Learning to say goodbye is something we start to comprehend
at an early age. Babies learn to say ‘bye-bye’ fairly quickly and use that term any time a person exits a room. However, when it comes to permanent exits
from our life, how long is too long
to hold a candle?
When relationships end, as I’ve stated in previous blogs, it
is usually best to cut all ties. Nothing good ever really comes out of
staying friends with exes; cordial pleasantries are one thing, but to ‘stay
friends’ is just asking for trouble. As The Script
says ‘when a heart breaks, it don’t break
even,’ so there are often residual feelings lingering about post-breakup
from one of the parties involved. This is just
natural, feelings just do not go away over night, but if you keep picking at
the wound [i.e. hanging out/keeping in contact with your ex] you will never be
able to fully move on.
The real question is, though, what happens when you do stop talking
and you remove them from your life, yet still keep coming back to each
other? Maybe you just know their
birthday off the top of your head and send them a text on that day, maybe they can’t
stop texting you every time they hear that song you liked, maybe you both live
in the same neighborhood and have run-ins frequently; whatever the case is, the
door is still open for contact. What
happens then when that minimal contact opens the door for more frequent and planned contact?
The unspoken rule is that you get a few weeks mourning
period for every month you dated, but what if the time you spent apart exceeds
the time you spent together? Do you then
take that as a sign that the universe does not want you to let go of that
person? I mean, there has to be a reason why you cannot get them out of your
head and they feel the same way, right?
Does the fact that you two keep coming back to each other regardless of
time mean you are soul mates or does
it mean that you are both masochists and enjoy playing the same hurtful
scenario out over and over again.
I am extremely on the fence about this answer, as both sides
make alarmingly solid points. On one hand, you obviously both had a lot of
things in common, which is why you were together in the first place, but now
you have memories too?! Not to mention nostalgia/graduation goggles[1]
often make people stay places they are comfortable in rather than venture out into
the great unknown. This sense of
familiarity and comfort with another person paired with your obvious connection
is enough of a positive to say ‘yes, the universe wants us to be together.’ However, Albert Einstein does make a point
when he says insanity is the act of doing something over and over again and
expecting different results. To me, not
wanting to be insane would be enough to say ‘you are just a masochist and like
to be miserable.’ But really, doesn’t
everyone like things that are bad for them? I mean, hello! I know eating my own
weight in chocolate is bad, but it tastes so good!
This is where the cynic and romantic collide. When is holding on too long? Do you hold on to hope and try again, or do you cut your losses and move it along? Does it make you insane to try a relationship again, because
history tells you it will end badly, or does time really heal all wounds and
therefore you can try again as more experienced and mature people? These are my Monday musings . . . just a
thought.
[1]
Graduation Goggles- the filter you get when graduating school and the fear of
reality and the unknown sinks in. You
begin to remember everything you are leaving behind to be so much better than
it actually was.
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