It is now a running joke in my inner circle (and some on the
outside as well) that I go on some interesting [read: horrible] first
dates. I meet a lot of people on a weekly
basis; I pretty much always have a story, even something as mundane as taking
public transportation home, I have a story.
You would think the odds would be in my favor to meet ‘the one’ being as
I meet so many people, but No. Let me
tell you why, when I say I meet a lot of people, that is true, however, I meet
a lot of crazy people.
Now please do not read this as judging, that is not true at
all. I am in no way ‘normal,’ Morticia Adam’s says
‘what’s normal for the spider is chaos
for the fly,’ and I strongly believe that.
But as I have stated in previous blogs, life is all about finding people
who are your kind of crazy. I know my
kind of crazy isn’t everyone else’s cup of tea, and I am good with that. We are all just looking for a person whose
demons play well with ours . . . or at
least that is my mission.
That being said, I do think I have a magnet that brings the
crazies to me. Either that or I am just
too nice, which I know people who know me well are laughing at that, but I do
think I am too nice. Also, I do think there
are certain rules (i.e. Social norms) that should be followed on a first
encounter/date with someone. For
example, not only should you read social queues, but know where you are on the totem
pole. That doesn’t mean you should let
someone treat you poorly or that you are ‘beneath’ someone. What I mean by ‘totem pole’ is, know where
you stand in your relationship with this person. If you JUST
met them, well then maybe you should know that your relationship with them is
an acquaintance and not something intimate.
What do I mean by that, you ask?
Well, let me divulge.
No matter what your relationship is with a person, you
cannot cram a lifetime into the initial meet.
That means that you need to know if you are initially meeting the
person, you are still strangers getting to know each other, you are not lifelong
friends. You may feel like you have a
spiritual connection with this person like you’ve known them forever, but at
the end of the day you do not and should act accordingly.
In a romantic sense, if you do not know the person, you
should avoid all intimate gestures on a first date. For whatever reason, I tend to go on a lot of
first dates where people think it’s appropriate to hold hands. I hope you’re making a face while reading
that, dear reader, because I just cringed.
I have gone on first dates with strangers, people I’ve met in bars,
people I know via mutual friends giving me a vague idea of who they are, and
still, I think this is weird. I am not a
huge hand holder to begin with, but I think no matter what, a first encounter
with someone, and certainly while sitting at a bar or coffee house, is no time
to hold someone’s hand. Maybe if you’re
having a romantic night out and you are taking a stroll and the mood calls for
it, sure, go for it; but if you’re just sitting at a bar having a casual
conversation, maybe rethink your urge.
Furthermore, if the object of your affection removes their hand not
once, not twice, but three
times from your clutches, maybe it is time to stop trying to make the hand holding
happen. I am unsure if other people have
those kinds of first dates, but I seem to be meeting all the hand holders. Fellas, you’re all nice guys, but please, please, please, for the love of God, read social queues! If my hands are folded on my lap or firmly
grasping my drink on the bar, do not entangle them to creepishly lace your
fingers with. No, I am not interested,
and no there will be no second date.
Yet, silver lining time.
To further prove how I constantly have a story, and also to leave this
blog on a high note, I will let you in on another little piece of advice. TAKE
CHANCES!
Several weeks ago I was leaving work late so I jumped on a
different train than I usually take. I
noticed halfway through my trip that there was a younger [than me] man standing
in the middle of the car staring at me.
As I am the paranoid person I am, feeling he was staring, I would look over and exchange a ferociously fierce glance. Every
time our eyes met he would give me a smile, so I stopped being paranoid and
continued staring off into the distance, drowning in my music and unwinding from
my day. When the two seats next to me
opened up he ran to sit down, making sure to leave an empty seat as a buffer
between us. I saw him continuously
looking at me from the corner of my eye (and the reflection in the window) but
I had a long day and didn’t feel like bothering with people. Finally when someone came to sit in between
us he scooted over closer towards me, giving the new person the corner
seat. Any straphanger[1]
knows that the corner seat is coveted; You do not give that up lightly! As
he scooted towards me he gently bumped into me and apologized, to which I
reciprocated with a smile, as I did not want to take my headphones off. Apparently this was not the response the
young man wanted because he then made a more dramatic effort, slid all the way
to the right then slid all the way to the left crashing into me. I figured at that point I had no choice but
to take my headphones off and talk to him.
It was a pleasant conversation, he was very nice, although it did
not turn into anything more.
The point of that story is to let people know that they
should take chances! Any scenario is an opportunity to meet new
people, and if you play your cards right, it might even bloom into something
more. While I did not ever see this
person again, nor did I think we would be compatible in any way, shape or form,
it was nice to see someone taking initiative and being so brazen. Even if the object of your affection is not
interested, you get some serious brownie points for making a move. Hang in there, daters, for every bad story there has to be a good one . . . they can't all be bad!!
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