Home is Where you Make It

Today I took the same walk to work that I have been taking for the past 6 months.  Every day I pass a golden lab in a loading dock (with his owner of course) and today I noticed two things about him that I have never noticed before.  The first revelation was that there is not just one golden lab, there are two of them! As if that was not shocking new information enough, there was another; the aforementioned golden labs, albeit sweet and cuddly, are in fact bomb sniffing dogs ‘working’ at the loading dock.

While this probably should have made me a little uneasy, as my office is across the street, it made me extremely proud.  I am a New Yorker, through and through.  My city has had some travesties and taken some hits over the years, but we have character, charisma, spunk, and a drive that says ‘no matter how hard you hit us, we will get up, dust ourselves off and hit harder.’ I know as a nation we have completely changed our demeanor and outlook in a post-terrorism world, but it gives me pride to be part of a city that is so strong and [in a sense] badass. We do not let anything stop our city; because, as we all know, everything changes in a New York Minute.

When I say I have pride for my city, I do not mean I am just happy to live here.  What I mean is, I tell people I am American when they ask my nationality and I fight with people from other states about what football team is the best.  It doesn’t matter where I go in my life, I will always be a New Yorker. A lot of personal characteristics I posses, that I think are rather common sense, are 99% of my upbringing but also because of my surroundings.  New Yorkers are tough; we are resilient, quick on our feet, and always willing to fight for what is ours and what is right. I do not think I would be the same person I am today if I was raised in any other city this Great Nation has to offer.  Being 100% honest, I do not think my parent’s would be the same people either.  As New Yorkers we are not like other states, we are very fast paced and impatient in life, as a whole.  But being part of the 5 boroughs really puts us in a league of our own.  We are impatient and driven to the max; and that is something that I love about myself and my fellow compatriots.    I bleed red, white and blue, and I bleed this city.  Passing the Freedom Towers every day on my commute home, and the Brooklyn Bridge, makes me really happy, gives me a sense of belonging, and reminds me that if we can get through the monstrosity of 2001 [and B. Spears can get through 2009] I can handle anything life throws at me.  

We are America Strong, and I, am a proud New Yorker.

Make life daring

Several weeks ago I had a very ‘Good Friday’ (the pun is that it was on Good Friday) and decided to go skydiving.  This decision was something I always wanted to do but never thought would actually happen, as I am not the fondest of heights.  However, with some coercion from one of my friends and a nice deal from Google offers, I decided to take the plunge and find a plane to jump out of.

First, they make you sign the most horrifying waiver I have ever seen in my life; pretty much giving away any right you have to sue after your impending death.  Then this ‘video’ they make you watch is pretty much the same thing as the waiver, saying all the horrible things that may happen but also telling you that when they fit you for your harness you may be touched inappropriately.  But don’t worry, it’s all protocol.   While this may be a deterrent to you [I totally froze while signing the waiver] I felt I didn’t drive 2 hours to Pennsylvania for nothing so I continued on.  You meet your instructor, who will be buckled to you for your first jump, and of course in true fashion, I get the kooky one.

They get you suited up in the harness and take you up in this little dinky aluminum plane.  I was the third person to jump which scared me because I knew if I saw anyone else, I would freeze and not want to go.  So up we go in the plane and look down at all the little people driving their little cars out of their little houses.  The farther up we go, naturally, the more nervous I get; we go up and up and the houses look smaller and smaller until all I can see are clouds.  It is there, at 17,000 feet, that they open the rickety door of the plane and proceed to jump out.  First off goes the videographer, then a woman, then her boyfriend, and then it is my turn.  As we slide down the bench and stand at the edge of the plane I start to have a change of heart…instead of getting ready to push off the plane and jump, I start pushing backwards and telling my instructor I no longer want to go.  My instructor, being the kind, understanding person he was, tells me it is ‘okay’ and then proceeds to jump out of the plane anyway, with me attached. 

Horrified, I closed my eyes for a brief second as we freefell for 60 seconds.  Knowing I spent good money and this is a once in a lifetime experience, I pried open my eyes and really experienced the fall.  That had to be the longest 60 seconds of my life.  We fell through clouds, which tasted like chemicals by the way, and fell for what seemed like forever, overlooking all of Pennsylvania in it’s glory.  Once the parachute was pulled, and I stopped freaking out from the shock of the jerk, we got to hover in the sky for about 7 minutes.  It was so quiet up there and everything looked so tiny and irrelevant, it really got you thinking how small the world really is, and how insignificant our daily routines really are.  From up in the air I could see the earth was really round (seriously), and it just made me think that this was probably one of the most life affirming things I have ever done, and it was certainly the biggest thing I have done in a long time.

It’s funny, jumping out of a plane at 17k feet can really get you thinking.  Instead of thinking about how scary what I was doing was or how horribly wrong this could go, I was thinking about how I need to take more risks in life.  Life should be truly lived.  We get so stuck in our daily routine; wake up, shower, get dressed, go to work, work, come home, go to sleep.  Every day, like clockwork, at least that is how my life is.  So to do something so out of the ordinary and so out of character was really, peaceful.  I was proud; I stepped deep out of my comfort zone and got to do something amazing [albeit simple] that I can tell my children and grandchildren, and anyone willing to listen, for years to come.  You do not need to shatter the world to have a great story, but you should try to have a great story at least once in a while.  And that is the reason I had a very good Friday. 

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Whoever said the aforementioned quote clearly did not live in the Twenty First Century.  There is a lot to fear now a days, ignoring all diseases/cancers/accidents that have plagued man since the beginning of time, there are new dangers.  For the past 12 (okay, 11.5) years Americans have been living in a post terrorism era.  This is an era I have known from my teenage years until present, and which has shaped me more than I really was aware of.

I am one of those people that are very nostalgic and hypersensitive to the attacks on September 11^th.  I can tell you exactly where I was, where my family was, what I was wearing, what happened in the week that followed; I remember everything about that day.  While I remember carefree life before 9/11, I know that tragedy has influenced me more than I cared to believe.

While watching the news footage of the attacks at the Boston Marathon yesterday, I immediately started recalling the news 12 years ago.  I started shaking and wondering how on earth I could get home while avoiding mass transit (pretty impossible, by the way).  I received several text messages from close friends and exboyfriends who were concerned with my level of neurosis on the matter. That’s really when it dawned on me; despite being an adolescent at the time of the attack, not being in the city at the time, but having a perfect view of it from my bedroom window, and having the ash on my car, I have suffered and have some sort of [while self-diagnosed and probably minor] PTSD to such tragedy.  Even today, while I was getting ready for work, I was standing in my bathroom starring myself in the mirror wondering how ridiculous it would be to call out of work.

The NYPD is doing a great job of showing a strong police presence, and ensuring our streets are safer, even though there is no threat.  However, I still feel uneasy.  It is not that I do not trust them, because I know Ray Kelly has the finest and bravest out there on patrol today and every day, it is just that I fear what is uncertain.  You see, there is a lot to fear, and at the end of the day it is always the same thing.  We fear what we do not know will happen.  I know my city is safe, and no matter what we are strong, we will band together and carry through just as we always have, just as Boston is doing now.  Yet it is still the ‘what if’ that puts a chill down my spine, raises all my hairs, and scares me so much I second guess all my routine and daily choices (ie-going to work, taking the subway or bus, going out for lunch, etc). 

The thing with fear is, it’s natural.  It is okay to be afraid of the unknown, the uncertain, the endless possibilities good and bad that can infringe themselves upon you and uproot your life at any given moment.  Life in general is scary.  Fear does not make you weak, it makes you human, keeps you humble and grounded.  However it is letting fear stop you, paralyze you; change your life that is the real cowardice act.  There is a lot to fear in the world, but we  need to band together and trudge on; keep moving forward, pick up the wounded and battered hearts and fight back.  New York learned that lesson many years ago and unfortunately, now it is Boston’s turn.  The people of America are resilient, we know pain and we know we are greater than any coward terror that tries to get one over on us while we are seemingly preoccupied.  We are better than this.  Better days are ahead.

Crescent City- an ode to my new favorite band. Dirty Bourbon River Show

Over the weekend, I was lucky enough to see a New Orleans jazz/funk/ska/circus/rock band play twice.  The Dirty Bourbon River Show is one of the best bands I have seen in a very long time.  They are lively, full of energy and genuine love for what they do, they have a theme and stick to it [which speaks to my persona and I appreciate it]. As musicians [certainly not starving artists] they just have so much fun with the music and each gig and that really relates to the audience.

Noah, Dane, Jimmy, Matt and Charlie are each very talented and bring their talents together in a fun and whimsical way.  The band play numerous brass and unique instruments as well as the standard electric instruments.  Their circus theme and funky song titles and lyrics speak true to their home city, New Orleans Louisiana.  The brass, funk, circus inspired music is something unique to Dirty Bourbon River Show but can be traced back to New Orleans as a carefree party feel.  Each song is so different from the next both in vocals and instruments, there are opera hooks, light pyrotechnics, and impromptu instrumental drum solos that makes the audience keep guessing in wonder as to what will come next. 

This band makes me miss the city of New Orleans, as I have not been there in nearly 10 years.  However my weekend spent at 2 of their stops on their nation wide tour made me really appreciate their city, their music, and what it means to be a traveling musician.  These men have been on the road for several months with no end in site couch surfing just to pursue their love for music and share their talent with the world.  They are not looking for fame and fortune; they are just showcasing their homegrown talent with the rest of the country.  This is true love for the art.  They are away from their families and former lives all for the sake of music and doing what you love.  I can absolutely respect that, and they definitely evoked more emotions than I’m sure originally anticipated.  Their sets made me miss NoLa, book my formerly tentative trip, and make me really question why anyone should focus on money for a living.  We really should focus on what we love, and have money be a secondary issue.  These 5 friends travel the country with nothing more than what they can pack in their van and haul to the next city, and they have more memories, fun, stories and life experiences than many of us can ever have in a lifetime. 

If you have not already done so, go to dirtybourbonrivershow.com and check out their upcoming tour dates and check them out.  They are really something else.

'Love is worth the Chaos'

“Love is worth the chaos”

That is quite a loaded statement, isn’t it? Most love, whether it be new love, true love, puppy love, or something in between, it brings chaos.  Love is the influx of emotions, and if done right, lots of ‘em! When you are in love, you are overjoyed with what you have, excited with what will come in the future, and scared that you may lose this new thing you found.  All these strong emotions hitting your body at once is a lot to process and when you add someone else into the mix, how can it be anything less than chaos?
Now, most people hear the word chaos and think of something negative.  The actual definition is ‘a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.’  Well, love is like that.  You have all these feelings; good, bad and otherwise, pulsing through your heart at once.  It isn’t necessarily bad but love, especially your first love, brings about all these emotions that confuse you to everything else.  Love is all encompassing and rather controlling.  In the beginning it is all you see, all you want to see, and all you have time for; this one amazing emotion that releases endorphins and makes you happy to be here. You get to experience all of this because of one other person, without them, you may never feel this way again.
Love is absolutely chaos. It is passion. Even when you are in love, you can be at the tippy top of the world, or at the very bottom.  Love can go to both extremes, because where there is passion, there are high emotions.  I have heard people describe ‘true love’ as wanting to fight with one person for the rest of their life rather than to be with anyone else.  Well, the true cynic that I am, thought this convoluted notion of love was only for Luther Vandross songs.  But I thought about it, I mean really thought about it, and that notion was sweet. 

I am a firm believer of putting crazies with other crazies, you don’t want to infect the world with more unhappy people, right? Just put all of them together.  If you like to fight, be with someone else that likes to fight, and leave the rest of us alone.

However, fighting for love isn’t really the same as fighting.  You can go from screaming and yelling to kissing and hugging in about two seconds flat.  Who’s to say what the norm is there?  Love is different for each person.  Some people have stronger feelings for their pets than other people, some people love their family more than their spouse.  But regardless, everyone has some sort of idea what love it.  Yet while we all like to think we know what love is, we really have no idea until we experience it, and I mean really experience it, ourselves.  It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been [or thought you’ve been] in love, each love, each person is different.  The emotions never get easier, the response never gets calmer, it’s just intense, overpowering, and really, well, emotional!

Love is chaotic because it makes you feel all of these different highs and lows and really attaches you to another person.  You begin to feel without this person you will lose whatever happy effect you have.  That makes people act crazy, doing anything to keep it around.  While that notion is, in a classic sense, ‘romantic’, it makes me wonder. .  . is that what is chaotic about it?

Love is so chaotic it is hard to pin down in a definition, a word, a phrase.  It is hard to hold let alone to understand.

I feel that love is worth the chaos because it is so rare and unique (no matter how many times you’ve felt it) that it is worth going absolutely mad to protect.  Love joins two different personalities, people, families; it shows you what you’re willing to compromise on and what you aren’t, highlights your best attributes, and your worst; it really shows you what you’re made of.  Being in love makes you learn just as much about yourself than it does show you about the person you’re with.  Isn’t any form of knowledge or self discovery worth the chaos?

What are your thoughts on this quote?

If Today was your last day.

Not to quote a really [lame] Nickelback song, BUT…tomorrow I am going skydiving! Yes, skydiving.  For anyone that knows me, this is laughable, because I get terrified by a little turbulence on airplanes, hate looking down and out of a window in a sky scraper, but somehow I was convinced in to skydiving.

Apparently if you tell me to do something that might kill me, I will do it, as long as there is a ‘google offers’ or groupon deal on it.  That being said I embark on my [terrifying] life adventure tomorrow.  I feel like I have a lot of great life stories, and occasionally do silly things, but this is one thing I needed to do before I die so I can tell my [future/hypothetical] children what a bad ass their mum was. 

I am at this point in my life where I want to have as many life experiences, and good karma as I can.  While skydiving doesn’t bring particularly good karma, I signed up for the Revlon Walk for Women (May 4^th. Mommy’s Angels) for that, skydiving will certainly give me with a good story [blog post] for later. 

Every girl wishes they have a love like ‘The Notebook’ where their husband will write the story of their love and read it to them when their brain goes to mush.  Really, I just want to write a kickass memoir for my kid’s to read and be like ‘oh that old lady was really something.’  I don’t want to change the world or leave a legacy in history books, I just want to impact one person; change their world, be someone, some sort of legacy or hero to them. 

While that seems like a tall order for one little skydiving trip, I don’t think it is. 

My best friend and I are going to drive 2 hours to another state to jump out of a little plane and free fall for  14k feet, knowing full aware that we are both afraid of heights.  After our [obviously] amazing adventure, we are going to go to an old school hip hop party--dressed to impress [again, obviously.]  To me, life doesn’t need to be filled with drinking or partying or anything, it just needs to be filled with memories, moments, adventures, that are different than the ‘norm’ that make it all worth it.  Looking at other people’s pictures and hearing their testimonies of skydiving, as scared as I am, I know that this is a personal victory [regardless of if I cry like a little baby.]

Life is all about taking chances and trying new things and Lord knows I am going to do just that!

An famous old saying goes ‘do one thing every day that scares you.’ Well, since free falling a million feet[*] in the air with nothing but a human backpack[†] is one of the scariest things ever; I think I am good for a while.

WISH ME LUCK! 

And keep your eyes peeled for the kickass follow up to this blorticle!

Later bloggers. :)

---

[*] Exaggeration.  As stated above, it is really only 14,000 ft

[†] Who also happens to be wearing a parachute

A Day in the Life: How to be a savvy dater.

I have been thrown back in to the dating ocean (more like a pool) to see what other fish will think I’m undamaged and find my sarcastic cynicism cute and endearing.  As I embark on my new journey to enjoy single life, as I have been in a relationship for a few years, I am noticing that maybe what I think is ‘normal’ isn’t really normal.

[Before I dive in to this blog, I am going to preface this entry with a disclaimer: I am not a sexist in any way.  I love men, I would probably make a great one since I kill my own bugs and am afraid of commitment. But that's neither here nor there. This blog was not intended to berate any gender.  I am just sharing my experience as a single woman.  Take the advice as you see applicable in your life.]

As I learned when I was 20, and so sweetly explained to the male, if you go on a few dates with someone, you are not in a relationship! You just aren’t.  Maybe you are dating, seeing each other, whatever you call it, but you are not in a relationship.  Never assume you are together exclusively unless you ask.  When I was 20 I went on three dates with a guy who was a few years older than me (like old enough to know better!)  First was a double date, then two on our own.  He then ‘surprised’ me while I was out at a bar with my brother and friends and proceeded to demand to meet my brother…as my ‘boyfriend.’  I was not a fan.  Needless to say, he was put in a cab and sent on his merry way back to Long Island City or wherever.

 Being as that was 5 years ago, I thought things would get easier by now.  I was no longer seen as a young naive girl, so even still dating men in their mid-late 20s/early 30s should be easy right? Wrong!  Apparently, men just get older, not grow up.  No offense to the guys, maybe I’m just prone to meeting overly emotional clingy men.  Anyway, I have been testing the waters to this new single lifestyle and very casually going on dates; and by dates, I mean dates . . . dinner, drinks, maybe a movie, nothing crazy.  [and to clarify, NO ONE gets to go to my house, or the places I frequent.]

With all these new found dates I am going on, it dawned on me that while there really isn’t (nor should there be) a set of ‘Rules’ for dating, there is a common sense etiquette to follow.  But as with everything else in life, no one has common sense anymore.  So I will educate the masses on what a single woman in the city (no, not fake like Sex & The City) really wants/doesn’t want on a date.

First off, this SHOULD go without saying, but considering it has happened to me three times in the past week, I have to say it.  DON’T BE CLINGY!!! Guys always complain about girls being clingy and too much, DUDE, you guys are so worse! It’s sweet to call and text cute little things frequently throughout the day, but don’t be weird.  If we just met, talk for an hour, have a spark, just enjoy it.  A way to make sure that spark dies before it even starts is to say ‘how many kids do you want? How much money do you make? WHEN you meet my mom . . .’ blah blah blah.  It’s creepy, it’s weird, and quite frankly, it is one hell of a turn off.  Nothing makes me run faster (and I never run) than someone (a man) naming all of our children and signing me up to meet his mom on the first encounter (not even a date!)

Secondly, back to the subject of texting cute nothings.  Be CUTE, don’t be so cute (clingy) that your sexuality comes in to question.  If you are a girl over the age of 15, you shouldn’t do this, and if you are a man you should certainly never do this.  Do not ever, under any circumstances, text someone ‘Mwahh’ or ‘mwa’ or any other ludicrous spelling.  What is that? It’s just silly and makes me wonder if I (my gender) are your ‘type’ or if I am shamelessly robbing the cradle.  It’s just weird and creeps me out.

Let’s skip ahead to the part where you are actually on the date.  There are many ways to have a good date, depending on the activity you choose and of course your company.  Sometimes, depending on the company again, beer and wings might be a cute date, although not my style.  This is what gets me most nervous, choosing what to eat while on the date.  It shocks me how many people (men and women) do not put any thought in to what they are ordering while on a date.  Years ago I went on two separate dates with two separate guys.  One ordered onion rings and the other ate a lot of garlic bread, and I remember giving both of them the same look and thinking “well I guess they aren’t interested in me, because I am NOT kissing them.”  . . . Both of those gentlemen ended up being long term relationships for me.  But that is besides the point, and you really need to get some serious brownie points after the fact to make up for your poor diet decisions.  If you like the girl/guy or just want a kiss at the end of the night, DO NOT eat things that smell.  Garlic, Onions, FISH, whatever, don’t eat it.  My grandmother always told me not to eat spaghetti on a date because I end up shoveling it in to my mouth and looking like a pig.  Well, I rather look like a piglet than stink, so if you eat something I don’t approve of, off go the white gloves, my friend!  Just be conscious of what you order.  Also, if you order something and don’t like it…shut up! Just eat it. I don’t want to sit and listen to you complain about it, or worse, tell the waitress! I have been a waitress, no one wants to hear your complaint, just give her a good tip and take your food.

Related to the topic of tipping, another good way to lose a potential is to tell her how your friends nicknamed you ‘T-Rex’ because you ‘have short arms’.  No one, and I mean no one, wants to hear that you are cheap.  You aren’t suddenly going to become illusive and attractive to me because you don’t spend your money.  I am down for paying for things, but cheap people? Not a fan.  I work very hard for my money, but when I go out, I go out to spend.  I know what it is like to work for tips so I make sure I tip well.  If you’re out, assume you’re going to spend money, or ask me to split (which will probably not end well either) but anything is better than listening to someone complain about how much something is.  Unless it is absolutely absurd, just keep your grumbling to yourself.

While there are a lot of qualms I have with the new ‘dating scene’, these are just guidelines.  I still prefer guys who I need to tell to calm down a bit rather than guys who are too ‘cold’ and distant where I wish they would call/text and they never do on time.  So what I have learned is that it is a fine, fine line, and flirty dance between being unbearably clingy, and way too distant.  Find a happy medium, ladies and gents.  Don’t start naming your kids or bringing your parents on the first date, but also don’t take 2 hours to respond to a text (without being genuinely busy.)  Welcome to the world, daters!  Good luck and Gods speed.