This is the story of my life; Murphy’s Law. I am the
perpetual Klutz McGee, which usually doesn’t bother me at all, but when I absolutely
positively need something to go flawlessly . . . well, that’s when it all
goes downhill.
Now, not everything needs to be a huge catastrophe; thank
God, for me it’s usually just little things.
For example, my mother always used to tell me ‘make sure to look nice
whenever you go out, because you never know who you will meet.’ Well this advice is obvious on a Friday/Saturday
night, because getting dolled up on the weekend is my specialty, but any time I
don’t head that advice,
I usually regret it.
Not getting it yet?
Okay, I will explain.
A few months ago my mother and I had tickets to go see The Nance on Broadway for a Sunday
Matinee. I got the tickets from some ‘internet
deals’ kind of site, but I was really looking forward to the show since it looked
great, Nathan Lane was starring in it, and I love any outing with my momma (she’s
the best!). So I kept in mind that I had
to leave my house in the late morning to be ready for the show, but I went out Saturday
night anyway. My partner in crime and I
went into the City, bar hopped then ended up back in my town and bar hopped
some more. Now Sunday morning comes, and
I do not know how exactly it had happened, but I woke up with a hangover. That being the case, obviously I was
moving in slow motion that morning and figured since I had washed my hair before
I went out last night, I can just pin my bangs back and not wash it again, being
as that tacks on another 20 minutes (wash & dry time) to my shower
routine. So I clean up (minus my hair),
throw some minimal makeup on, my favorite shirt and leggings and head out to
meet my mother. Now, little known fact
about me; my hair is long but I absolutely despise
putting my hair back. I have had bangs
for the past, I don’t know, 10 years, and it is for a reason. I am not a fan of my hair pulled back, I think
I look weird. But it was a Sunday, and a
play, and despite being a few blocks from my office, who was I going to see?
Sure enough, I am GAWKING at this man in the audience who is
sitting near us. He was so handsome and
looked extremely familiar but I could not place why. Intermission comes and goes and I figure it
out!!
Jonathan Tucker[1]!
My ex-boyfriend and I had just re-watched the entire (and
sadly short lived) series of The Black
Donnelly’s, which starred Mr. Tucker, so his face was fresh on my mind.
Once I figure it out I alert my mother (and brother via text) and our family
meeting consensus was that I should go and say something. Despite looking like a total banshee, towards
the end of the play I walked up and said
‘You’re Jonathan
Tucker, right? I am a fan of your work.’
Exchanged a few
pleasantries and walked away. See, the
thing here, ladies, is to act cool even when you do not feel confident. The main point is also sometimes saying less
makes way more of a statement than talking someone’s head off does.
It turns out Jonathan used to work with one of my friend’s
brothers, and still kept in contact.
Well due to some diligent twitter research on his end, he made the
connection and told my friend’s brother what an impression I made on him. Unfortunately for me he is married, but it
was still a pretty awesome run in! Now obviously with his marital status my
looks made no difference, but I like to think had I heeded my mother’s advice and dolled up before going out, I
could’ve bagged myself a single actor.
But then again, I’m sure some side swept bangs and a little blush isn’t
going to make much of a difference, what you see is pretty much what you get,
here. J
In a shorter, yet on topic story, I once met Gerard Butler
one St Patrick’s day after I marched in the parade and probably drank my own
weight in cider. While I looked adorable
when I left my house, the drunken end result probably looked a little lack
luster.
That wasn’t even a bad story. My problem is whenever I just roll out of my
house thinking I’m not going to see anyone is when I see EVERYONE. I went to the beach on Independence Day[2],
and not like I would wear makeup to the beach, but people do not usually see me
without eyeliner on and with my hair up.
Not that I am vapid or anything, and not that I am particularly
horrifying without makeup (because I am not), but I just never have small tired
eyes and a pony tail. Anyway, this is
how I showed up to the beach on that particular day; tired eyes, pony tail, and
a sequin American Flag headband. I baked
on the beach for hours, getting covered in salt water, sunscreen, sweat and
probably some sangria. As I was
departing my glorious, and private, beach community I noticed someone who did
not belong . . . some hoe that hates
my very existence. Despite not knowing
her too well in person, and having no personal problems with her, she certainly
has said a lot of awful things about me; which is fine, as we all know, girls
are b*s! But she had a sock bun[3]
and sunglasses (I don’t need that kind of tan line) and just looked put
together, despite wearing a tee-shirt to the beach [really never a good look
when you’re sunbathing in a tee]. Of
course every girl wants to look like a million bucks when they see
someone who hates their guts (albeit unwarranted) but it was disappointing that
I just looked . . . well, average. Sure,
I was kissed by the sun and looked like a bronze goddess, but I also looked
like I needed a nap and some sunglasses, which were so conveniently missing.
The point is, narcissistic or not, you should always try to
look nice whenever you leave the house.
You never know who you are going to see, and fate has a silly and cruel way of having people sneak into your life!
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