“When is it going to be your turn?” The tale of: ‘all of my friends are getting married.’

It has finally happened; I have come to the age where all of my friends are getting married.  This year I am going to 4 weddings, 2 of which I am in the bridal party, 5 bachelorette parties, and 6 bridal showers.  While I do love the honor of being in the bridal party and I do enjoy all of the festivities and weddings as a whole, I do not like the influx of questions. 

I have gone to weddings before, I have been in bridal parties before, both while I was in a relationship and while I was single.  However, this was in my youth.  What I am discovering now, in my mid-twenties, is that it does not matter if I am in a relationship or not, I will get inundated with questions.  Last Friday kicked off my first wedding for the season, in which I was a bridesmaid.  Despite going to the wedding alone, happily, and being single for months [again, happily], the question of the night was “when is it going to be your turn?”  Thus starting the theme, ‘let me find someone for you.’

Let me just stop everyone there.  Going to a wedding alone does not mean you are lonely, unhappy or on your way to being a crazy cat lady, the same way going to a wedding with a date/significant other does not mean you are happy and on a path to marriage.  While I do not mind other people ‘keeping an eye open’ for potential matches for me, I do not need people blindly setting me up.  I am not a fan of people just setting me up because well “he’s single and you’re single!” Oh, the commonalities! 

That apparently is the age in which I currently find myself. Everyone is wondering when I will get married and pitying my singledom.  Thank you for the pity, but I have a great job, a beautiful apartment I own, amazing family and pretty amazing friends; no need to pity.  And while I do not think I am close to becoming the crazy cat lady I may or may be destined to be, everyone’s haste and alarm to get me married off is starting to alarm me. 

I find the idea that people need to get married by a certain age not only ridiculous but also disconcerting.  Settling down is not the same as settling.  I repeat, settling down does not mean you have to settle. The fact that people hit a certain age and start getting asked the same questions I have found myself in a sea of, can be a little saddening.  But it is not a reason to throw yourself into the next relationship opportunity that presents itself just because you are scared.  Sure, maybe you will get married, maybe you won’t, but shouldn’t it be for the right reasons so you only have to do it once?  

You should get married for love, because you found your counterpart that makes you feel whole.  Someone who awakens every part of your being, makes you a better person and not only understands but loves all your quirks and annoying habits.  This person should bring out the best in you and you in them.  You should not just get married because you are lonely and are afraid to die alone.  Let me let you in on a little secret, everyone dies alone.  What you want is someone to go through life with, and life is a pretty long time! You should wait to find the right person instead of just rushing down the alter with the first shmoe that comes around promising you nicer tomorrows.

That’s how I feel, anyway.  So, to all the people that ask when it’s going to be ‘my turn,’ I will let you know once I meet someone who is worth spending forever with.