You'll Thank Me Later. My PSA for Professionals and Social Media

In this ever expanding era of social media squashing all ideas of anonymity, it is hard to keep a professional image.  Yet we all have figured it out at this point, either have a clean social media account you can be proud of, abstain from the platforms all together, or use a pseudonym or alter ego.  However, there are some social media platforms that are solely for professional networking purposes. This, of course, means LinkedIn.

For those of you that do not know, LinkedIn is like Facebook and your resume colliding.  In creating a profile, you display all of your accomplishments, past work experiences, interests and skills, just like would be found on your resume.  The social media part of this equation is that you add a picture and then ‘add’ other people you know to your ‘network’.  The more connections you have, the more people can see your profile and can contact you with potential job opportunities.  That being said, you should want your absolute best foot forward on this site, because you never know who is watching with possible prospects.

My LinkedIn profile has a picture of me, my job history, my education history, my interests, references and a link to my blog [for writing samples].  The picture of me is from a personal dinner I went to, but it is still appropriate, and all information listed on my profile is appropriate, accurate, and up-to-date.  I solely use my LinkedIn to network, and keep my resume relevant.  This is a tool to sell yourself to potential employers; you want to market yourself as best as possible.

While casually searching the ‘people you may know’ tool, I noticed a lot of people are not quite sure how LinkedIn works . . . or how the ‘real world’ works, for that matter.  This being the case, I felt it was my civic duty to educate the masses a little bit and write this blog.

In terms of uploading a picture, you should absolutely upload one.   As all jobs do not deal with clients directly face to face, but over the phone, it is nice to be able to put a face to the name/voice.  However, make sure the picture is appropriate.  If you would not want your boss to see the drunken pictures from you and your ‘Frat Bros’ trip to Vegas, do not put them as your picture.  This is not Facebook, you can only upload one picture, and it is your one and only attempt to make a first impression.  That being said, you want the picture to be of YOU, not you and someone else.  The picture should also not be so cropped and distorted you are indistinguishable, or there are other people’s body parts in the picture.  It takes 5 minutes, put on a clean shirt, stand alone and take a picture for LinkedIn.  The exception to this rule is that you can take a picture of you doing something in your field.  For example, if you’re a teacher, maybe your picture would be you in front of your class.  But mainly, just stick to a regular headshot; and if you must do a selfie[1], please do not take one in a mirror.  You are not a child [I hope]. 

Try to keep your profile up-to-date.  If there are volunteer opportunities you’ve been working on, find somewhere to add it.  If you studied abroad several times, add those schools and programs under education.  All work/professional experiences you have accumulated should be listed on your profile/Resume because that will give people a well-rounded picture of who you are and hopefully open more opportunities.  While you may have done some side projects or volunteer efforts that were not relevant to your current job, a potential future employer may see this as an asset.  Keep your resume and your profile as recent as possible; you never know who you may impress.

While you may be very happy at your current job, I know I am, LinkedIn is still a good source to have.  It is not just for potential new employers, but with making new connections you could pick up new possible vendors or clients.  In this day and age, social media is a very powerful tool and it is everywhere.  Although there is no reason to air all of your dirty laundry on the internet, it is also not a good idea to completely abstain from it; use it to your advantage.  If you do not want to meet a new employer, perhaps you can bring in a new client for your company or at the very least make some new connections to help others.  Even if you just use this forum to keep people current with your professional whereabouts, it is a good thing to be a part of. 

I mean really, isn't it the rule of thumb nowadays that if you do not have a social media thumbprint, you do not exist at all?  Do not fear technology, my dear professionals;  embrace it.  Just remember, once you put something on the internet, it is eternal.  So be wise, because with great power comes great responsibility. 

Good luck out there!

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[1] Selfie: Colloquialism.  A picture you take of yourself.

Okay. Okay.- Obligatory ‘The Fault in our Stars’ Blog

It seems that every blogger I know who reads this book feels the need to write a blog about it.  In this instance, I am no exception to the rule.  There are some books that mean so much to us, it is a betrayal to share them[1], but The Fault in our Stars [by John Green] is too good not to share.

I am a huge nerd, but I am very picky with books.  I can finish a book in a day if it engulfs my interest . . . but if it does not, it will be a struggle and I will eventually put the book down.  Many moons ago one of my favorite UFC fighters, Kenny Florian, wrote on twitter how he was reading this book and then later messaged me to recommend it[2].  As there were a few things in my queue at the time, it took me a while to get to it.  However, I felt with the impending release of the movie, now was as good of a time as any.

I should preface by saying I had just finished reading Lone Survivor a few days before I started TFIOS[3], and was absolutely overcome with emotion.  That book, while a dense read, was an amazing historical account and a book that really touched me deeply.  That being said, now moving to a teen-esque fiction, I was a little skeptical.  But alas, it was on my bookshelf and I need to start getting to all my eager book purchases.

Once I started TFIOS, I tore through it like wildfire.  I could not get enough of the story, the characters, their plight . . . I ate up each and every word John Green laid out and I looked for more.  Every day I would take out my book during my commute and would be so engrossed in the story, I would barely notice when it was my time to get off.  While the subject matter of the book [two, oddly old for their age, adolescents inflicted with cancer meeting at a support group and fall in love] may seem a little heavy and dark, Green navigates through the story with such humor and lightheartedness, that you cannot help but fall in love.  While the book is over 300 pages, I did not want it to end.  I kept wanting to see more of the story, although the ending was great, I just did not want to give up on the new friends and new world I found myself surrounded in.

That’s what I love about a good book; it takes you and transcends you into the world and subject matter you are reading about.  John Green definitely hit the nail on the head here.  While I did call the ending from a few hundred pages out, he did not fail to disappoint.  The story was written absolutely beautifully, that it ensured it was an easy read but was also overridden with emotion.  I felt the pain of the characters, their happiness, everything they were enduring, even if I did not have the same exact experiences to draw from, I was able to empathize.  Once the book ended, I was, unapologetically admittedly, crying on the train.  The book invokes many emotions, and really makes you think about your life beyond the story.  Kenny Florian classified it as a ‘philosophical novel’, which I can understand why he would say that.  Regardless of if you just want to read it for the story or for its effect to invoke profound thought, you should definitely pick up a copy.

That being said, I am eagerly anticipating the movie debut.  I am hopeful that the mixed cast (of veteran and newer actors) will be able to make John Green's brilliant story proud.  It is common knowledge that this book has a huge fan following, so I have high hopes that while the movie will never live up to the book (they never do), it will still bring a new facet of light to the profound novel.  So while the weather is still snowy, and the movie is tightly locked up in some Hollywood warehouse, go to your nearest [hopefully local] bookstore and get your hands on The Fault in our Stars.  I promise, you will not be disappointed!

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[1] This is a reference to a quote from the aforementioned book.

[2] Yes, this really happened.  And yes, I did save the message. . .  SWOON

[3] The Fault in our Stars. I will not only be referring to the book in shorthand, it’s a long title.

Life is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.

Everyone has a crazy side in them, anyone who says they’re normal is lying.  I once read a quote that said what’s normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.  How true is that? Normality is relative at best.  I know that I may not be everyone’s cup of tea and for some I may even be too ‘crazy,’ but that’s part of life.  Also, I happen to think I lead a very boring and mundane life in retrospect to my neighborhood peers.  However, looking around my office, I am sure my crazy is a lot different.

What I mean by crazy, is not a negative thing at all.  I know my flaws; I am sometimes stubborn, I have a lot of food hangups, I am constantly giggling at things that are not all that funny, and I randomly burst out into dance moves. That is my kind of crazy.  I have been in several relationships where the other person has either accepted these ‘quirks’, tried to stifle them, or appreciate and complemented them. 

That is when you know you found a real partner in life.  Life is not about finding someone who just accepts who you are, life is about finding someone who appreciates who you are, and brings out the very best in you.  Whoever you’re with should see all your crazy quirks, weird habits and flaws, and love them all.  They should complement your quirks, enjoy your weird habits, and nurture the person you are enough that you grow out of those flaws.  Everyone is a little crazy, but there are definitely people who not only can work with that, but also will love you for it.

My perpetual quest for love does not pose to be difficult because I am picky, but because I am waiting for the right person.  No, they do not need to be ‘perfect’, we all know that is not realistic and does not exist, but they do need to be perfect for me.  For some people, as a certain ex comes to mind (sorry, JJ), I am a little hard to handle.  Sometimes I overthink things to the point where I become a worry wart and forget to ‘live in the moment.’  Sometimes I hear a song in a supermarket and dance by myself because I am lost in the music.  None of that makes me ‘weird’ or ‘bad’, but it just means that impatient people or people who get easily embarrassed (one of which I am not), probably don’t want to be around me for prolonged periods of time.  On the flip side, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who goes to a crowded bar or party and just stands there quietly not talking to people.  I can be dropped in a crowded room without knowing anyone, and by the end of the night I will have made friends.  I am the stereotypical social butterfly. 

To some people, that is a weird character trait and they do not appreciate it.  That kind of thinking doesn’t make them bad either, but it does make us incompatible.  I truly believe that we meet people for all kinds of reasons; I know every time I am in a new relationship or meet someone new, I learn a new fact about myself.  Every experience serves a purpose.  But, as far as settling down is concerned, there is no reason to settle!  There will be someone whose demons play well with yours.  Someone will look at all your silly tendencies and random behaviors, that repel most people, and find them utterly endearing.  This is the kind of relationship to hold out for.  This is the kind of relationship that gives me hope in this otherwise dismal dating world.  The person who is my kind of crazy.

Cut. It. Out.

Exes, we all have them, some more than others.  But the real question is, when is it appropriate to keep them in our lives and when is it appropriate to cut them out completely? 

F. Scott Fitzgerald said “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”  I wholeheartedly believe that statement.  There are different degrees of love and relationships, and not all your relationships will be the same.  I have had long term relationships that were less serious than ones that have lasted a fraction of the time.  That may have to do with where I was in my life, where my partner was, or just the sheer fact that the intensity and chemistry were more prevalent; but whatever the case, in my experience, all my relationships are different.

As each of my relationships were different, my relationship with each ex is different.  I always took the strong stance that no ex has a place in your future.  Once your relationship ran its course, all ties should be cut.  I mean, what really is the point of keeping them around?  It will only make the new person you’re with feel bad and insecure.  Plus, for those of you that confide in your exes, you can never be sure that they have an unbiased opinion.  After all, misery does love company! 

At least, that is how I always felt.  But again, there are always exceptions to the rule.  I have been in several relationships in my life, some more serious than others, and for the most part, I no longer have contact with those exes.  We do not speak, we don’t really run in the same circles so that is not a problem, and we do not have social media contact, because why does anyone need to see what I am doing with my life and visa versa.  However, back to the exception part, I have one ex that I am very good friends with.  Any time we talk it is with a purpose, even if we do end up making random small talk for a bit after, and whenever we do see each other it is never awkward or uncomfortable.  We were always close friends, and while we do not declare that via social media, we are still friends enough with each other to be supportive when life goes south.

What makes our friendship nonthreatening and ‘work’ is that there is no ulterior motive.  We are supportive of each other, helpful and genuinely happy for the other person.  That is a very rare relationship to find, certainly with an ex.  Males are competitive and females are catty, so 9 times out of 10 you can bet that keeping your ex in your life will end badly.  Either they will say something ‘nice’ which they do not mean genuinely, or they will fill your head with ‘I miss you’s and ‘remember how we were.’  That is the blocking ex, the ex with bad intentions at heart.  No one wants to see someone happier than them, and even if your ex is in a relationship, you do not know what goes on behind closed doors.  Maybe they really aren’t happy and therefore they want you to be single too, because they miss your fond memories.

Keeping exes around is always a dangerous game.  There are very few people that can handle an honest and genuine relationship with their ex.  I know, in my case, I set up one of my exes with his new girlfriend.  He came to me unsure and I pointed out how happy she would make him and all her very best qualities that even I saw in the brief times I met her.  That is the degree of love I have for him, just for him to be happy, no malicious intent or lingering feelings.  Most girls, however, do not have that level of maturity.  Even if they do not want you for themselves, they do not want anyone else to have you because then you won’t have enough attention for them.  This is how people work, we, as a society, are inherently selfish beings at our core. 

So before you go keeping your exes around for years and years, really think about it.  What does keeping them around do for you?  Is it for habit, do you not want to hurt their feelings, do they bring some kind of good to your life?  If you are just keeping them around because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, then you will probably regret that decision later down the line when they sabotage a good thing for you and scare away a new prospective.  This isn’t to say you can’t be friends with an ex, but there should be some ground rules as to where your relationship lies.  If you know you guys can’t handle being alone or going on outings together, then don’t.  But then you probably aren’t really friends to begin with.  There is no shame in being cordial with a past fling, but there is a difference between being cordial and being a friend.  Out of all of my exes, I would only consider one a friend.  That is because, while we both think fondly of our past, we know that it is not our future.  You can have nostalgia for what you shared, but there is no need to think that in the future there will be a ‘do over’ and that is one of the main problems with exes.  There is always someone holding out hope that your loving moments aren’t over. That being the case, your ex will always chime in on your new relationship saying the 'replacement' isn't good enough for you or you do not look happy enough [like you used to with them...eye roll.] 

When it comes to that kind of ex, there is no way you can be friends.  You should not trust someone's opinion who clearly has skeptical motives.  But if you do have an apathetic ex-paramour, who is more like a ‘bro’ than an ex, feel free to hold onto that one.  I've met exes of my boyfriend's who I became good friends with and never thought twice about them being fake or trying to wedge us apart.  Although that situation is rare, it is a possibility, albeit a slim one.  Otherwise, save yourself the trouble and start collecting yourself some cats now; you are in for a lonely road filled with 'just friends'.

To Thine Own Self Be True

This famous Shakespeare quote packs quite the little punch.  It seems simply straight forward enough, right? Be true to yourself.  Sure, easypeasy.   But . . . life is never so easy. What if you do not know yourself?  That is a very loaded question.  You may think you know yourself, but really think about it; do you?  We all wear different masks in life; Who we are with our friends is not who we are at home, and that person is not who we are at work.  We may have different tendencies in front of different people, i.e. you cannot be your ‘party persona’ at work, but at the core we are always the same person.  Our mannerisms, values, morals, and general thinking remain the same.

However, what if you are unsure of who you are at your core?  We all grow from past experiences, but what if where and who you are in life right now is not where you think you should be?  What if all of your friends are getting married and on baby number two and you are still single and working the bar circuit?  Is that to say that your life is ‘wrong’ just because it’s different than your friend’s?  No.  Wherever you are at in life is where you put yourself; own it! There is nothing wrong with you or where you are at.  If you don’t like something, change it.  If you do not like where you are or who’s around you, leave.  You always have the choice to better yourself and your situation.  Every day is a chance to start over. 

Although, there are some people that are happy in their situations.  If you’re happy with your life, even if it’s not where you think you should be, who cares? You’re happy, right? Enjoy it!  That is what being true to yourself is all about.  Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, regardless of everyone else, if it makes you happy, then it cannot be wrong.  People are going to always have something to say or judge you or make some snide comment, this is part of life.  The blow will sting a lot less if you were confident in your convictions and proud of yourself. 

I genuinely feel bad for people that are wishy-washy with their choices.  The people that have no confidence in anything they do, enough to hold their head high and say ‘yeah, maybe I made a mistake, but that was then and I am over it now.’  Some people wallow in their mistakes, overthinking them, and let those regrets destroy them.  You cannot change the past, it's gone, get over it.  Furthermore, anyone who would hold a mistake against you is negative and petty and you do not need that kind of judgmental energy in your life.  But, if you keep making the same mistakes, then you aren’t sorry and you have no intention of changing . . . Which is fine, but again, own it.  Whatever your choices are, just own them.

I pride myself on being a really good judge of character.  I can pretty much read someone’s intentions a mile away.  So when I, infrequently, get surprised by someone, it comes as quite the shock.  I am a firm believer that like-minded people stick together.  Who you surround yourself with is a direct reflection on you.  Sure, you may have some friends that aren't like you, but mainly there is a reason why you guys are close.  That is not to say that if you and your friends have different goals that you should cut them out; I have a few friends that I am close with who are not on the same pages of life as I am, there are always exceptions.  But just keep in mind this is what outsiders see. 

In any kind of relationship (romantic or otherwise) you should challenge each other and bring out the best, each learning new things about yourselves.  That is what I bring to a relationship (even friendships).  As I have said in blogs before, I am a very critical and analytic person.  I am always thinking and rethinking things over, taking the smallest scenario or fact and dissecting it to bits until I find something new.  I know when I am with someone, unintentionally, I definitely challenge them.  I make them think about things that they may not have previously noticed about themselves.  I know what I want out of life.  I may not be there just yet, but I am certainly on my way and in good standing to put myself there shortly.  That kind of determination and certainty in character is very intimidating to other people. 

I have a friend who has the whole world in front of him.  Every option is dangling at his able fingertips, if only he could make up his mind.  The fact that I lay out all the pros, cons and facts of each option, to give him the fullest and most detailed picture possible (I am the perpetual overthinking planner, after all) petrifies him.  For once I made him really think about what he wanted out of life, and I do not think anyone’s ever really asked him.  To be honest, most people don’t really care, only a few people are genuine enough to take a real interest in your life.  However, you should know what you want for yourself.  After challenging him to step out of his comfort zone, dig deep and really look at things, I am not too sure he was happy with what he saw.  He became scared and confused because where he wanted to be in life and where he was at in life were very contrasting places.  What he failed to realize is, most people feel the same way.  Life is about progress, not perfection.  As long as we’re moving towards who and where we want to be, there is no reason to beat ourselves up or freak out that we aren’t there yet.

That is the problem with people who are unsure.  If you do not have strength in your convictions, you will never truly be happy.  I’m not here to preach or lecture or snub my nose at anyone; I am just saying from experience, you cannot please everyone.  There is only one person in this world that you need to make sure is constantly happy, and that is yourself.  The road of life is long and there will be obstacles that make you stumble, the inevitable setbacks, and decisions you made that you thought were right at the time [that hindsight later proved were not], and that is okay. You are not the same person you were yesterday, we are fluid, growing beings.  But wherever you go, make sure you are happy with yourself.  You can never be happy with anyone else if you are not happy with who you are first.

All's fair in Love and War

Whoever originally said that is clearly delusional.  All is fair in war, correct…but all is fair in love? Nothing about love is ever fair.  There is always one side that is in too deep, too scared, too vulnerable, and always one person who gets hurt most. 

I never wanted to get hurt.  I always thought, in terms of relationships, the winner is whoever cared the least.  Well, if you protect yourself so much that you need to talk yourself OUT of feelings, then you’re just cheating yourself of something beautiful.  If you’re looking for something serious in life [a partner, someone you can walk through life with forever], having one foot out the door in order to ‘protect yourself’ is really just going to inevitably hurt you.  You see, the other person will sense that and either push you for more commitment or pull away.  Either way the end result is the same; you, alone, in a dark room with your good friends Ben & Jerry (or whatever your poison of choice is). 

Whenever I got involved with someone, I wanted to know everything about them.  Whether that was diligently looking at their social media pages (please, we’ve all been there!)  or asking them every question I could think of about them, no piece of information was too big or too small.  I wanted to know everything.  However, one thing I would never do is ask other people.  You see, friend or foe, no one wants to see other people happier than they are.  For example, my mother always used to tell me “no one will ever tell you ‘wash your face, you look better than me.’” That may be an old Italian saying, but it still holds true.  No one ever wants to see you doing better than them (I believe A Bronx Tale covers this too).  So when you are happy, of course haters are going to come out of the woodwork to make sure that ends.  Misery does love company.  Even something as simple as you getting a significant other, your single best friend may give you shtick about it . . . ‘Jokingly’ of course.  But even in jest, there is still a little bit of truth.

So, does that mean you should adhere to every jel hater[1]’s whisper?  No.  If you believe something, or want something/someone, you should let yourself be happy.  If I listened to everything people said, my life choices would have been made very differently.  That is not to say you don’t have an inner council you consult with, but if you’re listening to every Tom, Dick and Harry about your life decisions . . . well then, I hope your seat belt is on because you are in for one heck of an unhappy ride. 

Chuck Palahniuk says ‘that’s the best revenge of all; Happiness.  Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good f—king life.’   I truly believe that.  If you are too happy, despite your life tragedies, people think you’re fake and have something to say about you.  In this social media day and age, everyone thinks they know you just because they can see a couple of pictures and posts.  I’m sorry, but my social media does not reflect who I am entirely, no matter how many pictures I put up.  However, genuinely I am a very happy and bubbly person.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, I have a very terrible poker face with the people I trust, and I am almost always smiling on a daily basis.  Some people see this as me not being real or honest, because who on earth could be that happy all the time?  Me! What is the point of not being happy? Having a sour puss on my face is going to solve just as much as me having a smile, and at least it’s easier to get through problems with a cheerful disposition. 

Most people, however, cannot stand that.  It is ‘unnatural’ to be positive and have hope in the face of adversity.  General consensus is to wallow, weep and complain until enough bad things happen (negative attracts negative) that you are forced to change.  That being the mentality, of course no one will be happy you are happier than them!

So to that I say, be careful who you put stock in.  Make sure you have a tight circle that mainly has your best interest at heart.  No matter how long you know people, some people just aren’t that close.  I’ve known people for 20 years that I am very close with, but I’ve known people for 6 years that I am closer with.  I have known some people for almost 10 years now and I know that when the chips are down and I need advice or assistance, I might as well call someone else, because they are only party friends.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Just be aware of your relationship with people before you start making life decisions based on their unsolicited advice. 

You see, my dear friends, NOTHING is fair in love and war.  There is always one person on either side playing with a malice heart.  Sure, it is your duty to protect your own heart from the outside world, but at what cost?  A heart of stone serves just as much purpose as a broken one.

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[1] Jel Hater: A jealous person of the hater variety.  Someone who is so envious of what someone else has that they will just talk smack (or ‘hate’ on it) about whatever the item is.

When a good thing just can’t be good---sabotaging relationships.

You’re probably reading that headline and saying ‘what? I would NEVER sabotage my relationship! I love my shmoopy bear!!’ Well to you I say, that’s all well and good, shmoopy…but sometimes you just can’t help it.  You see, dear star-crossed lover, we all carry baggage with us from previous relationships, even if we do not want to. 

Every date you have gone on, every person you have kissed, every relationship you have had [from start to finish] has impacted you.  That’s not to say each impact is permanent, or at the same intensity, but in some small way, it affects you.  Every relationship we form (platonic or romantic) is a learning experience.  It teaches us about ourselves just as much as it teaches us about others.  So when we end a relationship, no matter how amicably, we do get a small scar from them to be wary of the next time . . . Think of it like a badge of honor. 

There are some things you just have to go through to be able to complain about and really figure out what you want.  Breakups, for example, are one of those things.  Once you experience a breakup, good or bad, it will change you for each relationship to come.  Better or worse, your ex has a lot more power over you than you think, and you over them [if you played your cards right].  Yet, some people get so scorned in the past that their scars are much bigger and more malicious than others.

Speaking solely for myself, I know that my past relationships weren’t ideal.  There were a dozen things I would have done differently; things I should’ve compromised on, things I shouldn’t have tolerated, things that just didn’t matter.  These were things that have ruined [thankfully! No offense, fellas] my previous relationships, but helped me grow for the next time.  I went into this year knowing exactly what I wanted in a relationship, what I was willing to give, bring to the table, what I would compromise on, or ignore, or fight for, and what I would not possibly tolerate.  Needless to say, knowing what you want out of life and being so determined to make things work the way you want them to is one of the most intimidating and off putting attributes to have.  Woe is me. . . But, I digress.

Some people do all the right things the first time in their relationship.  They are the ideal significant other, thoughtful, caring, kind.  But still, some jerk comes and takes advantage of them and ruins them for the rest of us.  These are the scorned.  They believe that since they did all the right things and still got taken advantage of and hurt, that they will never let that happen again.  I agree, dear friend, I have been there, many ‘a time.  However, that is just as bad as being the perpetual idealist.

 If you shut everyone out, you’re robbing yourself of something beautiful.  You’re robbing yourself of love, happiness, a potential partnership, and of course, the opportunity to learn! 

I was always one to keep people at bay.  I figured it was easier to have someone at arms distance than to give them the consent and opportunity to rip your heart out.  I was a cynical and jaded youth, I’m over that now.  The point of love is giving someone the power to absolutely destroy you, but trusting them not to.  That is the fundamental of any relationship, Trust.  If there is no trust, there can be no relationship, that’s just a fact.

So for all the scorned lovers out there who do not trust anyone, it becomes a problem.  You want love, you may be open to the idea, heck, you may even go looking for it, but once you have it, you’re not quite sure what to do with it.  You’re like a kid catching butterflies.  Once you get one, you either hold it in your hand too tightly and kill it, or you hold it too loose and let it get away.  This is where the sabotage comes in.  You may not realize you’re doing it, Lord knows I never did, but they’re subconscious little decisions and actions---defense mechanisms.  You may not notice, but I bet you your partner does.  Self-sabotage is, I feel, one of the worst offenses.  You see, it is easy to be mad at someone else, but sooner or later you get over it.  Self-sabotage means you only have yourself to blame for losing [the potentially] great person in your life, so you will just beat yourself up about it and think of all the ‘could’ve, should’ve, would’ve’s in life. 

This is where the learning experience comes in.

You pushed someone away? So be it.  If you really feel it was meant to be, FIGHT FOR THEM.  If they were yours, the universe will have them coming back, with some effort on your part.  I guess what I’m really saying here is, don’t be afraid to make mistakes.  Make mistakes! Make a million different ones; just don’t make the same mistake twice.   Learn from every regret, there’s no point in dwelling on the past.  If you’re sorry, say it.  If you love someone, let them know.  Life is short.  It’s inevitable you are going to get hurt at some point in your life.  It happens, it’s life! But you need to put yourself out there anyway . . . the alternative is pretty lonely.  Don’t worry, saboteur, we all make mistakes, do/say things we don’t mean, don’t think of consequences, whatever.  The worst thing that can happen is your past continuously bites you in the ass and ruins all your future happiness; and let me tell you from experience, there are worse things in life.  Life’s not so bad.Get out of your head, step out of your own way, and just be happy with yourself and your decisions.  The right person will see this and they will treat you right.

Let people in, dear reader, because without other people, life is boring.  Just make sure who you are letting in and pouring your soul into is worth it.  There is no greater tragedy in life than giving your all to someone who would not give even half their soul to you.  But you will find that person, come hell or high water.  I’m still unsure if there is a ‘one’ for everyone, but everyone definitely gets a person(s).  Go out there and find your person, and when you do, make sure you give them your very best self and never regret a thing!