BOOK REVIEW: It’s Just a F****ing Date

Recently I decided to switch up my reading list and pick up a book called It’s Just a ‘F***ing Date’ by  Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola. These two are the authors of ‘He’s Just Not that Into You’  which turned into a popular movie about how to tell when a guy is not interested.  When I went through a bad breakup my friend told me to purchase their other book, ‘It’s called a Breakup Because it’s Broken’, because she said it was life changing to her.  Now, as I am no longer in a sappy headspace, I decided to do my research and pick their book with profanity in the title; I mean, that does seem like a pretty solid way to make decisions, right?

To be quite honest, I was a little skeptical of the book.  I do not need a book full of ‘dating advice’, and quite frankly, I’m pretty cynical on the dating scene as a whole anyway. But I figured new things can’t hurt, certainly when it is in regards to a new piece of literature. Readers, let me tell you, when I picked up the book and started reading the Introduction, I was hooked!! It seemed like they wrote the book specifically for me, like they knew my history and we were having a very poignant and topical conversation.  Right out of the gate I found scenarios and statements I could relate to.  For instance, they said that women often date a man’s potential, not the man himself.  I have found myself in that situation before.  When you are so into someone, you see the very best in them; you see them for their full potential and you can’t help but radiate positivity and support at watching them shoot for the stars.  To me, I always found that very comforting . . . I always wanted someone to be as interested in and supportive of my life as I was of theirs.  Unfortunately, as Greg and Amiira point out, that situation can be rather dangerous.  You see, 1 of 3 things will happen when that person notices what you are doing (and they will notice), they will either be appreciative and meet their potential, they will see you’re trying to push them to be at a place they can’t get to and will leave you, OR they will see you’re trying to push them to be at a place they can’t get to and they will resent you for it.  Most of those situations do not bode well for you and your relationship.  The moral of that first story, and a lesson I have learned a lot through life, is you need to love people for where they’re at . . . even if you know they can go so much farther.  Accept where people are, and help nurture them to where they could go.

While I did find the book to be full of some useful advice and some of the testimonials and letters from readers made the ‘lessons’ Greg and Amiira give stick, I did find them to be a little harsh.  I understand that they’re giving advice and they wrote the book from the perspective of a ‘tough love’ friend, but sometimes they just need to relax.  I felt that way especially for the few men who wrote letters to the writers.  Yes, there were a few bad eggs in there, but for the most part I felt Greg and Amiira were almost sexist and made the men into villains without even trying to help them.  The parts of the book that made me feel that way made me cringe, but for the most part, I liked the lessons and anecdotes.

The book is only 223 pages and is chock full of useful advice in the dating pool, so you should definitely contemplate adding it to your summer reading list.  However, the huge disappointing disclaimer I want to add to this book is that at around page 140, the second half of the book, the authors lost steam.  While the first 140 pages were a quick read filled with sage advice, the second half was a bit stumbling and uninteresting.  It took me much longer to get through the last 80 some odd pages as it did the entire first half of the book.  I was so in love with the first half, eating up all their guidance and carefully analyzing how I can use it in real life situations, but by the second half that wise advice was gone.  It was like I watched them go from being the cool older brother and his girlfriend that you look up to to the lecturing parent who just ‘doesn’t get me.’  Notwithstanding the disappointing ending, the book is still worth a read, even if you’re not into the whole ‘dating scene,’ at the very least, it will entertain you.