when that person comes into the light.  Grow up.

Yet, it is not just courtships that demand loyalty, friendships are very much the same.  I do understand that when there are multiple personalities in play, people get into arguments and maybe not all of your friends like each other, that is understandable! Not everyone is meant to like each other, but you can still be loyal to everyone (see above paragraph about not talking about your person/s.)  There is a huge issue running rampant in the ‘girl world,’ and that is cattiness.  Cattiness is for those basic girls who are all sweet to your face, hugs/kisses/’aww I missed you, girl, we should hang more!’ and then talk about you before you can even turn your back.  Maybe you are thinking of a girl in your group of friends that does that to someone else you know, maybe someone does that to you, who knows, but it is uncalled for and ridiculous.  We are all adults, you should be confident enough in your own assessment of people that if you do not like them, you do not deal with them.  That is it.  There is no need to put on this whole façade and fakeness.  Not everyone is meant to interact on a friendly basis, not a big deal, there are billions of people in this world, it happens. 

However, if you do find yourself in the middle of a group of friends who may not like each other, you may ask how you can be loyal to all sides? Well the thing with that is, never talk about the other parties, not even as simple ‘how is so and so doing?’ great. Shut that down.  The bigger issue that comes into play is social media.  I see a lot of people who blatantly admit to hating someone, but then go and like every picture he/she puts up on their social media outlets.  Now, I don’t know about everyone else, but I have a very hard time playing that game.  I do not do it.  If I do not like you, there is no reason for me to be in your life at all, in any way, shape or form.  While I do understand the need for diplomacy and politics, especially in a small town setting, there is no need to bash someone and then hound their social media under the guise that you are friends.  Something is to be said about the person who can so easily wear that mask; and the thing that is being said is that they are extremely untrustworthy.  If someone will talk about someone else to you, they are talking to someone else about you. 

This goes for men and women alike, there is no reason to be fake.  Being loyal does not only apply to your external relationships, but it applies to yourself as well.  Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, and don’t take advantage of yourself.  Be proud of the person you are, have strength in your convictions, and make sure your word means something.  Because believe me, when you are loyal to someone, you are giving them your word, and that should be enough for them to trust you. 

Stay In The House, Carl

There is pretty much only one television show that I follow religiously, making sure I am home for all the new episodes, patiently waiting every week for them to air.  That show is, of course, The Walking Dead.  Being the self-proclaimed zombie aficionado that I am, I have been a faithful ‘Dead’ fan since the series’ conception.  The series always keeps me on the edge of my seat, constantly applauding the writers [both of the graphic novel and of the series].  However, there has always been one constant in the series that I strongly disliked . . . and that would be the character of Carl Grimes.

Now, I know I am going to lose a lot of people on this, especially the young teenyboppers that adore him, but it needs to be said.  I have never been a Carl fan.  Recently I re-watched the series, so I got to watch Carl grow as a person[1], and I stand by my statement.  I really really really dislike that child. 

‘How can you dislike a child?’ Well for one, he is extremely whiny.  I understand that it’s the zombie apocalypse and he is still a child, but really, it is the zombie apocalypse!  There is no time for conventional morality, social norms, love and especially not childhood innocence.  In the zombie apocalypse it is kill or be killed; you do what you have to for survival.  That being said, Carl needs to grow up fast.  Sure, that sounds harsh, I mean, after all he still has his parents around and they should be able to protect him.  But as the tale of Sophia can attest, sometimes parents just cannot watch their kids and said children should have some basic defense/survival skills.  SPOILER ALERT, Sophia had neither, so she died, and that was the day her mother grew a backbone and became the BAMF[2] she is today.

While Carl certainly has had his fair share of kills and guts [ie: killing Lori, helping Rick clear the prison when the fences caved, etc.] he has still continuously proven to be a child.  While I mainly want to focus on Season 4 of the series, we do need to give Carl some character background.  In the first few seasons it is fair to say he is a child and we should put up with his whining, because the gravity of the zombie apocalypse had yet to sink in.  Nevertheless, Carl’s naïve, careless and childish actions not only endangered himself, but they got other people killed as well.  If it was not for Carl’s carelessness around the mud pit near Hershel’s farm, Dale would not have died.  Sure, Dale was not a character favorite, he was a ‘know it all’ and an unwanted moral compass, but he did not deserve to get his innards ripped out by some mud riddled zombie.  Additionally, it can be argued that he was the cause of Otis’ death.  If he did not get enamored by a deer and consequently hit with the shotgun buckshot that pierced the deer, Shane would not have killed Otis as revenge fueled murder.  Also in this season, no one could ever find Carl.  Anyone who watches The Walking Dead knows to turn it into a drinking game, ‘where is Carl’ became the best one.   The adults would say ‘stay in the house, Carl’ when all hell was breaking lose with zombies, and then all of a sudden everyone turns around and Carl is flirting with the jaws of death somewhere!  Kid is reckless!

Sure, Carl has gone through a lot, but that should make him hard, not ridiculous.  Every time the camera pans over to him I want to get up and shake him.  For instance, in this season Carl prides himself on being an adult and being able to take care of himself . . . Let’s discuss what he did when Rick was in a coma.  He told Rick (albeit an unconscious Rick) that he killed three walkers.  Well, is that true? Sure.  Is it entirely true? No.  He did not kill those three walker[3]s heroically, he almost got himself killed several times in the process, and he threw up afterwards.  You see, Carl was smart in luring the two walkers banging on the doorstep away from his house [I won’t even get started about how they were drawn to the house because of his shouting, reckless!] but in luring them away he encountered a third walker.  This third walker was able to sneak up behind him because he was walking backwards.  Sure, anyone sneaking up behind you is alarming, but during the apocalypse in which the undead are trying to eat you alive, you probably should not be walking a mile backwards luring these two flesh eating creatures with you. 

He used too many bullets (they were supposed to be rationing shots) and was able to take down all three, only by being pinned underneath them.  His main problems here, other than walking backwards with murderous zombies in tow, he used a lot of bullets which are a scarce resource and he also made such a commotion, any nearby zombies would have been attracted to the noise.  After this ordeal, Carl then went on a supply run to a nearby house, where he encountered a zombie.  Every time Carl comes into contact with a zombie he gets flustered and childish, which is understandable.  However it is not understandable since he continuously says how he is not a child.  After a lot of close calls with this zombie, which result in him losing his shoe and almost getting his leg chewed off, he was able to lock the zombie in a room and write a snarky note on the door.  Carl, how about you write ‘Do Not Open: Dead Inside’ instead of ‘Got my shoe, didn’t get me.’  Way to go on the prose, Carl, it is obvious schooling went out the window. What infuriated me most about this scene is that he has zero hand to hand combat skill.  That is just as important as knowing how to wield a gun! You should not be completely defenseless without your weapon, and Carl is.  In the house scene he was grabbing at anything to hit this zombie with and even once he had something, he had no idea how to use it.  Michonne once killed a zombie with twine, Andrea killed a zombie with nothing but pliers while she was handcuffed to a chair; how can you have a lamp, a set of golf clubs and a bat readily available and you still cannot kill it? 

I just don’t get it.

Maybe instead of being mad Carol was teaching the children how to defend themselves with knives instead of reading them stories during story time, he should have paid attention.  Even then, he did not see the importance of what Carol was doing, instead he just ran to his dad and tattled.  That was a childish move, Carl, but that was okay.  What was not okay was the 15 minute rant he went on to unconscious, dying Rick, about how he wishes he were dead.  Then, of course, in true Carl fashion, when he believes Rick comes back as a zombie, he starts crying and breaks down.  You cannot have it both ways, Carl, either be a man or be a child.  When the going gets tough, Carl gets to being a baby.  That really annoys me.  I understand he is stuck between a rock and a hard place, having to grow up quicker than he is ready, but that still does not excuse that he is growing up to be a hooligan. 

The Walking Dead has had several villains (I’m looking at you, Shane) and anti-heroes (hey, Merle) that I have disliked or rooted for, but Carl is by far the worst.  Shane went from being a good guy to a bad guy, Michonne went from being a hard/stand-offish character to being lovable, and even Merle had redeeming qualities; this is all character growth.   Unfortunately for Carl, the only ‘growth’ his character goes through is puberty and severe teenage angst.  We get it, Carl, life is rough for you.  You know who else it is rough for? EVERYONE.  Man up, shut up and quit your bellyaching! There is no crying in the zombie apocalypse! So from now until however long it takes, I will begrudgingly sit in front of my TV every Sunday night hoping this is the night Carl gets bit. 

Sorry, I’m not really sorry.

---

[1] I’m going to speak as if he is real and not just a character, so be prepared.

[2] Badass Mother F. . . you get the idea.

[3] The Walking Dead's term for a zombie.

I Waited My Whole Life For You

There are some people you meet in this world that seem like the complete package.  They are the very personification of everything you have ever wanted in another human being; for you, they are perfect.  At least that is the romanticized view of soul mates we tell ourselves we will find whenever we start a new courtship.  The problem with this, however, is that it makes us have tunnel vision and really makes our judgment convoluted. 

Just because you want to find your counterpoint, does not mean that person exists in your world.  As cynical as that statement sounds, I do think that there is one person for everyone.  I believe that each person has a complement that is absolutely perfect for them in every way.  The kicker is, I do not think everyone finds their person; which, I feel, is a true shame and injustice in life. Whether they are not near you geographically, or maybe the timing is just off, they might not exist at the time you need them to.  Yet, I still like to tell myself that there is a person I will find, but that is something we tell ourselves to give us comfort.  Because really, the world is so gigantic and ever changing, who knows where your person may be.

However, when you do find a person, and you think they’re perfect and you love all their flaws and you see all their crazy nuances and love them anyway, how can you be sure?  What if they are perfect for you in that moment, does that mean they will be perfect forever?  I like to think I am an accepting person as a whole, but I know I have met a lot of people in my life and have not fallen in love with their flaws.  Yet when you meet that person you waited your whole life for, you do love even their worst qualities; because that is part of what makes them, them.  I think the true goal in life is to find someone who does not just put up with you, but wholly accepts, nurtures and loves you.  They will challenge you to grow, bring out the best in you, but also love you still even when you fail or stumble or throw a childish fit the Froyo place doesn't have your favorite flavor.  The person you are meant for will see all the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul and love you anyway.  That, to me, is true love.  That is what I wish to find.  Sure, they will still get impatient with you and you will fight and whatever, but at the core, they see your scars and they will not want to erase them, they want to nurture them and show you that whatever your past may be, it brought you to them.

But what if you feel that way about someone who does not feel that way about you? Does that mean they were never truly yours to begin with?  Well, lovers, my feeling on that is, they were a lesson.  They were planted into your life to show you that not all that glitters is gold, everything comes with strings and stipulations.  Just because you love someone, potentially with your whole heart, in spite of themselves does not mean that they are ready to do the same.  That is o.k.  I take the stance that it is better to experience and feel everything life has to offer . . . happiness, pain, disappointment.  These are all rites of passage.  Put yourself out there.  Get Hurt! That is part of life.  Make mistakes.  Just make sure you learn from them.

 If you think you waited your whole life for someone, let them in.  Chances are, they will hurt you; maybe a lot, maybe a little, maybe not at all, you never really know.  But each person you come into contact with teaches you something, and for that, you should be forever grateful.  Someone once told me ‘have as much fun as you can, don’t take anything personal and leave everyone better than you found them.’  I still think about that all the time.  Unfortunately, not everyone plays by the same rules, but that is what I love about love.  Love is not fair and it is not easy, it is a full time job and it takes hard work. 

Each time you encounter love or a new person, they show you more about yourself and what you want and can handle or tolerate (or not) in relationships.  Sometimes you think you find this magical unicorn that you waited your whole life to meet, and sometimes they do not feel the same way about you.  That’s okay, do not get discouraged.  When the timing is right you will find your counterpoint.  That’s the lie I tell myself anyway.  I’m just another single lady looking for a good partner for the impending zombie apocalypse.

But seriously, while I think life is far from fair, I do not believe in coincidences.  Sometimes you cross paths with people just to help you grow into a better person for the next love that comes along.  Life is a forward motion, after all.  Never regret anyone in your past, for they showed you something new about yourself.  That is, at least, how I see it.  I have met some great men in my life, and while they were not meant to stay forever, they have each opened my eyes for many different reasons.  Still, I am waiting my entire life, just to meet that right person.