I am a perpetual pessimist.
I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop or planning for things to
go in the completely opposite direction as I want them to, because they always
do. Well . . . that is not entirely
true. Yes, I am always prepared for the
worst. Yes, I usually get thrown about a
dozen curve balls to every one thing I want to accomplish. However, all of the effort [the blood, sweat
and tears] that goes into everything I do (and believe me, it is everything)
just makes me that more confident.
You see, dear readers, anytime I set out on a new journey or
devise a plan to accomplish a new goal in my life, a giant monkey wrench gets
thrown into my life. It does not matter
what the goal is or how big the obstacle is, one always appears. ALWAYS.
[You can ask my mom[1]
for proof.] So that being the case,
before every great movement in my life, I am faced with a brief (and usually
profound) sense of anxiety. I easily get
overwhelmed with the negative ‘what ifs’ and usually condemn myself to failure
before I even begin.
While that is pretty much the worst thing I can do to
myself, I almost relish in the pre-failure.
It’s pretty masochistic, really, and I’m only realizing I do it now that
I’m writing it out to myself (and after today’s unforeseen victory) but I love
being the underdog. There is something
about coming back in the final hour and just kicking butt; once everyone has
already counted you out, you rise up and win the series. That is pretty much my life in a nutshell. Yes, my life is like the (seldom ever) World
Series Mets . . . except I win way more than I lose.
So what I’m really trying to say is; never count yourself out. When you want something in life, doesn’t
matter what obstacles are in your way, give all the fight you got left. Give all of your fight, and then give
more. Keep fighting until you reach your
goal. I have been applying to grad school
for three years now. Correction, I have
been applying for the pre-requisites for grad school for three years now. After some acceptances/schedule conflicts, denials/meltdowns
and then a final acceptance to a program that fits my schedule (ya see what I
mean about obstacles?) I got into the pre-req program. So what is next to continue my forever
journey to a masters degree? The GRE,
and then back to the application process.
You see, I’m one of those people that hate wasting time, so I pile
everything onto my plate, have a breakdown when it’s too much, but end up
accomplishing everything I set out to. So
despite having many a meltdown about
this GRE and feeling wildly mal prepared, I took it. And do you know what? I did pretty okay. Sure, I did not pass with flying colors, but
for someone who hasn’t taken a test like that in 10 years and did the bare
minimum of preparation, I did pretty darn good.
Basically what my whole point of this is, give everything you
got. Semper Ad Meliora. Always
towards better things. That is what I
remind myself every single day. Sure, my
life takes wildly unpredictable
twists and turns, and I hit a bump on the road almost every day of my life, but
I genuinely would not be a quarter of the person I am today if I didn’t have to
fight to become her. While I do end up
mainly victorious, every victory is an uphill battle; and quite frankly, I
wouldn’t have it any other way. All of
my trials and tribulations make me realize how strong I am. How tough I can be. How resliant I am in the face of adversity,
and really just how much I can take to achieve my goals. Nothing will stop me from creating the life I
see and the woman I want to become.
Although a lot of things have tried to hinder that process, I can
happily say that I hit back way harder than I have been hit; life never gets me
down for too long.
So whenever you’re feeling down in the dumps or thinking
that life just isn’t going your way, just remember that life is going your way. It is knocking you down and setting you up
for the greatest comeback in the books.
Classic underdog. Classic phoenix
story. Take the hit, fall of that horse,
brush yourself off, rise from the ashes and continue on your way. It is not how hard you hit, but how hard you
can get hit and keep fighting[2]. Stay in the fight, dear readers, life is so
much more beautiful when you have to work hard for it.
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