Well, it’s that time again, where I let you ladies and gents
in on a few more dating secrets. I know
dating isn’t really ‘cool’ anymore, now it’s all just ‘hang outs,’ asking to ‘chill’
and ‘predates.’ Let me just stop
everyone right then and there; I am an adult.
I do not need to hang out with you to see if you’re worth my time to
actually go on a date with, that is what talking/texting is for. You talk to someone for a bit, and if there is a mutual interest, then a date is
in order. I should also specify that you should get to know the person a little before you go on a date, just so you're not meeting a total stranger and allowing for the situation to be even more awkwardly uncomfortable.
When I say ‘date,’ I do not necessarily mean a big elaborate
plan or a fancy dinner. Personally, I
like first dates to be simple, like brunch, coffee or a few drinks. My theory with that is that it puts less pressure
on the date, keeping it more casual, and it gives you a nice time constraint if
you end up having nothing in common.
First dates are always awkward; you do not need to put added pressure on
them and yourself by locking yourself into a 2+ hour ordeal. Keep the initial plans short, if you’re
having fun, you can always find something else to do or you can end on a high note,
cut the night early, and build anticipation for next time.
So now that you know my feelings on dates, let us discuss
what these ‘hang outs’ are. Being as
chivalry is long dead and we are in there age where, thanks to dating apps and
social media, there are plenty of options and a constant revolving door of
prospects, daters do not like to commit.
I am not saying you go on a few dates with someone and you should be
demanding exclusivity, per other blogs we know I am not like that; I am simply
saying that a date should be a defined occasion, and your intentions should be
clear. I am not a fan of ambiguity, life
is filled with uncertainties to begin with and dating should not be one of
them. Dating should be fun; it should be
filled with promise and entertaining activities (like mini-golf, who doesn’t
like mini-golf?) When you put these ‘casual’ labels on things it all of a
sudden puts a heavy cloud of angst on
the ‘date’ where you don’t know what to wear, what to say; do you shake hands
or kiss goodnight, do you text them to thank them for a nice evening? What is actually happening?
That is just way too much unnecessary pressure and drama for my liking. Keep things simple. This is why whenever someone asks me to ‘hang out’ or ‘chill’ I immediately follow it up with the word date. I am not being some priss that needs to be wined and dined, but I do need to be treated with respect and actually asked on a date like an adult. If we are ‘hanging out’ I will assume we are friends, and you will quickly find yourself in the dreaded ‘friend zone.’ Sorry, kid, but that is just how the cookie crumbles.
That is just way too much unnecessary pressure and drama for my liking. Keep things simple. This is why whenever someone asks me to ‘hang out’ or ‘chill’ I immediately follow it up with the word date. I am not being some priss that needs to be wined and dined, but I do need to be treated with respect and actually asked on a date like an adult. If we are ‘hanging out’ I will assume we are friends, and you will quickly find yourself in the dreaded ‘friend zone.’ Sorry, kid, but that is just how the cookie crumbles.
Once you finally get the gall to ask someone on a proper
date, let’s now go over the ground rules.
A personal pet peeve of mine is people asking me out on dates same
day. Do I look like I have no life? I have roughly 4 hours of free time a day,
and between errands, cooking, the gym and my new found love for the chiropractor,
my days book up pretty quickly. So when
you ask me out on a date, you better have a good argument as to why I should
drop what I am doing to spend time with you.
I’m sorry if that comes off bitchy, but it’s pretty inconsiderate to ask
someone at 8pm (or later!) to go out for drinks. Not only does that make it sound like you
were a last resort/boredom deterrent, but it also shows that the person does
not really care about your previous plans.
Thus, I always say no to the people that ask me on last minute dates,
that is just unnecessary, and 9 times out of 10 I have no interest in said rude
person anyway.
Assuming you are a gentleman (or a lady, girls can ask guys
out on dates too!) and ask your love interest out at least a day in advanced,
now where do you go from there? I tend
to say you should ask someone out within a few days of when you want to actually
go out, this way they do not forget about it and you’re not making plans weeks
in advanced. But even if you only make
plans the day before, you should always
check in day of. Even if you did not do
the asking, you should still check in; don’t just assume nothing has changed
and the plan is still on. We all
reconfirm meetings in the business world, dating is just another
interview/meeting. The catch-22 with
that, however, is that you do not want to wait too late to confirm the date,
because the person may think you’re bailing and make other plans. So, dear dater, try to check in around lunch
time. Everyone is happy at lunch time,
and they will appreciate your enthusiasm towards the date.
If you are not the date planner, and the dater is trying to
be romantic and not tell you date details, just dress [business] casual cool. You can never go wrong with a summer dress
and sandals, or a polo (although I prefer the button down) and some boat shoes. The whole point of dating is you are supposed
to look effortless and be so excited about the potential of where this may
lead, but in real life, dating is scary! There is so much that can go wrong; food in
your teeth, lull in conversation, you get catfished[1],
the person isn’t as interesting or cute as they were after that 4th
shot of tequila, the horrible possibilities are endless! But since we can take some pressure
off of dating, by being upfront about the date, confirming it, and dressing in
your ‘Sunday’s best’, why don’t we do that?
Hopefully this blog inspired you to grab your dating life by the wheel
and steer it into the direction you want it to be in[2]!
It’s a jungle out there, daters, and unlike what Axl Rose[3]
says, it is not all fun &
games. But at least you have me, your
friendly veteran dater, spilling all my dating secrets and horrible
stories. At the very least you get a
good laugh at someone else’s expense [mine] and maybe you’ll even learn
something!
Later, Daters.
xoxo
[1] Catfish:
When you meet someone from the internet in real life and they are not who their
profile portrayed them to be. Liars!
[2] I’m
not entirely sure that metaphor made any sense . . . just go with it.
[3]
Referencing 1987’s hit ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns N’ Roses..if you did not
previously know that, welcome to earth!
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